AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps • Hacker News Board

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#31

Post by Aurornis » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:49 PM UTC

redeux wrote: post #14

This is not the future we need. Humans need real emotional connection. Hell, it’s right in the middle of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and fundamental to both self-esteem and self-actualization[0]. In order to develop true friendship, whether plutonic or romanic, there has to be a base of authenticity. Otherwise the relationship is built on deceit and will eventually erode. Obviously inserting an AI between you and a p…

> Otherwise the relationship is built on deceit and will eventually erode.

From watching friends use dating apps and go on dates: People with misleading profiles don't get very far. The lies get spotted quickly, often on the first date.

The people who play these games seem to be hoping that the other person will look past it, or that they can charm their way around it if they could just lie their way to the first encounter.

For 100% of my friends, it's a dealbreaker when they discover someone has been lying.

This isn't limited to text. The most common one is when people use photos from 5-10 years ago. I've heard so many stories of people arriving to first dates and barely recognizing the person because they're a decade older or significantly less physically fit. At this point it's almost like they're pleasantly surprised when the person they meet looks like their profile pictures.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#32

Post by mrshadowgoose » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:51 PM UTC

kylecazar wrote: post #2

"may degrade an already precarious online environment" Not may, will. Furthermore, I will never wrap my head around why people would use AI for a use-case like this. It entirely defeats the purpose of interacting with people. If you are awkward, with enough time you will either find someone who is also awkward, or someone who doesn't care/finds it endearing. Having a bot generate dialog for you is a weird step backwa…

Depends on one's goals. If simply hooking up is the objective, although it's disingenuous/dishonest, this would improve one's odds.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#33

Post by jfengel » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:51 PM UTC

deadbabe wrote: post #5

In my experience I’ve found that people can struggle on real life dates regardless of whether they used AI or not. Sending messages back and forth, having minutes or hours to craft a perfect response is far different than having a conversation in person. That smooth talker who said all the right things in text turns out to be nothing more than a fumbling marble mouth in person. That’s why if you’re online dating you…

That came as a shift for me. In the early aughts I had long online conversations before meeting. I took it as a way to show that I was serious.

One of those turned into a decade long relationship, and when I returned, the time horizon was much shorter. I think too many women had been jerked around by men who never wanted to meet (perhaps because they were married).

Things have shifted yet again with the prevalence of bots and scammers. Which is too bad, because it had been an environment that suited me well: getting to know someone in a safe way, and to show them who I was.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#34

Post by misnome » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:52 PM UTC

ta12653421 wrote: post #30

ta12653421 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Coming out of nearly exactly 12.75 years long-term-relationship and trying currently these apps, i can confirm to you: TRUE. I do not know whats up with the people: Couple of weeks ago i had a dad, she had also 2 children; during the discussion it turned out that they have a battle regarding who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom+WC; i was shocked about their frequency (3 people!), so i said: why dont just get…

why do i get downvoted here on a story that happened in real life?

Because the entire statement is exhausting to try and parse - nearly unreadable because you flip the genders back and forth at random. Whatever you were trying to say is completely lost behind it.

Edit: also I have no idea where you got “get a cleaning support” from, maybe a badly literalised translation for “cleaner”? Otherwise I’m not sure what english gendered term would elicit that reaction, housemaid seems too regular, “french maid” maybe? That might hit the archaic and loaded sexist implications? Otherwise, if not english, then I’m afraid perhaps the situation doesn’t directly translate well.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#35

Post by ceejayoz » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:53 PM UTC

ta12653421 wrote: post #30

ta12653421 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Coming out of nearly exactly 12.75 years long-term-relationship and trying currently these apps, i can confirm to you: TRUE. I do not know whats up with the people: Couple of weeks ago i had a dad, she had also 2 children; during the discussion it turned out that they have a battle regarding who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom+WC; i was shocked about their frequency (3 people!), so i said: why dont just get…

why do i get downvoted here on a story that happened in real life?

“Why don’t you just get a cleaner?” is not a subject I’d introduce anywhere near the start of a relationship.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#36

Post by cardanome » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:53 PM UTC

redeux wrote: post #14

This is not the future we need. Humans need real emotional connection. Hell, it’s right in the middle of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and fundamental to both self-esteem and self-actualization[0]. In order to develop true friendship, whether plutonic or romanic, there has to be a base of authenticity. Otherwise the relationship is built on deceit and will eventually erode. Obviously inserting an AI between you and a p…

I don't disagree with your main point but you really overstate Maslow’s hierarchy quite a bit.

It is a framework to start thinking about how needs can be prioritized but is does not necessary reflect the actual hierarchy of needs of individuals which is very culturally, economically and well individually dependent. People are naturally different and have different needs. Humans are way too complex for such a simple pyramid to provide accurate answers.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#37

Post by JasserInicide » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:53 PM UTC

redeux wrote: post #14

This is not the future we need. Humans need real emotional connection. Hell, it’s right in the middle of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and fundamental to both self-esteem and self-actualization[0]. In order to develop true friendship, whether plutonic or romanic, there has to be a base of authenticity. Otherwise the relationship is built on deceit and will eventually erode. Obviously inserting an AI between you and a p…

It's not the future we need but it's the one we deserve. This place is heavily complicit in the popularity of AI. It creams its pants any time a new LLM is announced.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#38

Post by jfengel » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:55 PM UTC

gedy wrote: post #7

Online "dating" that involves texting is just such a terrible fit. Most people either have poor reading comprehension or lack ability to write clearly, and that's the worst combo for relationship building. It's really no surprise that "dating" apps devolve into clicking a picture and hooking up for sex.

In my experience, women who don't communicate well via text also don't communicate well in person. Dyslexia is a real thing, and there are other challenges, but when I got a bad feeling from her written communication it boded very badly for a date.

I don't date men, but the women I've dated often say that's their experience as well. Of course, those are women who also matched my communication style, so that may not generalize.

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#39

Post by onemoresoop » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:55 PM UTC

haswell wrote: post #26

I found myself single in my late 30s after a long relationship ended. Dipping my toe in the water with the apps was not an experience that I enjoyed. I met my ex online at a time when people didn’t admit they met online. That was a far better time for online dating. What I know with absolute certainty is that adding AI to the pre-meeting process is exactly the opposite of what I want, especially if that means I’m not…

Couldn’t agree more. AI is an extra layer of indirection and distorted expectations that are not needed in dating apps. Imagine a world where AI agents that deal with other AI agents deciding what’s good for you. What could go bad?

Re: AI 'wingmen' bots to write profiles and flirt on dating apps

#40

Post by tmpz22 » Sat, Mar 08, 2025, 4:55 PM UTC

haswell wrote: post #26

I found myself single in my late 30s after a long relationship ended. Dipping my toe in the water with the apps was not an experience that I enjoyed. I met my ex online at a time when people didn’t admit they met online. That was a far better time for online dating. What I know with absolute certainty is that adding AI to the pre-meeting process is exactly the opposite of what I want, especially if that means I’m not…

I actually met some of the people building these types of company, they completely blank when you bring up ethical concerns and unintended consequences. I'd love a townhall event with one of them just so the world could see the type of men behind these dating apps.