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Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

theguardian.com

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Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#31

Post by jcpham2 »

throwaway290 wrote: post #26
RugnirViking wrote: post #7

These seem so incincere, I can't put my finger on why. Just be interested in what they're interested in, same as how to connect with anyone. Let them tell you about things. Thereby establish you are interested in them as a person and are a good listener. And perhaps critically, don't start out with a view to change them - that requires a great deal of trust willingly placed on their behalf which you haven't earned an…

I can say I might have had a meaningful relationship with parents if they were the kind of people to ask some of these questions when I was young. Questions are not trite and do not treat the person as dumb. But yes asking them the right way requires to adopt this attitude too.

I actually feel like questions should be _genuinely_ discussed earlier than the article suggests; more like tweens minus the virginity question.

I feel as if the feedback would be less obstructed the earlier the discussion takes place. My children are young and we have already had discussions above their age level on a handful of these topics.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#32

Post by em-bee »

pauldenton wrote: post #5

If you want to start an important conversation ask if they see any viable path to property ownership before their 50s

that assumes that property ownership is something everyone should want, so it is a leading question. better ask if they think that owning a house is important. you can have a much more open conversation that way. if they say yes, then ask how and when they would think they would achieve that.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#33

Post by thaumasiotes »

giantg2 wrote: post #23
JackMorgan wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know anyone who fishes, bikes, or plays golf. I suspect this is the reason many people are critically lonely. There's just no place to be with other people and talk. Perhaps women are culturally more comfortable going out for coffee or running errands together. For all the men I know that would be super weird. Shame. We need to find new ways to just be together.

Who has the time? We're all grinding to make money. Occasionally I play some online games with friends, but you'd be surprised how many times some of them can't make it because they're working OT to cover child support.

> because they're working OT to cover child support.

Isn't child support a percentage of earnings?

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#34

Post by hnfong »

pauldenton wrote: post #5

If you want to start an important conversation ask if they see any viable path to property ownership before their 50s

The math is relatively simple, but the social/political/macroeconomical policy influences to wages, interest rates, property values are non-trivial and probably require a brief incursion into basic economics before a fruitful discussion could be held.

Otherwise, just tell them the lie that you can own a home if you work hard for 30+ years.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#35

Post by lucb1e »

myshpa wrote: post #30
lucb1e wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(Note that the link claims to go to a .jpg file, but actually opens the full reddit UI with cookie wall and the whole shebang. Edit: I had a temporary reupload in here, but since that reupload is temporary and HN comments can be edited for only 2 hours nowadays, well, it's been nearly two hours so I need to remove it now to prevent this comment having a permanently broken link. /edit) Also, I don't get what you're tr…

Many individuals neglect to address climate change (or rather overshoot), often shifting blame while maintaining their consumption habits. For instance, despite knowing its significant environmental impact, most people are reluctant to reduce meat consumption, risking a bleak future for their offspring. This inaction and mere talk reflect a hypocritical stance, as people avoid making meaningful contributions to clima…

Ah, now that's some clear words that I can understand and subscribe to!

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#36

Post by watwut »

RugnirViking wrote: post #7

These seem so incincere, I can't put my finger on why. Just be interested in what they're interested in, same as how to connect with anyone. Let them tell you about things. Thereby establish you are interested in them as a person and are a good listener. And perhaps critically, don't start out with a view to change them - that requires a great deal of trust willingly placed on their behalf which you haven't earned an…

There is nothing more insincere then me "being interested" in Harry Potter, Taylor Swift and superhero movies. As in, if insincerity is the worry, the common interest us the worst possible platform. Because, partly I am not interested in stuff teenagers are into now, which is normal for someone of my age. And partly because teenagers seeks to create own identity so me going into there would kinda destroyed it for them.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#37

Post by watwut »

amenhotep wrote: post #18
cedilla wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What opinion is getting pushed by these extremely open questions? I can see how many teenagers wouldn't like to openly discuss sex or politics with their parents because they already know what kind of answers their parent want or don't want to hear. But I don't think the article claims that asking a few questions can undo years of bad parenting.

"Your social media and screen use is a problem and you should let me trick you into accepting some restrictions on it" and "you should already have your entire career planned out by now, why don't you, pick something" seem fairly implicit to me from the first three, though you're right about the others. It does seem like they're all kind of pushing the "you should open up to me" angle, though - I feel like that would…

That is NOT what that question is about and if you read longer explanation, you would know it. It was not about making them accept new rules.

And majority of questions are not even opinion based.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#38

Post by watwut »

giantg2 wrote: post #23
JackMorgan wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know anyone who fishes, bikes, or plays golf. I suspect this is the reason many people are critically lonely. There's just no place to be with other people and talk. Perhaps women are culturally more comfortable going out for coffee or running errands together. For all the men I know that would be super weird. Shame. We need to find new ways to just be together.

Who has the time? We're all grinding to make money. Occasionally I play some online games with friends, but you'd be surprised how many times some of them can't make it because they're working OT to cover child support.

Running errands together means socializing and doing chores at the same time. Anecdotally, I have seen that arrangements among some wen I know - even cleaning one of their house together and next week another house. Mutual help in boring works and socialization at the same time.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#39

Post by dmvdoug »

> When I was your age I was more lonely than anyone knew. Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about?

I spend my entire working day, and many hours afterward in extracurricular activities, with teenagers. This is a remarkably bad question. None of the questions, to be honest, is very good, but this one in particular would earn you a straight-up blank stare. It’s good to ask kids direct, deep questions, but they have to believe—-like feel in their guts—-that no matter what they tell you, you will still be there for them and you won’t judge them. Especially when kids are doing something they know is dangerous or harmful (like, say, cutting or acting out sexually). And if we’re completely honest, kids are often most afraid of telling their parents about that stuff. I deal with this a lot, in part because of the environment my kids (at school) are growing up in leading to a shitload of trauma and in part because I am one of the adults in the building who truly gives a shit about their mental health and emotional well-being (there aren’t that many of us, unfortunately, out of 120 teachers). The single most common element every case of a kid confiding in me has is terror over what their parent(s) will say/do. So, these questions are, like, not exactly designed to elicit real answers.

Re: Questions to ask a teenager to start an important conversation

#40

Post by dmvdoug »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #28

> Is anything going on in your life that no one knows about? Um. Yeah. My parents might have gotten me to answer here, but they had literally spent a lifetime building trust. Being from a religious community, I saw a lot of authoritarian parents who had completely destroyed their relationship with their kids. Good luck talking about getting your teen to talk about forbidden topics you’ll punished them for if they giv…

A million times this. Even if the parents aren’t necessarily authoritarian, kids can still be deeply afraid of confiding in their parent(s) when they’re doing something that they feel their parents will judge them for. Teenagers feel like they’re being judged from the outside all the time. They worry so much (consciously or not) about what other people think of them. To have it come from home too can just be too much.
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