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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#251

Post by cdrini »

jeffrallen wrote: post #223

This is a profound misunderstanding of introversion. An introvert may choose to develop and use the skills of social connection that come naturally to an extrovert. But at what cost? If the situation demands extroverted behavior, then do it, fine. But the introvert pays a cost to recharge and come back to whatever equilibrium is normal for them. If the cost/benefit does not work out, an introvert can and should make…

My issue is it just so greatly depends. Certain parties, if I have some sort of pressure on me, I leave tired. Other parties, I leave happy and contented. I might even be tired, but overall happy! When I'm going to a party, I might feel dread, or I might feel exhilarated! And that rarely has an impact on how I feel after the party/gathering.

That's largely why I think the introvert/extrovert theory is not super accurate as a theory. In my experience, my energy after a party is not a constant that depends only on my personality. It depends almost entirely on external factors -- what my day was like, where my head is, who I'm meeting, what they're like, what we're doing, etc.

And: I can often place myself in a state of mind that makes me more or less amenable to a social gathering, and helps me enjoy it more; which will generally make me feel less tired/more satisfied when I leave.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#252

Post by Izkata »

teddyh wrote: post #62
rors wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia in my 40s. It's helped me understand why I struggle with certain tasks. Overall having a label has been a net positive. I'm hesitant to share my diagnosis with colleagues. I've been able to develop coping mechanisms and I feel like it doesn't impact my day-to-day. I don't want to cause disruption for those around me. I do have a friend with much more severe dyslexia and she does get the…

Regarding labels: https://www.egscomics.com/comic/2015-05-23 >

Didn't expect to see EGS used as a reference here...

There's a kinda funny extra level to labels and preconceived notions in that one: "sister" is a cover story for his female duplicate who was created from a tech/magic mishap early in that comic.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#253

Post by MoreMoore »

inciampati wrote: post #240
MoreMoore wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an introvert, no. Socializing is always draining. I enjoy being around other people and I enjoy socializing, I like going to parties and meeting people and whatever else, but it's extremely tiring for me. No matter how much I like the person it's with, I'll be exhausted afterwards and I'll need a lot of time in solitude and isolation to get all that energy back. It has nothing to do with how much peace a person br…

Socializing is always draining. It's a physical fact that it simply takes a huge amount of energy to engage with other people, no matter what you think your personality type is. Dealing with socialization is a big part of why we have these huge energy-intensive brains. I think the discussion here suggests it's an issue of perspective. Is socialization a fact of life, or is it something you are allowed to opt out of?…

Having known plenty of extroverts, I don't see how this is true.

The discussion here is wrong and at odds with the science I've seen and my anecdotal experience. You can't just decide we're all the same and that some of us just have an attitude problem. That's asinine and irritating.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#254

Post by kubb »

ternnoburn wrote: post #198
kubb wrote: post #13

It’s quite treacherous to identify yourself with labels: introvert, extrovert, conscientious, conservative, liberal, empathetic, neurodivergent, etc. The act of putting a name on some traits that you have can seem liberating: I finally know what I am, and why I’m different from others, and that’s fine. On the flipside, once you commit to a label, you lock yourself inside it, and instead of describing, it begins shapi…

Or, labeling yourself helps identify communities and systems that enable you to develop and grow more efficiently. I'm autistic, I discovered this partway through my adult life. Labelling it has done incredible things to build support infrastructure. I have more energy and less stress now. I'm queer, I discovered this as a young adult. It's connected me with whole communities. And most importantly, it's helped me dis…

Hmm, maybe you’re just a labeler and I’m noncommittal? Just kidding, I’m glad it works for you.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#255

Post by Gigachad »

delusional wrote: post #249
asdf6969 wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is mental illness not introversion. You don’t get anxious about other things you don’t like. You might not enjoy playing board games or Russian literature. Does it stress you out and make you anxious? Probably not. You just don’t care.

Please do not impose the "mental illness" label on people over the internet. One of the foundational requirements for any diagnosis of a mental illness is a negative effect on the person's capacity to function, and you just can't evaluate that over the internet. Its quite harmful to stigmatize peoples stories. Let people be different.

If someone is feeling deeply anxious over a social interaction, that’s a pretty clear negative effect on their capacity to function.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#256

Post by dandellion »

sweezyjeezy wrote: post #242
ternnoburn wrote: post #194

This author is deeply deeply misunderstanding other humans. They are applying a "it worked for me, therefore it works for all" mentality. And worse yet, coming to the wrong conclusions. You do not need to be an extrovert at work to get ahead. Full stop. Does it help in some ways? Sure, but you can be equally successful as an introvert as long as you are able to communicate clearly when needs demand it. Plenty of exce…

Are you not generalising in the same way? Because you are introverted and successful, does that mean extroversion is bad advice for all?

He is providing a counter example, which is not the same as generalising.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#258

Post by vasco »

vector_spaces wrote: post #221
asdf6969 wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is mental illness not introversion. You don’t get anxious about other things you don’t like. You might not enjoy playing board games or Russian literature. Does it stress you out and make you anxious? Probably not. You just don’t care.

I'll suggest to you that the boundaries between introversion vs mental illness are probably quite blurred in some cases. And although it may seem ridiculous to you, there are people for whom board games and Russian literature are pretty stressful and anxiety inducing in the same way that public speaking is stressful for many people. If you had also included math in your list of frequently disliked subjects, then it m…

They said talking to another human being fills them with terror.

Blurry boundaries or not, either you're dedicidng to minimize what it means to feel terror, or I agree with who you're replying to. Bit weird to point the finger at someone and tell them they have mental illness, but it does look like it. Again, if you accept the description, I cannot see how terror would be an appropriate response to a conversation and would prevent someone from leading a normal life.

It would be nearly impossible to have a job for example.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#260

Post by thayne »

mvdtnz wrote: post #234
thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

> the idea of approaching and talking to someone I don't know fills me with terror. It seems you have completely missed the point of the article: this is something you need to work on. If you don't, it will negatively impact you for your entire life.

My point is that if someone isn't as good at socializing as you are, instead of assuming that they are too lazy or "closed heart" to do better, acknowledge that it might be orders of magnitude more difficult for them than for you, and try to be understanding and helpful instead of dismissive.
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