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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#171

Post by x0 »

irobeth wrote: post #126
inciampati wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, extroverts do understand this limited capacity. It's like when you live an ultra sedentary lifestyle, and one day you realize you can't catch your breath after walking up four flights of stairs. Like any capacity, socializing requires exercise. We are all descended from a long line of people who lived extremely social lives. It's only in the last decade or two that it became possible to live a productive live by…

Is anyone else like me? A little socializing goes a really long way for me. I don't hate it, it's not exhausting, I can do it well, and I'm generally seen as a fun person to talk with. I'm an introvert but not because my "social battery" is discharged by socializing, but instead because I need to discharge in solitude I have unlimited social stamina and can do it forever, if by forever you mean that if I'm left in so…

That's definitely me. I'm generally not social, but I love clubbing, dancing and raves. Not just the music (top reason) or the physical aspect, but all the chatting with randoms too. I love the bullshit we talk, the temporary friendships and the places you find yourself at 5am. (and if anyone's wondering, nope, just alcohol)

But I can go once and be good for months. See friends a few times a year as well, and I'm sorted.

This is hard to explain, but I think it's about "who you are/how you see yourself". As if there's a tension in my head, "am I my thoughts, or am I how other people see me?" When I have been more social recently, I ruminate less and am generally happier, but I feel I lose a bit of "depth" in my psyche. I just feel kind of "thin", like a minor character in a TV show. Though writing that, maybe that's just depression trying to pull me back in.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#172

Post by pydry »

forgotoldacc wrote: post #162
vouaobrasil wrote: post #9

One thing to me is fairly obvious: people who are introverts can be social, but only for limited amounts of time. For example, I like talking a lot, but I can only do it for limited amounts of time. Maybe only a few hours a week. If I'm pushed past that point, I just don't want to chat any more. It's like I'm full of food, but with socialization. After that I find socialization immensely distasteful and irritating. T…

Or not just limited amounts of time, but limited types of people. I have some friends who I have no trouble talking with all day. But with the overwhelming majority of people I meet, even if we get along well, I feel exhausted after too much interaction. Dealing with some types of "extroverts" is particularly tiring due to not caring about the weird formalities and talking around things that a lot do to seem "friendl…

I've never been able to distinguish this from simply being shy. More shyness means more stress in certain social interactions and stress is tiring.

Moreover, I'm pretty sure you could take the most extroverted person around and take them out of their social element and they too would tire out.

And vice versa, some of the most introverted people don't get tired out by their spouse.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#173

Post by ethbr1 »

kstrauser wrote: post #86

I regularly say yes to work dinners and such that I don’t personally want to attend. That sort of thing is far outside my comfort zone, and that’s exactly why I do it. It’s good exercise to pretend to be outgoing and chatty for an evening. Like any other skill, you get better at it with practice! And the author here is so right: almost everyone else at these things besides the salespeople are probably also introverts…

> Like any other skill, you get better at it with practice!

Johnny Carson was an introvert. [0]

If he could be a professional-calibre conversationalist, then I refuse to believe most introverted people can't at least reach the passable cocktail party level.

[0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Carson#Personal_life

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#174

Post by HKH2 »

int_19h wrote: post #77
zenethian wrote: post #5

This is a terrible article that reads like an AI generated LinkedIn post. Nevermind the fact that the author isn't using the terms introvert and extrovert correctly; the message is quite ableist. Not everyone can achieve this level of communication in a productive manner. Telling people that management will "prefer" one over the other when it's "budget time" is also dead wrong. I've fired more extroverts than introve…

The author straight up says that being an introvert or an extrovert is a choice. They clearly have no idea what it actually feels like being an introvert.

There's a choice for an introvert to put on a front once they know how, but that's nowhere near becoming an extrovert.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#175

Post by tayo42 »

lolinder wrote: post #69
inciampati wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, extroverts do understand this limited capacity. It's like when you live an ultra sedentary lifestyle, and one day you realize you can't catch your breath after walking up four flights of stairs. Like any capacity, socializing requires exercise. We are all descended from a long line of people who lived extremely social lives. It's only in the last decade or two that it became possible to live a productive live by…

> We are all descended from a long line of people who lived extremely social lives. It's only in the last decade or two that it became possible to live a productive live by text, alone, without the intense realtime, full mind and full body experience of being with other people. Most of us are descended from people who lived in small communities and rarely interacted with people who lived outside of them. It's only in…

> Most of us are descended from people who lived in small communities and rarely interacted with people who lived outside of them. It's only in the last 200 years (an instant on evolutionary timescales) that the majority of humanity ended up in a position where we have to constantly deal with more than ~30 people on a regular basis.

I would be surprised if this is true. Ancient civilizations were complex. When Pompeii erupted the population was around 10k just there. Having the chance to walk around part of it. Everything was dense and close and there were large city centers and markets. I'm sure the rest of Rome is just as big and same for the other cities and empires going back thousands of years.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#176

Post by lolinder »

tayo42 wrote: post #175
lolinder wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We are all descended from a long line of people who lived extremely social lives. It's only in the last decade or two that it became possible to live a productive live by text, alone, without the intense realtime, full mind and full body experience of being with other people. Most of us are descended from people who lived in small communities and rarely interacted with people who lived outside of them. It's only in…

> Most of us are descended from people who lived in small communities and rarely interacted with people who lived outside of them. It's only in the last 200 years (an instant on evolutionary timescales) that the majority of humanity ended up in a position where we have to constantly deal with more than ~30 people on a regular basis. I would be surprised if this is true. Ancient civilizations were complex. When Pompei…

> When Pompeii erupted the population was around 10k just there.

And Rome (the city) had a population of 1 million or more, but that doesn't change the fact that demographers estimate at most a 10–20% urbanization rate in the Roman empire—meaning at least 80% of the population lived outside of cities in rural areas. And that's Rome, which had a notably high urbanization rate compared to periods before or after, not matched in Europe until the industrial revolution.

Compare that with an 80% urbanization rate in the US today and we're looking at almost exactly the inverse from where we were 2000 years ago in the Mediterranean. And it's even worse if we're just looking at the US, which had a 5% urbanization rate in the 1790 census and didn't even get to 20% until 1860. Where we're at now is simply unparalleled in history, and there's ample evidence that we're not well adapted as a species to this kind of density.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#177

Post by whatevs2025 »

nuancebydefault wrote: post #76

To introverts I would say: just now and then try to get out of your comfort zone. Most of the time, it will feel liberating and next time it becomes much easier. Step 1. Regularly talk to strangers. Most easily it can be done at public transport or at a shop. Start with places where you are waiting for a short time. Just ask a silly question or say something about the weather. Step 2 speak up in small groups. Just sa…

As an introvert I do these things - actually search for opportunities to do a talk or to do public presentation works. This works (and you can find me on YouTube in these situations) but it doesn’t get easier with time. It actually feels like with time it gets harder to find the energy to do this again.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#178

Post by thayne »

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them.

However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a computer", going to a big social encounter is extremely stressful. And the idea of approaching and talking to someone I don't know fills me with terror.

That isn't to say that I never go to such activities, or try to go out of my comfort zone, but it is much, much more difficult for me than even other introverts.

If I were Aditya in the introductory story, telling me I should go talk to people would not be helpful, ot would just reinforce my insecurities and anxiety. What would be helpful is if someone, especially someone I at least knew a little came and said something like, "Hey, I hear you like Open Source, can I introduce you to , I think they would like talking with you?" And then introduce me, and initiate the conversation.

And there are also difference in how introversion manifests. One person might do fine in social interactions, but is terrified public speaking or giving presentations, and someone else is the other way around.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#179

Post by mp05 »

thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

> And the idea of approaching and talking to someone I don't know fills me with terror.

I think this is social anxiety and not to be confused with introversion.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#180

Post by HKH2 »

billy99k wrote: post #155
stormking wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's very simple: As an introvert, I'm neither afraid of nor bad at social situations. I'm just not (that) interested.

If this is the case, then why should we change the way everything currently works around the fact that you are capable, but not interested in socializing?

Not GP, but who's asking for that? I think all the blather is inescapable. I can't make people write an email instead of them wasting my time while they try to make sense of their own thoughts in a meeting. That's just how it is.
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