Ask HN: How do you handle tech use with your kids?

Every kid is different, but IMO the most important meter of screen time is: can they walk away from the device without issues, or can you take it away without causing a meltdown?

If so, everything is fine. How you get there depends on the kid a lot, some need hard screen time limits, some can moderate on their own.

You need to normalise the device, it's not a treat for something else or a magical device that they receive when they go "I'm bored".

As a parent (usually the dad) your #1 job is to make sure your kid is 1000% bored out of their mind as often as possible. Just make sure there are ways to alleviate that boredom nearby. For our kid it's a cart full of crafting supplies: paints, misc crap from the craft store, canvases, paper, scissors etc. For some it's a huge pile of random legos - no full kits preferably. And for others it might be a climbing wall, trampoline or something physical.

As for actual games, I can 100% suggest Toca Boca: https://tocaboca.com

They're not free, but they don't have ads or any kind of predatory IAPs either. Toca World does have IAP extensions to the world, but the price is fine IMO.

All of the games base heavily on exploration. Toca World, for example, has puzzles where secret locations in the buildings open up if you do specific things or find hidden buttons in the world. Otherwise it's just a game you dress up your 2D characters and decorate their world. Not that far off from Sims actually.

In other games you need to figure out what kind of food some weird alien looks like and how do they want it cooked, or how you can breed different types of plants by combining others.

They'll have to deal with addiction eventually. As with things like clickbait, they can build immunity with exposure.

Near unlimited screen time, except after lights off at night. Scale it back hard when they show signs of addiction - refusing to shower, refusing to stop watching when asked, not doing homework. Usually that means no devices for a week or so.

Why does mommy and daddy get screen time after dark? Because we get up at 5 AM, shower, brush teeth, cook breakfast. If the kids want more time, then they should get up early and get ready for school.

There is one TV. It goes to the kid with the most "points". Points are earned with good deeds, basically cleaning up, wearing seatbelts, etc, and reset at the end of the day.

TV time isn't always a win. The ones who don't get the TV will usually go out for a walk with daddy, cook together, kick a ball, play PC games, or something actually fun. Sometimes it ends up with the kid without TV priority calling unfair - the intent is showing them that even though they can get work hard and earn the luxuries, it doesn't always make them happy.

However, what they watch is heavily monitored. Most of the stuff on YouTube are junk by default. Avoid professional streamers, who usually tend to be hyped up, swear often, and exaggerate anger. Kids tend to pick up these habits.

Avoid the games designed for addiction. Usually things with microtransactions and no ending. Let them play the bad/lazy stuff though, those are good for building immunity.

It works out as planned. They enjoy it as a family activity, but most of the time they're drawing stickers, playing ball, building cardboard planes, the usual kid stuff.

And it's fascinating how the tech-neck only affects the younger population.

My kitchen psychology theory is that it's related to privacy.

"Our" generation[0] used (and still uses) more text-based media, which is harder to get a read on with a quick glance over one's shoulder.

But with Snapchat and others where images are a huge part of the content, the users put the devices right at their chest as high as possible and crane down so that people around them can't see their screen as easily. And after doing that for long enough, it's just a habit, they do everything like that because that's the way they are used to doing it.

Maybe a privacy screen could ease the issue? The kind we have on laptops that narrow the side viewing angle so that it's completely opaque even slightly from the side.

[0] GenX/Elder Millennial is my theory about the majority age for HN

Very much this. My kids (5, 3) have effectively unlimited access to their tablets. The moment that something interesting is going on the tablets get abandoned and they're off to ride bikes/swim/paint/build marble runs/etc. If I thought they couldn't stop whenever they wanted then I'd be putting controls in place.

The moment you cave and get them their own device, it's all over, they'll be different people from that moment forward. Even with screen time and firewall rules in place. You are doing good seeking advice, continue to pull the best ideas and incorporate them into your plan. Then stick with it. Period.

I wish we had.