> this Game of Thrones genetic push felt by men to have children”. Literally no idea what this means.
Page after page of the same turgid grimdark prose?
‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
21–30 of 281 posts
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#22Geezer* Perspective... [*If not in the USA, read "Old geezer". Credit: Aachen] Many varieties of "I really regret that I [did|didn't] do X when I was younger" occur in older humans. The stereotype of young men wanting to avoid all the work and commitment of setting down, marrying, and raising children is older than the pyramids. It is obviously not true of all young men, but there's very seldom been a shortage. Sure,…
(For anyone else not in the know: Geezer being USA slang for an old man apparently, or in Brittain just any man... I assume it's supposed to be the former)
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#23I can't have kids. So am I big sad. Congratulations to all fathers out there. Want to adopt some poor kid and give him/her a possibility to have a kind of a standard life and to help to open a door to the world :( But a single man adopting is considered as pervert. So I am even bigger sad.
> But a single man adopting is considered as pervert Is this evidence or assumption? Not challenging too hard just wondering if you've actually been called or treated like a perv or if it's something you assume will occur
It is theoretically possible as a single male, but there are many more restrictions - in practice its very very rare. For example, see these requirements for a very large international adoption agency: [1]. In my experience there is, as OP describes, a strong stigma against single males, not just that they are considered perverts, but also that they are considered incapable of taking on this responsibility alone, not nurturing enough, too career-focused, etc.
[1] https://www.holtinternational.org/adoption/ See "Quick overview of parental eligibility requirements" section
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#24Men can have children even in their 80s, rich people do it all the time.
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#25I can't have kids. So am I big sad. Congratulations to all fathers out there. Want to adopt some poor kid and give him/her a possibility to have a kind of a standard life and to help to open a door to the world :( But a single man adopting is considered as pervert. So I am even bigger sad.
> But a single man adopting is considered as pervert Is this evidence or assumption? Not challenging too hard just wondering if you've actually been called or treated like a perv or if it's something you assume will occur
Not sure by bt4u's comment is dead, but I've had that exact situation happen to me. Been accused of trying to steal a child while taking my son to the playground. It is an actual thing and it sucks.
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#26> this Game of Thrones genetic push felt by men to have children”. Literally no idea what this means.
They're talking legacy and heritage. “It’s the family name that lives on. It’s all that lives on. Not your honor, not your personal glory, family.” — Tywin Lannister
House of Duras would disagree.
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#27Evolution. It's programmed into you, the drive to reproduce. And that's a good thing. You won't understand how important and amazing it is until you have your own kid. NOTHING is more important.
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#28Interesting article. I think part of the issue is education. We get lots of education and resources to help us not have children. But the logistics of finding a partner, maybe marrying, maybe buying property, and then starting to have children is ignored. You very suddenly reach an age as a man where you realise these things are all going to take time and that might be time you don't have. Or time your partner doesn't have. At a certain age, if you're still dating, you might need to start to date women slightly younger than yourself too, and before long you've aged out - you're too old to date a women still of child-bearing age. I've noticed in friends once they hit their thirties, things start to move quickly. New relationships no longer last 4 years before ending - they're engaged after 12 months and married within 24 months. The 'deadline' and pressure can be a good thing for some people. Others will make mistakes. So I think it's a mix of not understanding how early you need to start on the road to having children, mixed with the paradox of choice where people don't want to 'give up' all of their options and then leave it too late. I definitely think the number of childless men who regret it will grow massively with Millennials and Gen Z.
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#29Geezer* Perspective... [*If not in the USA, read "Old geezer". Credit: Aachen] Many varieties of "I really regret that I [did|didn't] do X when I was younger" occur in older humans. The stereotype of young men wanting to avoid all the work and commitment of setting down, marrying, and raising children is older than the pyramids. It is obviously not true of all young men, but there's very seldom been a shortage. Sure,…
Why is wanting to do X now so you don’t regret not doing X later not a valid reason for wanting to do X? I want to eat lunch now so I’m not hungry later. I want to study hard now so I don’t regret not studying later. Aren’t most motivations essentially based on the possibility of future regret?
depends on your personality. for me, most of my motivations are based on what I feel like doing right now
Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men
#30Geezer* Perspective... [*If not in the USA, read "Old geezer". Credit: Aachen] Many varieties of "I really regret that I [did|didn't] do X when I was younger" occur in older humans. The stereotype of young men wanting to avoid all the work and commitment of setting down, marrying, and raising children is older than the pyramids. It is obviously not true of all young men, but there's very seldom been a shortage. Sure,…
People are actually moving less than years past.
https://www.thirdway.org/report/stuck-in-place-what-lower-ge...
“In the 1950s, about 20% of the population moved every year. By 2017 that number had been cut virtually in half.”