wow, that was very powerful, and i didnt make it very far before being completely overwhelmed with emotion. but i am very grateful for this insight into human nature that can only come from the extremes of human experience.
Losing my son
351–360 of 434 posts
Re: Losing my son
#352Re: Losing my son
#353Earlier quoted context omitted.
Religious flamewar is not allowed on HN, and we ban accounts that do it, so please don't. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
[flagged]
It was a flamewar comment whether you intended to post more or not.
"Toleration of conflict" in that quote is hardly saying that people should just inflict whatever they like on each other!
Re: Losing my son
#354I’m sorry for your situation. Having gone myself as a 5 year old sibling through something like this I wish to stress this: Don’t let your other children become chronically mentally ill, send them to the psychotherapist and counselor and do that for years. You can’t imagine the amount of suffering they will have untreated. This is not something that you can just outlive and your children are dependent on you supporti…
So weird that I started reading C. S. Lewis’ “a grief observed” yesterday and today this popped up on hn. Your comment and OP’s thread made me go from a lurker to registering an account.
I was 2.5 years old when my brother was born with complications, brain damage being one of them. Could breathe by himself, but fed through a tube and couldn’t move. 3 months later he died.
Not sure what the total impact from this event has been, but I am affected by this event even today, decades later. It’s weird how something can impact a little child that much, but the loss was/is real. Especially with kids that I played with that had siblings (at that time when I was back to zero). Not unfazed, but not mentally crippled either. My parents didn’t, unfortunately(?), take me to any counselors or so, it wasn’t even recommended by any in the medical support apparatus.
I am often reminded that “God gives and he takes” (especially Job’s book), that might be the most pragmatic approach I’ve come up with over the years. And I still miss him when the wound opens once in a while, but at least he didn’t have to suffer.
I haven’t finished the books yet, but C. S. Lewis has at least two on this topic: “a grief observed” and “the problem of pain”, the latter written before losing his wife to cancer.
I hope you and your family can come through this trying time with your hope and faith intact.
Re: Losing my son
#355I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…
At 49 I became a new father. My son (perfectly healthy thus far) is now 2.5 years old.
When I became a parent (a thing that the docs said was "likely impossible" given the obstacles in my and my partner's bodies, and yet here we are with what will likely be my only child ever), a number of perceptions changed, and one of them is that I can never look at any story involving parents, children and tragedy the same again.
I found it supremely difficult to read your piece but I did it anyway. ..... aaaaand I just had to pause because my eyes welled up at the end of the last sentence.
So I'm going to say nothing, because as you said, saying anything is awkward, and you already know how I feel to an extent, because you were a new father too once and terrified of stories like this (much less living one), so in honor of you sharing this part of your life story, I will make sure to hug my son when he returns from daycare shortly, because at the end of the day, love is the only currency that matters.
Keep loving that kid, even given the current situation. I know you have no choice, but keep doing it anyway. Much love to you and yours.
Re: Losing my son
#356Isn't Michael Schumacher also in a similar condition for more than a decade now?
Re: Losing my son
#357[flagged]
This crosses into personal attack. That's not allowed here. I'm sure what you wrote here is coming from your own learning and experience, and those are good things. If you want to talk about your own experience with difficult things, that's welcome. However, when someone else does do, please don't reply with judgmental abstractions and supercilious advice—it's definitely not in the intended spirit of this site ( http…
I can't tell if this is a joke or not but does helping people who have had the same problems as you count as a personal attack here?
That's bizarre to say the least.
It's not "judgmental abstractions and supercilious advice". Jesus.
Man, the replies here make me sick to my stomach and yours is especially bad dang. What an absolutely pathetic response from a moderator.
Edit: Just read your bio and the quote from Milner. I now think you just exude hypocritical thinking on the daily now, or maybe that quote was added a long, long time ago. Gave me a laugh.
Re: Losing my son
#358[flagged]
> The best thing to do with trauma as a kid is to let it go. Makes it sound like you have a choice. If you could let go it wouldn't be trauma ? A psych I saw told me to "just stop thinking about it" when I told her about my problems. Bitch I'm here for sole reason that I can't stop thinking about it. "Just do x" is non advice.
You do have a choice. Everything we do is sourced by choices. It's weird that you think helping people is not advice.
I never said stop thinking about it. I said think about it, pass it through your pipeline of thought and then acknowledge it and leave it.
Re: Losing my son
#359[flagged]
The best way to not be sick is to just refuse to get the disease in the first place. Also known as the republican approach to COVID.
Except if you get the disease and then cry about it and woe is me instead of taking the medicine.... then that's apparently the only course of action? What.
So you're saying if we cured cancer people would still willingly die of cancer because it's "too hard" to take the right approach to curing it?
Re: Losing my son
#360[flagged]
I agree it's totally necessary to do this to live a fulfilling life, however it's unrealistic for most. It usually takes hundreds of hours of psychoanalysis to even come close to "getting over it", or even discovering what "it" is in the first place. Unfortunately most countries healthcare systems and/or peoples' wallets aren't equipped to deal with that.
Yes. Hundreds of hours is nothing in the lifespan of a human adult. Start today.