91–100 of 357 posts
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. The ACE test is convenient and that makes it useful. It validates people’s experiences and that makes it a good thing. I have a pretty clear idea of how and why my childhood was the way it was. I could stretch and analog my lived experiences to fit the questions. Gifted has been bullshit in the water where I swim for a long time. Invisible.…
The hardest part about being "gifted" and having a difficult childhood is being able to compete/achieve at high levels consistently. For brief moments I can be amazing at art, relationships, work, social situations, etc. But it all comes crashing down once I get too taxed or triggered. I simply don't have the energy or ability to be functional at the gifted (and even less) level for long periods of time. Even worse the recovery time from being drained is way longer than my close friends who grew up in more stable environments.
On paper things look pretty good for me. But keeping everything in order takes a lot out of me and I'm struggling to find the strength to do more and to live up to my "potential".
I definitely feel like you when it comes to success. I would be considered moderately successful (grad degree, decent professional job, married, kids, etc) but just sort of average (median household income for our area). It doesn't feel like "I made it" yet. It's been a real struggle to keep my job, or really want to keep it. I can't stand the politics and the unknown standards that I need to hit. It also sucks that they can't give me the reasonable accommodations I asked for such as additional coaching and they even talked about putting me on a PIP this year. With the job market the way it is, I'm finding it hard to switch jobs internally or externally. Of course with my autism, changing jobs is also difficult and risky even in a good market. Also as you mentioned, these internal struggles are consistently unknown to those around me. Even my wife doesn't understand how hard certain things affect me and instead sees me as being very smart and very successful even though the data I see only supports the moderate versions of that. I don't feel appreciated at work or at home and I don't get to do very many things that I enjoy.
I'm not satisfied with my life. I wish I had my diagnosis before getting married and I would have chosen a different path. Although I think I'm also greatful for not having the diagnosis before graduating as I probably would have had a "what's the point of trying" moment at some of the difficult points.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s defined in the link at the end of the post.
Should I have to click on a link to find out what an acronym cited in a post means?
I started writing a reply about my childhood. But then I realized I would be sharing more than I'm comfortable sharing in public, I don't even feel comfortable creating a throwaway account to discuss this stuff.
Opsec awareness is brutal on public socialization.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Opsec awareness is brutal on public socialization.
Even private socializing. How well do you really know most people when it comes to sensitive subjects?
I once had someone share something rather personal, followed up with a comment that they suspected I’ve had similar experiences.
The reason? The language and phrases I use when referencing parents. Nothing negative per se, but the way in which I refer to them (example: my mother) and others. I was giving away more than I realized.
Which wasn’t so much of a concern in this context, but I’m more away of it now around people I don’t know especially.
(This comment actually puts me a little outside of my normal personal opsec, but I’m going to let it stand here)
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Even private socializing. How well do you really know most people when it comes to sensitive subjects?
Not the person you’re responding to, but I’m careful with what I share with people. I once had someone share something rather personal, followed up with a comment that they suspected I’ve had similar experiences. The reason? The language and phrases I use when referencing parents. Nothing negative per se, but the way in which I refer to them (example: my mother) and others. I was giving away more than I realized. Whi…
I've been diagnosed with a few things, but none very concretely other than dysthymia and general anxiety disorder. My mom has adhd, and her sisters have schizophrenia. Also my niece was diagnosed with autism. She thinks I have Adhd but I can't really tell whats what until my sex issues are through.
I am quite taken back (and a little choked up tbh) by the high numbers that people are reporting in the comments. I can't even imagine what that means. Seriously wishing you best to all of you.
I turned out pretty well: successful career, married a really long time, and raised 3 kids without neglecting or abusing them. I still feel like an alien among people, but I’m socially functional, great confidence, can handle myself in any sense, etc.
I never mention my diagnoses to others but I keep them secret and do use them as valuable tools on how to approach my own problems and challenges. I never consider myself a victim — that’s like a sacred sin to me.
I’m very grateful for all the good and all the bad I’ve experienced. It built me into a flawed person that I’m very proud of.