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Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

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Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#261

Post by nicbou »

r3trohack3r wrote: post #207

As a kid, I had extreme social anxiety. I had a hard time talking to people and making friends. I never felt like I “belonged.” As an adult, I still have crippling social anxiety. I can’t speak for everywhere, I’m pretty much only in the U.S., but I’ve noticed that most fellow adults I come across are chronically deprived of social interaction. My social anxiety doesn’t actually matter. Me being awkward, and weird, a…

One thing that helps is to consider how much you've gained by trying and failing to socialise versus not trying at all. My failures to fit in were far less impactful than my failures to try. So I try more.

I know that you can't rationalise your way out of irrational fears, but the thought still helps.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#262

Post by whstl »

xattt wrote: post #40
kilbuz wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The global pandemic may be affecting their behavior.

My street was full of older folks that we got to know over the years. Some moved to assisted living, some are getting there, and some passed away from unexpected diagnoses. We have new Gen Z neighbours for the last two years who seem to exist in their bubble, shutting out the immediate world and interacting only with their social circle. Barely an acknowledgement even if we’re out in the yard, shovelling snow or cutt…

I definitely see a pattern regarding younger folks.

I got some Gen-Z co-workers, and most of them immigrated here alone. A lot of them don't interact much with other co-workers, don't join parties, activities or happy hours, don't speak the language of the country, and report spending all weekend alone at their single-room apartments.

I also ask them to not work overtime but they just mute Slack and continue working after 6pm and lie on their monthly timesheets (yep we got those now because of this). They haven't learned how to change git timestamps yet, though.

Most will go back to their country sometime after claiming they couldn't adapt to the "cold culture" here. At least that's what happened for the last few years.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#263

Post by whitepaint »

r3trohack3r wrote: post #207

As a kid, I had extreme social anxiety. I had a hard time talking to people and making friends. I never felt like I “belonged.” As an adult, I still have crippling social anxiety. I can’t speak for everywhere, I’m pretty much only in the U.S., but I’ve noticed that most fellow adults I come across are chronically deprived of social interaction. My social anxiety doesn’t actually matter. Me being awkward, and weird, a…

Just keep doing what you're doing. Like with everything, expose yourself to your fear and it'll get better.

> I still play the fun game in my head of “haha did we all have a good time today or did I actually say something terrible and now everyone hates me or thinks I’m a fool?”

Appearing as a fool, saying controversial things, getting rejected over and over again - that is how you get over social anxiety.

- Someone who had a great deal of social anxiety and now has no problem at all meeting random strangers at random events.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#264

Post by netfortius »

Again a US centric article. While it would have been impossible to achieve such, consistently, in the suburbs of US, in a city like Chicago greeting neighbors became a little more feasible, but to Mr Rogers' point - probably useless beyond four or five. In French cities like Montpellier, Aix-en-Provence, Nice, Vic-sur-Cere, etc., though, it is possible to go way over the "6 limit", with increasing benefits. I know a lot of people on the street where I live for the moment, and some of the neighboring ones, and I greet a lot of folks while walking outside ("walk" = keyword). I also greet my favorite two butchers, two or three boulangers, the fromager and a lot of folks at the farmers markets and small deli stores, cofee shops, etc., on a daily basis. The more - the better it makes you feel.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#265

Post by nvarsj »

r3trohack3r wrote: post #207

As a kid, I had extreme social anxiety. I had a hard time talking to people and making friends. I never felt like I “belonged.” As an adult, I still have crippling social anxiety. I can’t speak for everywhere, I’m pretty much only in the U.S., but I’ve noticed that most fellow adults I come across are chronically deprived of social interaction. My social anxiety doesn’t actually matter. Me being awkward, and weird, a…

I'm not usually one for drugs, but the thing that helped me get out of extreme social anxiety (I had selective mutism into my 20s), was anti-anxiety meds (off-label Modafinil). I didn't take it for long, but being able to be in a social situation without that feeling of dread and anxiety was actually mind blowing.

It helped me recognize a state of mind where I didn't immediately go to massive anxiety. After that, with therapy and forcing myself to do more social interactions, I got into a much better place. I still have some anxiety, but it's largely manageable - and most people think I'm quite social now.

It's something you might want to consider talking to a doctor about. I don't think anyone should have to suffer from social anxiety if there is some option to help them get out of it.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#266

Post by drmpeg »

I'm pretty good pals with my immediate neighbors, right, left and across the street and we talk whenever we see each other.

My favorite neighbor Lois moved away after retiring. We used to call her the "CIA agent" because she knew everyone and everything that was going on in the neighborhood. I would talk to her every few weeks or so and get "debriefed". It was awesome.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#267

Post by dazc »

klipt wrote: post #124
hutzlibu wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Loners are probably much more likely to die of say, having a heart attack and not receiving help promptly." On the other hand, loners won't get a heart attack caused by other people ..

"People who experienced social isolation had a 32% higher risk of dying early from any cause compared with those who weren't socially isolated." https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/06/19/health/loneliness-social-...

Those people may be perfectly happy with such an outcome though?

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#268

Post by prox »

whitepaint wrote: post #263
r3trohack3r wrote: post #207

As a kid, I had extreme social anxiety. I had a hard time talking to people and making friends. I never felt like I “belonged.” As an adult, I still have crippling social anxiety. I can’t speak for everywhere, I’m pretty much only in the U.S., but I’ve noticed that most fellow adults I come across are chronically deprived of social interaction. My social anxiety doesn’t actually matter. Me being awkward, and weird, a…

Just keep doing what you're doing. Like with everything, expose yourself to your fear and it'll get better. > I still play the fun game in my head of “haha did we all have a good time today or did I actually say something terrible and now everyone hates me or thinks I’m a fool?” Appearing as a fool, saying controversial things, getting rejected over and over again - that is how you get over social anxiety. - Someone…

Exposing yourself to fear doesn’t work for everyone (though good to hear it worked for you!)

For some it activates the parasympathetic nervous system too much and you won’t have much luck easing the anxiety. Other means are available, often therapy or learning ways to cope with Parasympathetic activation. Usually focussed on calming the nervous system through various methods.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#269

Post by fnimick »

nemo44x wrote: post #122
foobarian wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's because immigrants who came over from Europe wanted castles, not hovels. And that's what they got.

Well, there’s lots of land making land ownership very attainable. During the 1930s and 1940s very little was built. And what was built was seldomly maintained. So after the war there were a lot of people living in old, outdated, cramped, and expensive apartments and tenements in cities. Suddenly materials were plentiful and there was a lot of available land. The economics of it were such that you could get a car and…

Also, suburbs were planned and most were explicitly designed to continue segregation.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#270

Post by fnimick »

dghughes wrote: post #220

My neighbourhood which I've lived in all my life has changed drastically, dramatically, creepily. The original owners were part of a sort of Habitat for Humanity type organization only it was a local thing a co-op. This was 1972 nearly ten years before early 1980s super crazy inflation so even then it was hard to afford a home. Everyone on the street knew each other even one street over either way people knew everyon…

Mowing lawns is pretty bad for insect life though, to be fair. And even having lawns should be avoided from an environmental perspective.
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