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Networking for introverts

economist.com

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Re: Networking for introverts

#91

Post by chefandy »

lolinder wrote: post #89
chefandy wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Extroverted developers suffer from interrupts just as much as introverted developers, and I've been interrupted numerous times by very introverted managers. This is a matter of understanding developer workflows and uniquely severe context switching penalty-- not a difference between introverts and extroverts.

I just switched jobs from an extroverted manager to an introverted one, and the difference is night and day. My new manager doesn't feel the need to talk to me except for at scheduled times or if I reach out to him. Outside of those windows, I'm free to focus 100%. I don't think he is doing it on purpose, it's just the most natural way for him to act. My previous manager couldn't stay in his seat for more than two ho…

I worked with several extroverted managers (attorneys) who understood that uninterrupted dev time was important without me needing to prompt them, and had several others, both introverted and extroverted, that just insisted on my attention whenever it was most convenient for them. While it's quite likely that among two people who lack boundaries, an extroverted manager (also not the same as not being able to sit still, which is more likely something akin to ADHD Impulsive) would be more likely to be annoying about it, but the problem is lacking boundaries and self-control in the workplace, not their social compulsions.

Re: Networking for introverts

#92

Post by fsociety »

lacrimacida wrote: post #77
SanderNL wrote: post #58

Don't want to awaken any sleeping dogs here, but what the author describes reminds me more of social anxiety and/or self-esteem issues than introversion. I'm an introvert. I can sit still and not speak to anyone for weeks and be fine. Happier even. Having no-one around recharges me like nothing else. The reverse is true as well which makes me incredibly popular at parties /s. When I was young(er), a networking event…

How about getting extremely drained in loud and chaotic environments where even conversation abilities break down due to noise? Im getting older and give a lot less fucks as well but some things that were extremely unpleasant that I used to have a hard dime with are no longer on my calendar. Why go through the pain when there is zero gain? Why even bother? If I really have to, in such environments, in order to tolera…

I have heard from a psychologist that folks often confuse introversion with social anxiety. Introversion is having your default focus tending to be inwards, whereas social anxiety can make situations like you are describing unbearable.

Obviously there are other reasons for this too like overstimulation from sensory input. But I think there is truth to this statement.

Re: Networking for introverts

#93

Post by UI_at_80x24 »

I'll have you know I've been networking for a VERY long time.

Token Ring, IPX, SMB, and then most recently TCP/IP.

=)

Seriously though, I describe myself as a gregarious introvert. I'm an only child so I also love being the center of attention. And, (no surprise) I was also the class clown.

I can mask really well, so none of it shows.

I dislike being in crowds/groups where I haven't known people for many years. That wouldn't stop me from getting on stage during an open-mic comedy night though.

I prefer to sit quietly reading a book though.

Re: Networking for introverts

#94

Post by runald »

anoncow wrote: post #20

How does me being an introvert change concepts of networking? Ah! This is the "other" networking.

Just talk to people with UDP, that way you don't have to do handshake, just speak without waiting for your turn. When they say "I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that, can you repeat?", you'd just go back to your little corner and drop all incoming packets, and wait until the party ends.

Re: Networking for introverts

#95

Post by blindhippo »

fsociety wrote: post #92
lacrimacida wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How about getting extremely drained in loud and chaotic environments where even conversation abilities break down due to noise? Im getting older and give a lot less fucks as well but some things that were extremely unpleasant that I used to have a hard dime with are no longer on my calendar. Why go through the pain when there is zero gain? Why even bother? If I really have to, in such environments, in order to tolera…

I have heard from a psychologist that folks often confuse introversion with social anxiety. Introversion is having your default focus tending to be inwards, whereas social anxiety can make situations like you are describing unbearable. Obviously there are other reasons for this too like overstimulation from sensory input. But I think there is truth to this statement.

This is what I tend to believe (as a very high scoring introvert on various types of tests). Introversion in a physiological sense is high sensitivity to external stimulation. Fill up the bar too fast, it can cause an anxiety response.

Some people then struggle with dealing with overstimulation, leading to anxiety disorders and a learned aversion to high stimulation situations/environments which often social situations are.

The nuance, I think, is that what constitutes stimulation isn't objective and will vary from person to person.

Re: Networking for introverts

#96

Post by mongol »

montgomery_r wrote: post #83

I read the article and remembered why I cancelled my sub to The Economist. This was written by an intern who had half read the research paper with 15 minutes to filing deadline. LI/virtual and physical networking aren't the same, and, per comments, the author had not taken the trouble to understand what an introvert is. Poor stuff.

I think it was funny. Not much meat to it but entertaining. If every article was written like this, it would be tiresome, but a few per issue I don't mind.

Re: Networking for introverts

#97

Post by jrgoff »

SanderNL wrote: post #58

Don't want to awaken any sleeping dogs here, but what the author describes reminds me more of social anxiety and/or self-esteem issues than introversion. I'm an introvert. I can sit still and not speak to anyone for weeks and be fine. Happier even. Having no-one around recharges me like nothing else. The reverse is true as well which makes me incredibly popular at parties /s. When I was young(er), a networking event…

I agree that social anxiety and introversion often get conflated. Another component of introversion I have found for myself seems to be physiological. I have always considered myself fairly introverted and have also had a fair amount of social anxiety. In my younger years I largely isolated myself for large periods of time. At one point I started taking a vitamin B supplement to attempt to treat some RSI nerve issues. It didn't seem to impact what I was trying to treat, but I began to crave social interaction which was challenging for me because nothing in my life was structured to provide me with social interaction and I still had enough social anxiety that I did not even consider seeking out interaction more directly (like going to a bar and chatting with people). The craving of social interaction went away after I stopped taking the vitamin B supplement. I experimented on and off with the vitamin B, but it eventually led to me having severe insomnia when taking it so I had to stop. I have noticed a similar but milder response to supplementing vitamin D (both feeling more social as well as insomnia).

Re: Networking for introverts

#98

Post by RestlessMind »

Cthulhu_ wrote: post #75
chefandy wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So... in the context of career networking... Everybody should just mind their business and leave each other alone?

More that it doesn't need to have a big emphasis on social skills or the people you know, but on merit and skills. Most software development jobs are already like that though, with both face to face interviews and take-home assignments. Some do whiteboard interviews, but I don't really get those because they're not representative of the job you will be expected to do - unless it's for a teaching position.

> More that it doesn't need to have a big emphasis on social skills

> Most software development jobs are already like that though

A tiny fraction of software engineers have jobs where they don't need to interact with anyone. Beyond a certain level of seniority, you are expected to lead or influence teams, mentor junior colleagues or work with cross-functional teams like product or sales. Even when you are junior, you need to work with rest of the senior members to learn from them and earn their trust.

All of that needs social skills.

Re: Networking for introverts

#99

Post by psunavy03 »

blindhippo wrote: post #95
fsociety wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have heard from a psychologist that folks often confuse introversion with social anxiety. Introversion is having your default focus tending to be inwards, whereas social anxiety can make situations like you are describing unbearable. Obviously there are other reasons for this too like overstimulation from sensory input. But I think there is truth to this statement.

This is what I tend to believe (as a very high scoring introvert on various types of tests). Introversion in a physiological sense is high sensitivity to external stimulation. Fill up the bar too fast, it can cause an anxiety response. Some people then struggle with dealing with overstimulation, leading to anxiety disorders and a learned aversion to high stimulation situations/environments which often social situatio…

I'm no psych, but this sounds more like a description of the autism spectrum than introversion.

Re: Networking for introverts

#100

Post by basscomm »

Tycho wrote: post #11

I think extroversion and introversion are just orthogonal skill sets. The solution can simply be “get better at extroversion.” For instance, small talk. You may style yourself as someone too intellectual to be entertained by small talk, and profess to be terrible at making small talk. This is to misunderstand the value proposition of small talk, which is to establish trust and rapport with strangers before you commit…

> I think extroversion and introversion are just orthogonal skill sets. The solution can simply be “get better at extroversion.”

No. Introversion and extroversion aren't skills, they're things that you are. You might as well say that the solution to being short is to just 'get better at being tall'. It doesn't work that way.

Introversion is not shyness. Introversion is not social anxiety. Introversion means that you expend energy when you deal with other people, and extroverts gain energy when dealing with other people.

I'm introverted by nature. I function perfectly well in social situations. I can do small talk, I can give presentations, the whole bit. But doing those things mentally wears me out. The bigger the group I'm dealing with is, the faster I get drained, and once my energy is drained I have to get some time away from the group to recharge.

Extroverts are the opposite. Their mental batteries get drained by being alone, and they get charged up via social interactions.

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