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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#341

Post by ethbr1 »

swat535 wrote: post #336
cdrini wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not quite true, social isolation has been shown to be correlated with an increased risk of dementia and cognitive impairment in older age. And I reckon there are other studies that show correlations with other health outcomes.

I suppose it depends on the person but the older I get, the less patience I have for people and the more I rather focus on myself, hobbies and quiet time. I don’t have time for fake social gatherings or pretending like parent does. If I meet someone genuine I will engage with them, otherwise I much rather to keep to my own devices..

I'd hazard that's exactly why it's inportant: mental exposure to uncomfortable and novel situations.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#342

Post by mgh2 »

“The odds are good, but the goods are odd” - why is SV full of wierdos? Part of the answer lies in social isolation. Whether you like it or not and regardless of personality, humans are social creatures. This was evident from covid.

To avoid interacting with others is not only a disservice to your own growth but also to society. It is much easier to live in your own world then go out there and learn - books and the web are not substitutes.

You see this effect on today’s generation who rely on internet bubbles, brainwashing and biases to inform their thinking, hardly having critical skills (ex: woke). You can only blame the system (big tech) to a certain extent, but the individual should ultimately take responsibility.

Being born (disadvantaged) an introvert is no excuse as being born a foreigner (ex: H1Bs) or a sinner, you still have to do your best in becoming a better version of yourself.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#343

Post by hnbad »

lll-o-lll wrote: post #329
atleastoptimal wrote: post #307

I am an introvert not because I don’t like socializing with people, but rather because I can’t shake the impression that they don’t like socializing with me (and I have been proven right in this notion). In order to become more likable I’ve had to adopt an extremely perceptive and self critical mental framework to analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people. It has worked, and people seem to…

You might be a bit autistic, common enough in the software world. Lookup something called “autistic masking”. Source: All the autistic people in my life. I really like autistic people! Find your people and you won’t have to pretend around them.

Same with ADHD. People with ADHD often experience social friction because they may be perceived as rude or bad listeners. Plus of course there's significant overlap between people with ADHD and autistic people (as well as an overlap in symptoms). ADHD doesn't have to present as being fidgety and hyper either, inattentiveness (i.e. not being able to control your focus well) is another big aspect. If as a kid you kept hearing "you're so smart, if only you would apply yourself more" while already working yourself to exhaustion (especially if you have a high IQ and used that to compensate for "forgetfulness" or "procrastination"), that may have simply been inattentive type ADHD.

I used to think I was very autistic until I underwent a thorough diagnostic process and learned that while I am indeed autistic, most of what I had been experiencing was actually crippling ADHD I was committing most of my mental capacity to compensate.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#344

Post by wizzwizz4 »

frognumber wrote: post #340
lll-o-lll wrote: post #329

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You might be a bit autistic, common enough in the software world. Lookup something called “autistic masking”. Source: All the autistic people in my life. I really like autistic people! Find your people and you won’t have to pretend around them.

Right now, we increasingly like to stick labels on things, and I'm not sure it's helpful. Autism is a disorder, diagnosed in DSM V. Very few people in your life are likely to be autistic. As with many such things, it's a spectrum. Unless those cross a pathological threshold, it's not autism. Few SWEs are over that threshold. We used to call people "nerdy," "quirky," or other things (and it was okay to be that). That'…

> Autism is a disorder, diagnosed in DSM V. […] Unless those cross a pathological threshold, it's not autism.

There is a natural category in the world that shares many members with those-who-meet-diagnostic-criteria-for-"autism", completely unrelated to any "pathological threshold". It absolutely makes sense to describe people as "autistic" whose lives are not suffering.

Beyond that, you really shouldn't be treating the DSM as some kind of authority: that's like treating a particularly unreliable dictionary written by a non-native speaker as an authority on a different language. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_the_DSM for more information.

The idea that the APA's claims are any kind of authoritative is quite insulting. They're systematically wrong, in quite horrible ways, and probably always will be. The DSM-V is a tool for coordination among (American) practitioners, and should not be considered anything more than that: it certainly shouldn't be consulted or quoted by the laity, who do not know the caveats.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#345

Post by blueflow »

mgh2 wrote: post #342

“The odds are good, but the goods are odd” - why is SV full of wierdos? Part of the answer lies in social isolation. Whether you like it or not and regardless of personality, humans are social creatures. This was evident from covid. To avoid interacting with others is not only a disservice to your own growth but also to society. It is much easier to live in your own world then go out there and learn - books and the w…

Implied in this: That learning about other people will make you like them more and not lead to increased wishes for isolation.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#346

Post by blueflow »

jl6 wrote: post #324
JackMorgan wrote: post #321

Some amount of social anxiety has to be a pre-modern survival trait. Strangers from another tribe or clan were often extremely dangerous. Even travel used to be fraught with bandits and highway robbery. Many modern activities will put someone in close proximity to lots of strangers. Airports, public transit, busy streets, college parties, even big grocery stores all have lots of strangers. A person who doesn't want t…

It’s a modern survival trait too, particularly for women, from whom we are all descended.

This is repeated often, but recently i found out that men lead all categories (except sexual assault and domestic violence) of being the victims of crime. You are safer if you are a woman.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#347

Post by shreddit »

When you see me at social gatherings you would either label me as an introvert or an extrovert. It totally depends on the people i am around. Not like whether i know the people or not (i will happily socialize with strangers on the right topic), but rather what type of people and what the current topic is. I deeply dislike small talk, or people i know (or at least i think) don’t share any common interests with me. That’s why i am quite the talkative person at work but mostly quiet (and uninterested) in private.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#348

Post by sans_souse »

lll-o-lll wrote: post #329
atleastoptimal wrote: post #307

I am an introvert not because I don’t like socializing with people, but rather because I can’t shake the impression that they don’t like socializing with me (and I have been proven right in this notion). In order to become more likable I’ve had to adopt an extremely perceptive and self critical mental framework to analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people. It has worked, and people seem to…

You might be a bit autistic, common enough in the software world. Lookup something called “autistic masking”. Source: All the autistic people in my life. I really like autistic people! Find your people and you won’t have to pretend around them.

Please don't try to diagnose people based on a couple paragraphs, on an internet forum, who didn't ask for a diagnosis in the first place.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#349

Post by blueflow »

atleastoptimal wrote: post #307

I am an introvert not because I don’t like socializing with people, but rather because I can’t shake the impression that they don’t like socializing with me (and I have been proven right in this notion). In order to become more likable I’ve had to adopt an extremely perceptive and self critical mental framework to analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people. It has worked, and people seem to…

> analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people

Is this a "you" problem or a "they" problem?

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#350

Post by mgh2 »

blueflow wrote: post #345
mgh2 wrote: post #342

“The odds are good, but the goods are odd” - why is SV full of wierdos? Part of the answer lies in social isolation. Whether you like it or not and regardless of personality, humans are social creatures. This was evident from covid. To avoid interacting with others is not only a disservice to your own growth but also to society. It is much easier to live in your own world then go out there and learn - books and the w…

Implied in this: That learning about other people will make you like them more and not lead to increased wishes for isolation.

Sure people are not the best creatures, but it is part of the painful learning curve
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