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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#301

Post by dang »

larsiusprime wrote: post #251
exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

For what it’s worth I draw the line closer to your preferences than you think - we would have stopped the CPR much earlier and let him go but everything happened so fast and we were never given a choice. He breathes under his own power and is actually physically very healthy. We give food and water and basic care, but he is in hospice and we will not revive him if his heart stops again. My line is that I won’t starve…

I'm sorry that you got subjected to such a nasty attack in such a painful time.

I would wish that the kind responses add up to more good feeling than the unkind ones destroy, but I know from experience it doesn't always work that way.

Re: Losing my son

#302

Post by pelasaco »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

> I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em.

Stay safe and stay healthy, your other kids still need you. Your Son will be alive forever on your heart and memories. Stronger than the death, just the love, I heard once.. stay strong!

Re: Losing my son

#303

Post by larsiusprime »

aaronsimpson wrote: post #233
larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I appreciate you finding a way to so eloquently put your thoughts into words. For the longest time, I always felt like a terrible person or somehow socially or emotionally broken for being unable to respond to others grief. It's not that I couldn't imagine it or somewhat feel how they were feeling, but simply the wish that there was sentence or string of words I could put together to make it all okay. I guess anyone…

Literally nobody knows what to say including me. It’s okay that it’s not okay.

Re: Losing my son

#304

Post by demondemidi »

larsiusprime wrote: post #256
demondemidi wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The tube feeding and pain meds are artificial life support measures in my mind. But then again I’ve never had a child or experienced anything remotely like this so it is easy to be glib and pick on logic. I’m in my sixth decade so I’m petty sure I’d feel the same way you do. I would not want to have a living altar, that term just made my jaw drop after such beautiful articulation.

We are different people. We draw the line in different places. All such lines are ultimately arbitrary. Please don’t judge me for drawing it in a slightly different place than you do; my position is likely closer to yours than you think and I’d appreciate not being judged on a public forum for not being 100% in agreement with you.

Wait where did I judge you? At no point did I say you were good or bad, I commented on the decision if it were me and words you used. I'm sorry if I offended you, I just don't know where I judged you.

Re: Losing my son

#305

Post by chrisbrandow »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Thank you for such a vulnerable description of your terrible journey right now.

Re: Losing my son

#306

Post by dang »

77pt77 wrote: post #285
monero-xmr wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pain, applied surgically, by people you trust. That previous sentence describes my father who was abusive in many strange ways. Sexual molestation was not included, so I can’t relate there. My best advice is to succeed in spite of the barriers God placed in front of you. Ultimately it is you and God who care about what is happening moment to moment. Good luck

[flagged]

Religious flamewar is not allowed on HN, and we ban accounts that do it, so please don't.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Losing my son

#307

Post by dang »

seoulmetro wrote: post #59

[flagged]

This crosses into personal attack. That's not allowed here.

I'm sure what you wrote here is coming from your own learning and experience, and those are good things. If you want to talk about your own experience with difficult things, that's welcome.

However, when someone else does do, please don't reply with judgmental abstractions and supercilious advice—it's definitely not in the intended spirit of this site (https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html). No doubt you didn't intend to come across that way, but effects matter more than intent.

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39037689.

Re: Losing my son

#308

Post by pcj-github »

What a gifted writer.

A very close friend of mine's brother was bicyling back home after his first year of college and was struck by a drunk driver, he was left in a vegetative state for about 8 years before finally passing from urinary complications. The father, also a creative person, wrote "In the Line of Fire", if you ever saw that film with Clint Eastwood. They said it was the worst and best thing to ever happen to them; I still don't understand what it means.

Re: Losing my son

#309

Post by rustyminnow »

rudasn wrote: post #288
larsiusprime wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And to anyone who feels like telling me what a bad person I am for drawing the line in a slightly different place than you do on Euthanasia — go read Four Magic Words before you post something glib assuming you know anything about my reasoning and motivations. Go ahead and have a reasoned debate about euthanasia if you want — I’ve never subscribed to “the person who is suffering the most this second gets to be right…

Hey man, I don't know you and you don't know me, but if I may I'd like to point out that you don't have to explain your feelings or thoughts to a bunch of strangers on the Internet. Just getting them out there, in this form, is a gift for anyone willing to receive it. Thank you.

I don't disagree with you, but it actually seems like a great strategy to avoid internet arguments... My grandfather used to tell a story about how when he was a child he'd get beat up on the way home by the bullies on the corner (circa 1950).

He resolved it with a similar approach - run in headfirst, fists flying, clobber everybody before they knew what hit em, and bounce. Seems a good idea to quash the trolls before they even get started.

Re: Losing my son

#310

Post by zengid »

When you become a parent, it's like being reincarnated but your old body is still there. You have two bodies now. Eventually you grow strong enough to withstand the new flood of sensations and emotions, but the majority of your energies goes into the new body. You have so much more to protect, but ultimately you have less you can control. You are along for the ride.

My deepest condolences to the author.

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