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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#321

Post by JackMorgan »

Some amount of social anxiety has to be a pre-modern survival trait. Strangers from another tribe or clan were often extremely dangerous. Even travel used to be fraught with bandits and highway robbery.

Many modern activities will put someone in close proximity to lots of strangers. Airports, public transit, busy streets, college parties, even big grocery stores all have lots of strangers. A person who doesn't want to be surrounded by strangers is probably feeling an ancient survival instinct. Now, if that feeling prevents them from visiting family, living a happy life, or accomplishing their goals, it's a problem. But I don't think feeling uneasy in a location filled with strangers is inherently unhealthy.

Likewise introversion isn't a bad thing. Some people would just prefer to be alone, and that's okay. Maybe it's a muscle they could strengthen, but I've known enough introverted folks who constantly practice social skills but never increase their inbuilt number of "social hours". They love people, love entertaining and meeting people, but as soon as that number is hit they go off into their room and don't come out for a few days. I don't think this is an issue, they've got a fixed amount of social energy and that's that.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#322

Post by croes »

sweezyjeezy wrote: post #304
croes wrote: post #292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That an introvert can be successful is a generally true statement if at least one introvert is successful. Given parent is an introvert and succesful the statement is true.

Yeah but the statement in question is (quote) "you can be EQUALLY successful as an introvert" - and we're talking about whether people should, generally, strive to be more extroverted at work. That there exists a successful introvert is not in question and isn't a good criticism of the article to me.

Equally to what?

The maximum success of extroverts or the average or the mean?

What exactly is meant by succesful? What's the measure?

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#324

Post by jl6 »

JackMorgan wrote: post #321

Some amount of social anxiety has to be a pre-modern survival trait. Strangers from another tribe or clan were often extremely dangerous. Even travel used to be fraught with bandits and highway robbery. Many modern activities will put someone in close proximity to lots of strangers. Airports, public transit, busy streets, college parties, even big grocery stores all have lots of strangers. A person who doesn't want t…

It’s a modern survival trait too, particularly for women, from whom we are all descended.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#325

Post by thrw42A8N »

0xEF wrote: post #295
thrw42A8N wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What this guy describes is social anxiety, not introversion.

I mean, lets also avoid pretending there is zero overlap. I am an introvert largely because my brand of social anxiety causes me to function better in typically introverted ways. Introvertedness is a spectrum as opposed to something with clearly defined boundaries.

There is no overlap, it's two different traits, both of which are a spectrum. You can have full social anxiety while not having any introversion, and vice versa. I am introvert very much and yet I have zero social anxiety.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#326

Post by ptsneves »

robertlagrant wrote: post #225
smsm42 wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's one thing I noticed - the author doesn't say "would you like me to introduce you to X who you could talk to about Y?". He says "hey, go talk to that guy" and thinks he's being kind. He's not. What Aditya could be hearing is "you're some kind of loser, there are so many obvious things any normal person would do, and you are doing none of them. Let me list some ways in which you are a loser. For example, you cou…

This doesn't seem to relate much to the parent comment. The idea of someone introducing you to someone else at a party is them helping.

This is also what stuck to me. The world is not as one wants and is up to the world to come to me with a fix. Self reliance replaced with self pity, will end up with sadness because the world will never be exactly as we want. I do find the idea of finding likeminded people good and you should do it. It is what I do and it is nice.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#327

Post by sega_sai »

azan_ wrote: post #236
sega_sai wrote: post #146

I don't find this convincing as an introvert. Dealing with shyness or being an introvert required me reading a few books and techniques how to deal with it. In the end that helped, but it was not as easy as just 'try harder' and took a few years. I also wish I realised earlier that it was an issue that needed addressing, but no one told me that. Overall the article seems to trivialize the issue in my opinion.

Can you recommend some books you’ve read? Struggling with the same thing

Overcoming social anxiety and shyness by Butler was one of the books that was pretty good.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#328

Post by Micral8022 »

300+ comments so far, and no mention of the elephant in the Valley : Asperger and it's 666 shades of narcissism.

I'm "on the spectrum", but conscious that narcissism in the bane of humankind.

Halas, 8 of the 10 richest American individuals disagree with me, and the #1 just got in power ;-)

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#329

Post by lll-o-lll »

atleastoptimal wrote: post #307

I am an introvert not because I don’t like socializing with people, but rather because I can’t shake the impression that they don’t like socializing with me (and I have been proven right in this notion). In order to become more likable I’ve had to adopt an extremely perceptive and self critical mental framework to analyze every thing I could be doing wrong to annoy or offend people. It has worked, and people seem to…

You might be a bit autistic, common enough in the software world. Lookup something called “autistic masking”.

Source: All the autistic people in my life. I really like autistic people! Find your people and you won’t have to pretend around them.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#330

Post by 542354234235 »

atoav wrote: post #239
thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

I am an introvert and I can (and if necessary will) take over the microphone and address a room with 500 people in it. I might even enjoy that a little. What makes me an introvert isn't that I am shy (I am not), what makes me an introvert is that I find all interaction with other people except a select few exhausting and draining. Don't get me wrong: That doesn't mean I am weird or bad at talking with people — in fac…

I agree and most psychology articles I have read describes it as such, that introversion or extroversion is about what recharges you and what drains you. What the OP article and most of the comments are talking about is social anxiety. I am an introvert, but I love get togethers and social situations. I just know I have a very finite emotional budget for those things and plan accordingly.
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