Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

But PE stereotypically cuts cost in a shortsighted way.

I was sexually, physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abused from birth through adulthood, with it slowing when I moved out of my parents’ home and only fully stopping when I went low-contact. I would regularly show up to school with bruises and cuts. As a 6-month-old infant, I was dropped on my head and shattered my skull due to severe neglect. I underwent 12 hours of emergency surgery and have a Grand Canyon of a scar running across my head. My sister tells me doctors said I would likely experience significant developmental delays and not be “normal”. My mother likely meets criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (Sociopathy), and definitely meets criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and chronic PTSD with psychosis. My own diagnoses have included Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Complex PTSD, and my first therapist was monitoring my symptoms for OCD-primarily for obsessive presentation, since my compulsions were mostly internal/mental.

I was ahead of the curve at math and science growing up, but struggled with reading comprehension and writing, likely due to the TBI and being bilingual. As a result, I wasn’t in the gifted and talented program, but still outperformed my gifted and talented peers in math & science, graduating with high honors. I have a BA in Economics. I worked in finance for 4 years after graduating undergrad and got my trading licenses. I eventually left to join the Peace Corps and picked up two more languages during my service. I then went to grad school for a Masters in Social Work to become a therapist as I wanted to help others on their healing journey.

I’ve struggled off and on with depression, anxiety, and suicidality since I was a teen. I started therapy when I was 24. I was depressed, anxious, dissociated, and miserable despite having done all the things that represented outward success. I had been trying to hold my shit together for three years at that point. My niece had died when I was 21 and that completely broke my history of complex trauma wide open as she was murdered by her mother- my brother’s ex. Even still, it wasn’t until a roommate, seeing me come home crying every day, told me to seek help that I sought out therapy, starting a healing journey that continues to this day. As an adult I still struggle with being hard on myself and self-worth despite being objectively accomplished.

Financially, I’m doing okay. I have my own private practice where I charge more than most in my field at $185 a session. I work very limited hours as my girls are still little, but I’m looking to double my earnings into the low six figures by next year while keeping to my part-time schedule. I don’t function well in a traditional 9-5 job. I still become overwhelmed at times with juggling parenting, my private practice, and my own trauma triggers and history but my mental and emotional health have become more manageable. I noticed a big shift into wellness last year once I went very low contact with my toxic parents and some of my siblings.

I’ve done a ton of EMDR therapy and believe it has helped me and continues to help me transform my endless list of traumas and negative self-beliefs. I don’t struggle with MDD or GAD or suicidality anymore. My main motivation to continue to heal myself has been to not pass down my inter-generational trauma to my beautiful girls. I don’t ever want to hurt them the way my mother hurt me, and I am proud of myself for being a good mother and providing a safe home environment for my girls.

I wish everyone on here all the best. The journey is hard, but healing is possible, one little step at a time.

Much love to all!

I don't feel the need to get into my childhood but there was instances of severe abuse/neglect, and extreme hoarding. Some light sexual stuff but it's all fuzzy. Our home and upbringing was a lot like that Turpin [0] family where they were basically forbidden outside contact despite maintaining normal appearances to the outside world. If that was a 10/10, mine was about a 7. I've had symptoms of PTSD since a very early age and subsequent traumatic events in adulthood.

My teens/early 20's were... difficult. I was independent by 17 and mostly was too busy trying to survive than to seriously attempt college. By my mid 20's I was able to enroll in community college and then transfer to a prestigious CS program and graduated with honors. I naively thought this would be the "end" of my problems - a lot of the trauma drove me to push through extraordinarily difficult circumstances during my time at school and trying to juggle several jobs.

In the decade since though, while I do have much more money and resources to get help than I used to, I feel I have declined. I've had persistent depression and anxiety for so long it's to the point I have difficulty recognizing it without the help of a therapist, who I see 2x a week. Found out I am very high functioning on the spectrum, and people often have difficulty understanding where I am coming from in terms of life experiences and I have difficulty relaying to them why I am the way that I am, so I often present a facade, which is isolating and lonely. My siblings fared a little better than I did and found family with their significant others that I for whatever reason did not. I suspect without being a gifted child I would have died a long time ago.

So all in all, not great, but probably much better than my peers in similar situations did.

[0] - https://abcnews.go.com/US/turpin-daughter-escape-happened-di....

It may make for extremely driven people! Maybe many of the people with the most drive get it from a reaction to trauma. That doesn’t mean that the average person does better with trauma though.

Check the CDC site on ACEs. Or almost any other site. The data is astoundingly clear.