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How to grow professional relationships

tej.as

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Re: How to grow professional relationships

#91

Post by aragonite »

carlosjobim wrote: post #33
tejaskumar_ wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this very much and strongly agree: I hate receiving those sheepish catch ups, especially when I anticipate an ask coming. In fact, if I sense I want to make an ask but I haven't spoken with someone in a long time, I just won't ask them for the thing because we don't have that context/rapport yet: it's a way of honoring them. Continuing to make it practical, one thing that has served me well was to maintain a l…

> an ask I only see people writing this here in HN. Is it some expression from old that has been revived or is it some activist thing?

OED added this use of "ask" (as in a big/huge ask) in 2005 and said it's originally Australian.

https://english.stackexchange.com/a/111601

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#92

Post by dyauspitr »

dennis_jeeves2 wrote: post #68

Nearly every professional 'relationship' I've had has been transient after you stop working with them, with people completely failing to reciprocate even after multiple attempts to reach out. From talking to people I know that this experience is not unique to me, this appears to be the norm, may be it's the industry I work in : software development.

I could never talk to my colleagues with the same abandon that I do with my friends. They’re always slightly at arms length to maintain decorum.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#93

Post by JTyQZSnP3cQGa8B »

jjice wrote: post #35
mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

Does anyone have any practical advice to keeping up with former remote coworkers? My last job was remote with some fantastic people, but as time has passed and the company hasn't done incredibly well, people have scattered (including myself) and I've found it tricky to keep in touch. I'll video chat with some of them once every few months online, but I only have contact with some of them this way. For others, it feel…

People hate LinkedIn but it's my solution. I only "follow" former coworkers and ask how they are doing once in a while, and sometimes to have lunch at noon.

LinkedIn sucks unless you you restrict yourself to coworkers and IRL friends.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#95

Post by throwaway134543 »

that_guy_iain wrote: post #59

I find this quite funny, I've worked with this author at a company and the stories of his behaviour to other coworkers there make my WTF collection. So to find him talking about growing professional relationships either means he's made massive strides in his behaviour or it's a lot of nonsense. This is the one I always tell people when I explain how WTF IT can be, I wasn't there for it, but it was retold with the aut…

To clarify: you're saying the author (Tejas) himself walked up to a woman on her first day and called her a slut?

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#96

Post by trogdor »

tejaskumar_ wrote: post #64
that_guy_iain wrote: post #59

I find this quite funny, I've worked with this author at a company and the stories of his behaviour to other coworkers there make my WTF collection. So to find him talking about growing professional relationships either means he's made massive strides in his behaviour or it's a lot of nonsense. This is the one I always tell people when I explain how WTF IT can be, I wasn't there for it, but it was retold with the aut…

Iain, nice to hear from you after all these years! I still say the weirdest shit ever, but now more in line with my value of honoring people above all else. I indeed, by the grace of God, have made massive strides in my behavior thanks to friends like Gabe Greenberg from G2i.co (where I worked some time ago) and others. I also talk about our shared company where we worked together and the toxic environment in this po…

Your response to Iain suggests that his account of your interaction with a new female colleague (“You know you're a slut, right?") is generally accurate.

Do you really think of that as “saying the weirdest shit ever”? Most people I know would call it overt sexual harassment.

I’m struggling to understand how you could have thought that was acceptable conduct.

What am I missing?

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#98

Post by [deleted] »

ghaff wrote: post #82
tejaskumar_ wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hahaha, what a lovely story! Really shows what happens when we engage as _people_, not _opportunities_.

This is a lot of the misunderstanding around "networking" you see in discussions. A lot of tech people see it as an unwelcome task/burden. Whereas, it should be generally viewed as a pleasurable opportunity to just get to know people who may (or may not) be useful at some point in the future.

[deleted]

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#99

Post by bityard »

blitzar wrote: post #15
mkmk wrote: post #9

On the practical side of things, one important behavior that I see people frequently forget is the importance of following up. This is probably the biggest differentiator between relationships that languish in the early stages, versus those that progress along the author’s continuum. It’s always a bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever-…

> bit strange when you only hear from people once every few years, just as they need an intro or career advice or whatever This might out me as a psycopath, however, cut to the f'ing chase. If it is a transactional conversation don't insult my intelligence by pretending that it isn't. Obvioulsy this can create a problem as I tend towards "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". If something is within my m…

I get it, as engineers we value efficiency and truth above almost everything else. But most people are not like us.

They want to be appreciated, acknowledged, and seen above almost everything else. If you call up an old acquaintance and start the conversation by asking if they know of any job openings, you will be seen as someone who only values what they can DO for you, instead of who are they ARE to you. Nobody likes being a tool, they like being a friend, and like feeling that they are doing something good for someone that likes them for who they are.

Now, we ALL know that the call out of the blue to catch up often has an ulterior motive but it's polite (and necessary) to at least PRETEND that the ask is not the main reason you called.

Re: How to grow professional relationships

#100

Post by anshulbhide »

tejaskumar_ wrote: post #7
alexpotato wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> No matter how much I tried to engage or find common ground, they kept shutting down any attempt at teamwork. This reminds me of a story from when I was in business school. We were assigned groups for project work and it was very difficult if not impossible to transfer out of a group. This was by design b/c the point was to teach the students to deal with interpersonal issues and group dynamics. My friend was in a g…

Did they consider kicking Bob out of the group?

In most b-school group projects, the work is fairly easy enough such that the headache of kicking someone is out is probably greater than just doing the work amongst the remaining members.
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