Beyond introvert vs. extrovert

> Introverts, extroverts... ambiverts??

I consider myself an ambivert, swinging between introvert and extrovert all the time. The thing is: you are going to have to attend social events often against your will if you're introvert-leaning (weddings, funerals, christenings, bar mitzvahs, etc).

What I've learned over the years is the more you know how the world works, the less you want to be engaged in it (Big Pharma, Big Tech, Big Military, Big Anything). It's all so tiresome.

One of the things all mature adults need to learn ASAP is how to retain good friendships over time. It's a whole art-form. Anyone that can give me a 'belly laugh' and I can retain friendship over more than five years is worth keeping.

Because it's lazy, and most people don't care enough about any issue to have nuisanced thoughts about a topic. And If they ever did any conversation would break down to A or B. Plus its easier to sell to and manipulate money from both sides.

I try to have conversation about complex issues all the time and those conversations never advance past basic talking points that any person who spent time actually looking into any topic would not reduce down to a binary answer.

Half the people I talk with think I'm super liberal and the other half think Im super conservative and it stems usually from the first interaction Ive had with people where Ive tried to advance a topic to beyond repeating the same lame talking points, but it really never gets past first base.

> They both raised me, and they both stressed the importance of good social graces.

No offense intended. Parents often tell, sometimes show, but rarely teach their kids much. Teaching isn't easy.

My original point was that so much of this is also in the hands of the person, not your parents or society. Nurture isn't all external. I had a similar relationship with my parents.

> But if there's a hell, my corner of it looks like a cocktail party where I'm expected to mingle with everyone and never get a moment to myself.

That sounds to me like a lack of motivation, not introversion. I feel like you just don't see what's in it for you. If you were in sales, you would see that as an opportunity. Turning on charisma and charm is a skilled and conscious effort to delight people in subtle ways. Internally it's all about you, but externally it's all about them. Learning that dynamic requires experience. The only part that comes natural is the curiosity to develop a skill. Anyone can find joy in what essentially becomes a game when they understand it.

> The difference is that after my dad's social butterfly antics, he was happy and fully of energy

Yeah because he was satisfied with his performance. It's an interesting high. You should try it. It's worth pointing out I'm saying this as a software engineer from a small and not so well off family and only having a few friends growing up.

>introverts find interactions with other “draining”

I'm pretty sure this is bullshit.

Level of drain = lack of trust in that person X overall level of anxiety

If you're highly anxious and socializing with people you dont trust (strangers, acquaintances) then the experience will be stressful and draining.

Ive met many self declared introverts who have no problem socializing for long periods in small groups with people they trust absolutely.

Ditto self declared extroverts who are "socially performing" in a critical sitation where they will be judged can't help but find that experience draining.

People generally don't like to think deeply about things. I get it. It's uncomfortable and emotionally draining. It really requires attention and focus. So most people don't practice it and don't get good at it and simply don't like it. And they sometimes their approach might even be right. Since, you know... A lot of the things you think about or talk about don't _really_ matter.

So you might as well talk about more trivial but lighter things.

I know that I really love to deep dive into things and pick things apart. But my girlfriend hates it when I get like that, so I learned to understand her point as well.