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Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

vipshek.com

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Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#141

Post by tstrimple »

0xfae wrote: post #60
stronglikedan wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> introverts find interactions with other “draining” > I'm pretty sure this is bullshit. As an introvert, it's spot on. I have no problems socializing with people, whether I trust them or not. I spend long periods (e.g., days camping) with groups that I trust. I enjoy all of it in the moment. I don't have anxiety. It's all still draining, and I need to spend days alone to recharge after days of socializing, enjoyable…

I think if you use the model presented by the author of the article, it's less than you need to "recharge" but rather that after a few days you've filled your small group and large group bucket/quota, and now you need to fill that solitude bucket/quota. It's just two different ways of describing the same phenomenon. I like the authors because it's much more multi-faceted and easier to find practical applications, at…

Yeah, sure. One bucketing emptying over time and then refilling as you change activities is completely different than a battery which depletes over time and then recharges.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#142

Post by creata »

norir wrote: post #94
WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair to Jung, most of what he wrote is barely coherent garbage with zero experimental backing and an attitude towards intellectual honesty and scientific integrity which I would politely qualify as problematic. Sorry, I think it had to be said.

Do you fear Jung's ideas? If they are incoherent garbage with no merit, shouldn't they just collapse under their own weight?

People find his ideas fun. That doesn't mean they're good.

Astrology is much more obviously incoherent, but it isn't going to "collapse under its own weight" any time soon either.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#143

Post by tstrimple »

SketchySeaBeast wrote: post #100
pydry wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Im pretty sure everybody gets energized once they've gotten fully comfortable with someone. That process of getting comfortable is the relevant context though - not a virtual dial in their brain that goes from "introvert" to "extrovert".

But that's not what I'm saying - I'm saying conversation drains me even if I'm with someone I'm comfortable with. I'm tired when it's over. My wife is not. She comes home excited.

It's very much like I have a hidden meter for dealing with other people. Once it's full, I'm done with people. It doesn't really matter how much I like or trust these people. I can get burned out from talking to folks at work and need space from my family and vice-versa. I just need time to be alone and not have to consider making conversation or entertaining anyone. I need space for my thoughts to expand and to not be constantly distracted by other people's "noise". I love my wife. I love my kids. I enjoy spending time with them. But when that social meter is full, regardless of how it got full, I have little ability to engage with them.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#144

Post by michaelteter »

One dimension often missing from these (intro/extro-vert) discussions is the matter of what kind of people and what circumstance the interactions involve.

Put me in a large group of people I have little in common with or with whom I have no interest in -- but am forced to socialize with -- and I'm used up in minutes. But with people I can somewhat identify with, and in a situation which offers something for me, and I can go for hours and leave with equal or higher energy than I started.

There's also the matter of the depth of communication. In larger groups, it's difficult to reach any depth since many people may be involved in the discussion (and many people may behave differently or maintain more defensive walls); but 1:1 or in very small groups it's easier to develop trust quickly and have some very meaningful conversations.

I find many larger group interactions incredibly shallow and boring... just an endless stream of small talk with some attention-seeking, posturing, or peacocking here and there.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#145

Post by strken »

akhayam wrote: post #9

Introvert and extrovert is the most widely misunderstood thing I have seen at work and in personal life. This article also doesn’t do justice to the nuance that introverts find interactions with other “draining” … but it’s not necessary that they suck at it. I feel this way: having led teams of hundreds of people, I know I can have deep, meaningful and long conversations… but I don’t find them a source of joy. I enco…

The supposed "draining" of introverts sounds like a cold reading technique or something you'd read in a horoscope. It applies to nearly everyone to some degree.

Enjoy socialising but after a party you're glad to put your feet up and read a book? Get slight anxiety making small talk with strangers, to the point where you feel bad if you do it for more than six hours? Don't want to hang out with your boss at the mandatory company event on the weekend when you could be with your husband and kids? Congratulations, you're A) perfectly normal and B) an introvert, sort of, if you squint!

The problem is not that I don't get what it's like to feel drained, it's that I'm pretty sure everyone I hang out with except for literally one single person feels drained by social interaction at some point.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#146

Post by bmitc »

jmye wrote: post #135
bmitc wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> having led teams of hundreds of people, I know I can have deep, meaningful and long conversations… but I don’t find them a source of joy Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert? I am deeply introverted, but deep conversations are what I yearn for, but I find most people are not willing to engage in such, especially extroverts. It was my understanding that most introverts actually feel deeply, which is pr…

Seems like this is ascribing an awful lot of value judgement on personality type. I’ve had very deep conversations with people across the spectrum, and met a lot of introverts who couldn’t, or didn’t want to, talk at more than surface level.

I'm not sure what you mean by a value judgement. But these things are obviously personal, broad, statistical, and not absolute. Personality types are a thing though, and some types are more prone to certain behaviors and feelings than others. Doesn't mean it's always that way or better or worse.

Probably what's being re-hit upon is that there's more to personality types than introvert and extrovert.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#147

Post by cole-k »

kstrauser wrote: post #80
cole-k wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you describe what it feels like to have your emotional batteries empty? I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I were in your shoes trying to woo customers. I think the negative feelings I would have afterwards would be forms of anxiety: perhaps I'm worried I didn't present myself well, I'm thinking about a blunder I made, I have to recover because there was one guy giving me a hard time and making it diffic…

First, I wouldn't say I feel none of those things. I'm certainly aware of when I've made a misstep, but probably more than anyone else is.[1] I have what I think is the expected, rational amount of anxiety: I don't want to mess this up because I want to help our company close a deal. That's 99% of it, though. I'm not so much worried about making myself look bad. Second, your analogy of a concert? Spot on! Yes, that's…

Thanks for your response. I thought I would get some insight into how a very different person reacts, but I think we are actually a lot more similar than I thought :) I can certainly relate to how you feel.

Guess it just goes to show that my definitions of introversion and extroversion deviate from the norm quite a bit.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#148

Post by squirtlebonflow »

pizza wrote: post #118
vipshek wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did briefly discuss this idea of interactions "draining energy" in the post here: https://www.vipshek.com/blog/interaction#balance-not-batteri... . I understand that the idea of draining vs. charging works for some people, but I always found this concept even more baffling. For me, when I've been in solitude for a while, I feel a restless desire to go out and interact with people. When I'm in that lonely state, I f…

Two aspects I can think of that contribute to a sense of ‘draining’: - how much one ‘masks’ one’s feelings - how much attention/energy one spends deeply engaging with the other thoughtfully Eg two very different examples of draining conversations: 1. you’re at a party hosted by someone you care about and being a fun guest, but more for the host’s sake because you care about them and want to show up for them and help…

Ok, but that doesn't explain why extended periods of solitude are draining

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#149

Post by squirtlebonflow »

hightrix wrote: post #54
vipshek wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did briefly discuss this idea of interactions "draining energy" in the post here: https://www.vipshek.com/blog/interaction#balance-not-batteri... . I understand that the idea of draining vs. charging works for some people, but I always found this concept even more baffling. For me, when I've been in solitude for a while, I feel a restless desire to go out and interact with people. When I'm in that lonely state, I f…

As an anecdote, I am always drained by social interaction and always recharged by solitude. I can be home alone all week and still dread going out to a party if I’m not in the mood. I’m a very social person, but it is still draining. I have never felt so alone that I need social interaction, but I have frequently felt a strong need to be alone. But I’m also like the parent in that I’ve lead large teams, had greater i…

I am always drained by solitude and sometimes by social interaction. help

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#150

Post by squirtlebonflow »

strken wrote: post #145
akhayam wrote: post #9

Introvert and extrovert is the most widely misunderstood thing I have seen at work and in personal life. This article also doesn’t do justice to the nuance that introverts find interactions with other “draining” … but it’s not necessary that they suck at it. I feel this way: having led teams of hundreds of people, I know I can have deep, meaningful and long conversations… but I don’t find them a source of joy. I enco…

The supposed "draining" of introverts sounds like a cold reading technique or something you'd read in a horoscope. It applies to nearly everyone to some degree. Enjoy socialising but after a party you're glad to put your feet up and read a book? Get slight anxiety making small talk with strangers, to the point where you feel bad if you do it for more than six hours? Don't want to hang out with your boss at the mandat…

Reading a book after a party is not "perfectly normal".
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