Wonder how many of the people commenting on this have teenage kids?
I have 150-180 every year. :|
Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
41–50 of 76 posts
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#42> Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about? Um. Yeah. My parents might have gotten me to answer here, but they had literally spent a lifetime building trust. Being from a religious community, I saw a lot of authoritarian parents who had completely destroyed their relationship with their kids. Good luck talking about getting your teen to talk about forbidden topics you’ll punished them for if they giv…
Seriously. If either of my parents had asked me this when I was a teenager, my brain would have immediately gone into overdrive trying to figure out what they already knew about, what they suspected, and how best to keep my secrets secret.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#43> When I was your age I was more lonely than anyone knew. Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about? I spend my entire working day, and many hours afterward in extracurricular activities, with teenagers. This is a remarkably bad question. None of the questions, to be honest, is very good, but this one in particular would earn you a straight-up blank stare. It’s good to ask kids direct, deep questions,…
Terror is a good word for it and is not exaggerating.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#44Earlier quoted context omitted.
Who has the time? We're all grinding to make money. Occasionally I play some online games with friends, but you'd be surprised how many times some of them can't make it because they're working OT to cover child support.
Running errands together means socializing and doing chores at the same time. Anecdotally, I have seen that arrangements among some wen I know - even cleaning one of their house together and next week another house. Mutual help in boring works and socialization at the same time.
True, I've done that for some projects. With the crazy schedules though, it can be tough to coordinate for routine chores.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#45Earlier quoted context omitted.
Who has the time? We're all grinding to make money. Occasionally I play some online games with friends, but you'd be surprised how many times some of them can't make it because they're working OT to cover child support.
> because they're working OT to cover child support. Isn't child support a percentage of earnings?
Most places calculate it as a percentage of earnings with some other factors included at a single point in time (resetting takes other petitons and seems to rarely happen). But that percentage is translated into a dollar amount and is basically set in stone from that point on. Lost your job? Tough shit, keep paying while you look for a new one.
Now imagine you're deployed and earning hazard pay when they set that initial dollar amount. Then a couple years later you're not earning that same pay because you're in the reserves. Now you have to work OT at your civilian job to make the payments and support yourself because the way the courts handle child support is ridiculous.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#46Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can say I might have had a meaningful relationship with parents if they were the kind of people to ask some of these questions when I was young. Questions are not trite and do not treat the person as dumb. But yes asking them the right way requires to adopt this attitude too.
I actually feel like questions should be _genuinely_ discussed earlier than the article suggests; more like tweens minus the virginity question. I feel as if the feedback would be less obstructed the earlier the discussion takes place. My children are young and we have already had discussions above their age level on a handful of these topics.
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Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#47Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't know anyone who fishes, bikes, or plays golf. I suspect this is the reason many people are critically lonely. There's just no place to be with other people and talk. Perhaps women are culturally more comfortable going out for coffee or running errands together. For all the men I know that would be super weird. Shame. We need to find new ways to just be together.
Who has the time? We're all grinding to make money. Occasionally I play some online games with friends, but you'd be surprised how many times some of them can't make it because they're working OT to cover child support.
I have the time. I'm not "grinding". Life is more than what other people tell you your priorities should be.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#48> When I was your age I was more lonely than anyone knew. Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about? I spend my entire working day, and many hours afterward in extracurricular activities, with teenagers. This is a remarkably bad question. None of the questions, to be honest, is very good, but this one in particular would earn you a straight-up blank stare. It’s good to ask kids direct, deep questions,…
So true!
The question at the top is a power play, a sales pitch, an ego boost that fakes reciprocity but keeps all the cards.
Notice how the vulnerability is kept in the past. "I used to be lonely, but now I'm fine! I don't need anything from you, but I bet you need something from me!"
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#49Earlier quoted context omitted.
"Your social media and screen use is a problem and you should let me trick you into accepting some restrictions on it" and "you should already have your entire career planned out by now, why don't you, pick something" seem fairly implicit to me from the first three, though you're right about the others. It does seem like they're all kind of pushing the "you should open up to me" angle, though - I feel like that would…
That is NOT what that question is about and if you read longer explanation, you would know it. It was not about making them accept new rules. And majority of questions are not even opinion based.
> If you were a parent, what rules would you set for screens?
> Turn the tables, suggests O’Malley, and let them think about an issue from another angle.
I'm finding it hard to take your interpretation on this one. Even the explanation calls it "turning the tables."
The word "rules" is enough to enforce the power dynamic. The subject of the sentence isn't "screen time," it's "rules."
The accusation of not reading the explanation is unwarranted.
Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation
#50Wonder how many of the people commenting on this have teenage kids?
I don’t but I have friends that do.