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‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

theguardian.com

1–10 of 281 posts

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#3
I can't have kids. So am I big sad. Congratulations to all fathers out there.

Want to adopt some poor kid and give him/her a possibility to have a kind of a standard life and to help to open a door to the world :(

But a single man adopting is considered as pervert. So I am even bigger sad.

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#4

I can't have kids. So am I big sad. Congratulations to all fathers out there. Want to adopt some poor kid and give him/her a possibility to have a kind of a standard life and to help to open a door to the world :( But a single man adopting is considered as pervert. So I am even bigger sad.

> But a single man adopting is considered as pervert

Is this evidence or assumption? Not challenging too hard just wondering if you've actually been called or treated like a perv or if it's something you assume will occur

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#5
post #2

> this Game of Thrones genetic push felt by men to have children”. Literally no idea what this means.

They're talking legacy and heritage.

“It’s the family name that lives on. It’s all that lives on. Not your honor, not your personal glory, family.” — Tywin Lannister

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#6
Geezer* Perspective...

[*If not in the USA, read "Old geezer". Credit: Aachen]

Many varieties of "I really regret that I [did|didn't] do X when I was younger" occur in older humans.

The stereotype of young men wanting to avoid all the work and commitment of setting down, marrying, and raising children is older than the pyramids. It is obviously not true of all young men, but there's very seldom been a shortage. Sure, their feelings may change as they grow older - but a young man whose main motive for marriage is "so I don't regret not having kids when I'm old" strikes me as a young man who the young women should avoid.

In some cases, I get the sense that "I really regret not having children" is mostly a way of articulating "I am old and socially disconnected and feel lonely and depressed". In the modern world - where kids generally grow up and move far away for jobs - having had children would probably not help much with that.

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#7
post #4

I can't have kids. So am I big sad. Congratulations to all fathers out there. Want to adopt some poor kid and give him/her a possibility to have a kind of a standard life and to help to open a door to the world :( But a single man adopting is considered as pervert. So I am even bigger sad.

> But a single man adopting is considered as pervert Is this evidence or assumption? Not challenging too hard just wondering if you've actually been called or treated like a perv or if it's something you assume will occur

It will absolutely occur. Men who take their kids to the playground by themselves are often confronted (by moms of other kids). At some point things are so obvious that not many people are going to bother finding a peer reviewed study to cite. Maybe they should but they won't.

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#8
post #2

> this Game of Thrones genetic push felt by men to have children”. Literally no idea what this means.

It’s explained by the next sentence.

> Instead, he said: “There’s this mistaken belief that men are fertile across their lifespan, so there’s no imperative to get on with it.”

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#9

I can't have kids. So am I big sad. Congratulations to all fathers out there. Want to adopt some poor kid and give him/her a possibility to have a kind of a standard life and to help to open a door to the world :( But a single man adopting is considered as pervert. So I am even bigger sad.

It's becoming more and more common for single men to adopt children. But yeah, expect some scrutiny. Otherwise we failed as a society.

Re: ‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

#10
post #2

> this Game of Thrones genetic push felt by men to have children”. Literally no idea what this means.

Everything from genetic onwards makes sense, but “Game of Thrones”? I’m coming up with nothing too. I can think of familial incest, strife, dysfunction, etc. but no examples of a guy wanting to have kids comes to mind.
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