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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#261

Post by yusina »

SoftTalker wrote: post #116
rchaud wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> is this a concern for many men? It's never crossed my mind or been a problem for anyone I've known. Not for me, I have been to plenty of meetups in my city. If you're not liked or don't get along with the others, the worst that can happen is that you'll be politely ostracized. The paranoia about being publicly "cancelled" seems very overblown.

Well we already have people on this page commenting on the demograpic represented on the submitted web site. Yes, in today's world there are almost always people looking to play "gotcha" and will try to pin you as a racist, misogynist, homophobe, or some other sort of bigot or pariah.

[flagged]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#262

Post by joshvm »

systemswizard wrote: post #28
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

These places exist but are usually financially prohibitive for most people, and that’s even if they meet whatever requirements they have to join

They exist at either end of the class spectrum. Working Men's Clubs used to be very common around the UK and many still exist. The one near my childhood home is Victorian-era and was recently refurbished. As long as I can remember it had frosted windows. That's now gone and it's been rebranded it as a family-friendly event space. It's basically a member subsidized pub and your drinks should cost less.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_men%27s_club

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#263

Post by reify »

Being a retired psychotherapist I realise how valuable places like this are for men.

In therapy, For every 10 female clients, you get 1 male client, but most of the time that ratio is much worse.

Here in the UK we have Andy's mans club.

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

Its a male peer support group.

Its a great place to go.

Groups of men talking about stuff that impacts all men in their daily lives.

A safe, supportive space to talk about problems: Relationships, employment, divorce, debt, family, violence, anger, grief, loss and everything men are not that forthcoming to share.

Setup by the family of a young man who took his own life at 21 years old.

The one I went to had about 60 men turn up every week, they were split into smaller groups.

Men supporting men who have experienced the same shit life throw at you.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#264

Post by kelnos »

carabiner wrote: post #229
keiferski wrote: post #173

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

Last one I tried was Grouper: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grouper_social_club You'd meet up for dinner at a local place that was usually pretty good, with 2-3 other people, mostly tech-adjacent. Dinners were pretty polite, a little awkward, mildly stimulating, but I never made real relationships from it. Seems like the same idea has emerged with https://timeleft.com . I don't know. It seems like the best way to mak…

> ... with 2-3 other people, mostly tech-adjacent.

This IMO is a part of the problem. I don't want more tech friends. Not that there's anything wrong with us, but I want more diversity in my friend groups. And I'm tired of many hangouts eventually devolving into chats about tech-related topics.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#265

Post by blablabla123 »

cjohnson318 wrote: post #240

I think a lot of this boils down to the fact that most men are too insecure to engage with each other meaningfully. This causes them to appear overly competitive, or uninterested. How many times have you spoken to another man that can't stop trying to one-up you, or cannot be bothered to ask you a single question? That's the majority of my interactions with other men.

Yeah, problems are way deeper and would have to be addressed in such a concept. Last year I read a Graphical Novel about it (Seek You) which goes into great detail. Root causes includes dysfunctional TV stereotypes (the lonely hero) among others.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#266

Post by anal_reactor »

os2warpman wrote: post #106

In my 30s I found myself slipping into the chasm of loneliness. It was particularly difficult for me because I had been in the Army for 10 years and was used to having many male friends I was extremely close with. All I was doing on the weekends was sitting on the couch and I hate sitting on the couch. I decided to fight it by focusing on three aspects of my personality and finding activities that suited them. First…

> a hairy sweaty middle-aged man who couldn't touch his toes

I just love it when someone makes a description that is supposed to be off-putting but it's actually very sexy

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#267

Post by joshvm »

djdeutschebahn wrote: post #167
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Whats the difference of your definition to a pub? Also they may be limited and there may exist rules on behavior. At least you can/could play cards, converse with your fellows or some randoms.

> Whats the difference of your definition to a pub?

CAMRA's definition includes "Is open to the public without membership or residency" and a bunch more that amount to "does not necessarily serve food" to distinguish from restaurants.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#268

Post by y-curious »

PaulDavisThe1st wrote: post #241
kortilla wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, because homosexual men tend not to compete with men for women’s attention.

Precisely. So a group of men , some or all of whom are gay, will react differently to the arrival of a woman than one in which all are straight.

Sigh. Perhaps it's sometimes ok to discount <6% of the male population for the sake of conversational brevity? Are you implying that homosexual men are suffering by not having women at the clubs? They have other reasons to not have women in their spaces. What does your little snarky comment add to the conversation?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#269

Post by tayo42 »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #153
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

[flagged]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#270

Post by lynx97 »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126
BurningFrog wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

So you are automatically assuming men are the offenders. This is very much a constructed prejudice. Did you ever consider that men want men-only spaces to avoid being accused and talked down to? While I never visited a mens only place, I totally understand why that would be the rule at some of them.
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