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Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

vipshek.com

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Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#61

Post by m463 »

hightrix wrote: post #54
vipshek wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did briefly discuss this idea of interactions "draining energy" in the post here: https://www.vipshek.com/blog/interaction#balance-not-batteri... . I understand that the idea of draining vs. charging works for some people, but I always found this concept even more baffling. For me, when I've been in solitude for a while, I feel a restless desire to go out and interact with people. When I'm in that lonely state, I f…

As an anecdote, I am always drained by social interaction and always recharged by solitude. I can be home alone all week and still dread going out to a party if I’m not in the mood. I’m a very social person, but it is still draining. I have never felt so alone that I need social interaction, but I have frequently felt a strong need to be alone. But I’m also like the parent in that I’ve lead large teams, had greater i…

I think there are a spectrum of social interactions.

There are negative social interactions, and they frequently leave me drained, or seeking solitude.

There are busy interactions where lots of people require my time and attention even though I have other things to do - they can also leave me drained.

There are also positive interactions, with friends or maybe places where people are gathered with a common interest that leave me buoyant and full of energy and enthusiasm.

Even online interactions might count as interactions, and fill my day with various effects on my energy.

Pet interactions are generally pretty positive. I often wonder if some people use pets as proxies for human interaction (may be healthy or unhealthy)

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#62

Post by emptyfile »

pydry wrote: post #38
akhayam wrote: post #9

Introvert and extrovert is the most widely misunderstood thing I have seen at work and in personal life. This article also doesn’t do justice to the nuance that introverts find interactions with other “draining” … but it’s not necessary that they suck at it. I feel this way: having led teams of hundreds of people, I know I can have deep, meaningful and long conversations… but I don’t find them a source of joy. I enco…

>introverts find interactions with other “draining” I'm pretty sure this is bullshit. Level of drain = lack of trust in that person X overall level of anxiety If you're highly anxious and socializing with people you dont trust (strangers, acquaintances) then the experience will be stressful and draining. Ive met many self declared introverts who have no problem socializing for long periods in small groups with people…

[dead]

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#63

Post by vidarh »

sublinear wrote: post #5

I don't think the dichotomy is a bad rule of thumb to help understand someone, but it's certainly not their identity. I've come to find that it's down to the person's experience with and resulting preference for crowds and individuals. It's nurture, not nature. I used to be very introverted until I started living on my own as an adult and had shit to do and wanted things in life. I've also seen extroverts that mellow…

I have no problems in social settings. I can even enjoy them. But they exhaust me, and that is the introversion.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#64

Post by bregma »

rqtwteye wrote: post #26

I never understand why people (especially in the US) have a desire to split everything into two opposing sides. Liberal/conservative, introvert/extrovert and many others. I think it's pretty obvious that most (all?) people are on a spectrum of many dimensions and can't be categorized that easily. These labels can give useful hints but there is way more detail to look at.

It starts with "self" and "other" and goes analogically from there.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#65

Post by sublinear »

leonhard wrote: post #55
sublinear wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They both raised me, and they both stressed the importance of good social graces. No offense intended. Parents often tell, sometimes show, but rarely teach their kids much. Teaching isn't easy. My original point was that so much of this is also in the hands of the person, not your parents or society. Nurture isn't all external. I had a similar relationship with my parents. > But if there's a hell, my corner of it l…

Any advice on how to develop such skills in charm and charisma?

I'm not sure if this is sarcastic or not since my reply went a bit sideways. I just felt it would benefit others more to hear my perspective.

Anyway, the social game is to just filter noise and find the signal you want.

When you look at all the self help books on this, they're all very scholastic and merely teach techniques that sour once they're well known. A famous one is repeating someone's name back to them. I can't think of a smellier tactic than that.

The goal of any social interaction is up to you. You don't have to be best friends with everyone. That's just a bonus when it happens. I suspect this is where the emotional drain occurs for a lot of people. You can't make people like you, but they're more likely to do so if you can make them think twice about disliking you.

Determine what appeals to someone, adjust your style accordingly, funnel them towards what you really want to talk about, make a decision about how strong the signal is and whether to move on.

I hope you see how this is kinda like gambling. This is how it can be very easy for someone to talk to 50 people and still be super pumped up to keep going. The upshot is that energy really attracts people. This energy... that's the charisma. You express it your own way and that's it. Keeping it going shouldn't be hard for anyone unless they had a murky goal to start with.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#66

Post by bityard »

coffeebeqn wrote: post #51
jgilias wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, no. I guess if you don’t know then you don’t know. As an anecdotal personal example. I love my wife and kids dearly. I trust them, and feel no anxiety being around them. Yet it’s draining. Now they’re gone for a few days, and I feel very good being finally alone for a few days. Likewise I enjoy getting together with friends and family. I’ve also learned to be sociable. But it’s draining. After a day of having t…

You also adjust to a degree. With a family those longer moments can be as rare as a few times a year. I used to be alone for many hours or days almost daily when I was younger. But I’m doing fine. I really do enjoy the moments of solitude but I guess I don’t need them as much as I thought. With this “draining” metaphor you’d think every introvert parent is a mere husk

Well, some of us are. :/

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#67

Post by cole-k »

kstrauser wrote: post #50
sublinear wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They both raised me, and they both stressed the importance of good social graces. No offense intended. Parents often tell, sometimes show, but rarely teach their kids much. Teaching isn't easy. My original point was that so much of this is also in the hands of the person, not your parents or society. Nurture isn't all external. I had a similar relationship with my parents. > But if there's a hell, my corner of it l…

I trust your sincerity, but our experiences couldn't be more different. First, my parents taught me, TYVM. I'm competent, and confident, in social settings. I know what's expected of me and how to do it. It's still exhausting, though. Honestly, the rest of your comment sounds more like you were always an extrovert but with social anxiety, and you got over it. I've never had social anxiety. Again, I can do all the thi…

Could you describe what it feels like to have your emotional batteries empty?

I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I were in your shoes trying to woo customers. I think the negative feelings I would have afterwards would be forms of anxiety: perhaps I'm worried I didn't present myself well, I'm thinking about a blunder I made, I have to recover because there was one guy giving me a hard time and making it difficult for me to be "on", or maybe I did everything right but something else upset me (I don't like the customers, what I'm selling, the venue...).

From what I gather you would feel none of these things.

Edit: Another thought: would you relate being at this kind of event to performing a concert? I usually am nervous, but eventually my instincts kick in and I can play. Afterwards my first thought isn't "let's do another," it's more like "I want some ice cream and to sit down." And I admit I kind of feel this way with big social events like the one you describe - maybe I'm focusing too much of a more negative feeling when I think about what you mean by being drained.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#68

Post by thomastjeffery »

rqtwteye wrote: post #26

I never understand why people (especially in the US) have a desire to split everything into two opposing sides. Liberal/conservative, introvert/extrovert and many others. I think it's pretty obvious that most (all?) people are on a spectrum of many dimensions and can't be categorized that easily. These labels can give useful hints but there is way more detail to look at.

The problem isn't in creating or even using these labels: it's in trusting their completeness.

Categories are good for introduction, nothing more.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#69

Post by watwut »

karaterobot wrote: post #47
rqtwteye wrote: post #26

I never understand why people (especially in the US) have a desire to split everything into two opposing sides. Liberal/conservative, introvert/extrovert and many others. I think it's pretty obvious that most (all?) people are on a spectrum of many dimensions and can't be categorized that easily. These labels can give useful hints but there is way more detail to look at.

> I never understand why people (especially in the US) have a desire to split everything into two opposing sides For the record, I don't think this has anything to do with the U.S., false dichotomies are a more or less equally common human shorthand anywhere and anywhen that I've visited, or studied at all. I've assumed it's because people don't have time or energy to consider all the nuances of everything all the ti…

But, US culture is saturated by them and Americans really tend to create dichotomies much more then French or what have you.

There really seems to be some dteong cultural tendency to do this.

Re: Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

#70

Post by watwut »

hx8 wrote: post #30

The introvert/extrovert spectrum is an aspect of personality that seems to hold true across all cultures. Everywhere we've looked, there are some people that prefer to be by themselves more, and some people that prefer to be with other people more. The distribution of these people follow a standard bell curve. This is probably the single most well supported concept in the scientific literature on the topic of Persona…

But thatvis the thing - in that bell curve, majority of the people are in the middle. They are neither extroverts nor introverts, they are literally in between. They get tired from too much interaction and they are also refreshed by interactions.

Meanwhile, people talk about it as if there were two different species. But, very few are on the extremes.

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