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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#231

Post by m463 »

thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

I've heard one way a parent can help a shy child is to have them look after much younger children. Even very shy children seem to be able to manage talking to less-experienced, less-intimidating, pipsqueaks.

Wonder if there's a way to take that tack.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#232

Post by interludead »

thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

It seemed to me that social interactions cause anxiety not only because you are an introvert but also due to the situation in which the interaction takes place. It seems to me that even if you are an "extrovert," you would feel anxiety when speaking at some seminar. It all depends on the context. But I might be wrong.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#233

Post by interludead »

vector_spaces wrote: post #221
asdf6969 wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is mental illness not introversion. You don’t get anxious about other things you don’t like. You might not enjoy playing board games or Russian literature. Does it stress you out and make you anxious? Probably not. You just don’t care.

I'll suggest to you that the boundaries between introversion vs mental illness are probably quite blurred in some cases. And although it may seem ridiculous to you, there are people for whom board games and Russian literature are pretty stressful and anxiety inducing in the same way that public speaking is stressful for many people. If you had also included math in your list of frequently disliked subjects, then it m…

It's important to remember that stress responses vary widely

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#234

Post by mvdtnz »

thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

> the idea of approaching and talking to someone I don't know fills me with terror.

It seems you have completely missed the point of the article: this is something you need to work on. If you don't, it will negatively impact you for your entire life.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#235

Post by interludead »

vouaobrasil wrote: post #9

One thing to me is fairly obvious: people who are introverts can be social, but only for limited amounts of time. For example, I like talking a lot, but I can only do it for limited amounts of time. Maybe only a few hours a week. If I'm pushed past that point, I just don't want to chat any more. It's like I'm full of food, but with socialization. After that I find socialization immensely distasteful and irritating. T…

It seems to me that everyone has a limit

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#236

Post by azan_ »

sega_sai wrote: post #146

I don't find this convincing as an introvert. Dealing with shyness or being an introvert required me reading a few books and techniques how to deal with it. In the end that helped, but it was not as easy as just 'try harder' and took a few years. I also wish I realised earlier that it was an issue that needed addressing, but no one told me that. Overall the article seems to trivialize the issue in my opinion.

Can you recommend some books you’ve read? Struggling with the same thing

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#237

Post by interludead »

ternnoburn wrote: post #194

This author is deeply deeply misunderstanding other humans. They are applying a "it worked for me, therefore it works for all" mentality. And worse yet, coming to the wrong conclusions. You do not need to be an extrovert at work to get ahead. Full stop. Does it help in some ways? Sure, but you can be equally successful as an introvert as long as you are able to communicate clearly when needs demand it. Plenty of exce…

Success is about the skills, contributions and value you bring to the table, not about how much you talk

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#238

Post by inciampati »

ACow_Adonis wrote: post #60
inciampati wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, extroverts do understand this limited capacity. It's like when you live an ultra sedentary lifestyle, and one day you realize you can't catch your breath after walking up four flights of stairs. Like any capacity, socializing requires exercise. We are all descended from a long line of people who lived extremely social lives. It's only in the last decade or two that it became possible to live a productive live by…

So what you're saying is that extroversion is curable with a bit of a change of social behaviours and environment, and with a bit of practice, discipline and repetition we can turn them into mathematicians, farmers, hunters, philosophers, scientists, monks, priests and witch doctors and negate this artificial always networking and hustling environment that's only been created in the last 200 years with the industrial…

FWIW, I'm "extroverted" in the terms used in this thread, but I'm also all of these: mathemetician, farmer, scientist. We can work on monk or priest but those might be mutually exclusive!

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#239

Post by atoav »

thayne wrote: post #178

This feels like the author has made the assumption that since they are an introvert, all introverts are like them. However, I think that introversion, like most things is a continuum, not binary. Take the characterization of introverts in the article: "They would rather sit in front of the computer than go out during the yearly college social fest." For me it isn't just a matter of "I'd rather be in front of a comput…

I am an introvert and I can (and if necessary will) take over the microphone and address a room with 500 people in it. I might even enjoy that a little.

What makes me an introvert isn't that I am shy (I am not), what makes me an introvert is that I find all interaction with other people except a select few exhausting and draining. Don't get me wrong: That doesn't mean I am weird or bad at talking with people — in fact I am quite the opposite. It just means it costs me a lot of energy, while extroverts appear to lose energy when they are alone, I lose it when there is a certain kind of social interaction needed around me.

So people don't really see me as an introvert, because to them it is all about being shy and a little bit awkward. But that isn't what makes you an introvert, the energy part is.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#240

Post by inciampati »

MoreMoore wrote: post #151
halfcat wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. I always thought this captured it well: ”I used to think I was introverted because I really liked being alone but it turns out I just like being at peace and I am very extroverted when I’m around people who bring me peace.”

As an introvert, no. Socializing is always draining. I enjoy being around other people and I enjoy socializing, I like going to parties and meeting people and whatever else, but it's extremely tiring for me. No matter how much I like the person it's with, I'll be exhausted afterwards and I'll need a lot of time in solitude and isolation to get all that energy back. It has nothing to do with how much peace a person br…

Socializing is always draining. It's a physical fact that it simply takes a huge amount of energy to engage with other people, no matter what you think your personality type is. Dealing with socialization is a big part of why we have these huge energy-intensive brains.

I think the discussion here suggests it's an issue of perspective. Is socialization a fact of life, or is it something you are allowed to opt out of?

It's okay to be tired. A day that leaves you exhausted should be celebrated and followed up with rest to prepare for the next day!

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