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Never waste a midlife crisis

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#151

Post by ddq »

000ooo000 wrote: post #132
sharkweek wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’d say in my social circle most people hit a crisis of self around 30 years old, and most were out of the funk 2-3 years following. Most are doing well now as we hit 40, curios if is struck sooner for our generation.

This is similar to my experience (mid 30s now). I remember sitting at my desk at work, staring out of the window, thinking "wow..so this is it". Would've been about 28-29. I think a combination of things got me to that headspace: end of the education-career pipeline, having bought and settled into a house, and having no kids. I reached a point where I was no longer occupied with achieving "my" goals, and I was left t…

Roger Waters of Pink Floyd was 28-29 when “he realised he was no longer preparing for anything in life, but was right in the middle of it” and was inspired to write the song Time for Dark Side of the Moon (the reader is encouraged to listen to it now). Each individual responds to this realization in their own way.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#152

Post by heyoni »

WXLCKNO wrote: post #140
hirvi74 wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'd planned professionally at about 30 and then realized it wasn't what I wanted and had no idea what to do next. Oddly enough, I think this is what keeps me from being ambitious in a professional sense. I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. I swear, it's like the hedonistic treadmill is turned up a few notches too…

I "made it" (financially set for life) in the past two years after selling my company at 33. I was chasing something like it since I was maybe 15, tired of having grown up poor and wanting better for my family and myself. I'm still not happy but at least I know I'd rather have money and be sad than also being worried about money on top of that. I definitely need to get back some semblance of meaning in my life, but a…

I seriously think that we need to collectively stop worshipping individualism so hard. Go do something for others.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#153

Post by speakfreely »

WXLCKNO wrote: post #140
hirvi74 wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'd planned professionally at about 30 and then realized it wasn't what I wanted and had no idea what to do next. Oddly enough, I think this is what keeps me from being ambitious in a professional sense. I just feel like, based on everything I read, hear, and see, that we are all just donkeys chasing the metaphorical carrot tied to a stick. I swear, it's like the hedonistic treadmill is turned up a few notches too…

I "made it" (financially set for life) in the past two years after selling my company at 33. I was chasing something like it since I was maybe 15, tired of having grown up poor and wanting better for my family and myself. I'm still not happy but at least I know I'd rather have money and be sad than also being worried about money on top of that. I definitely need to get back some semblance of meaning in my life, but a…

The biggest problem I noticed in your post is the tense you're using to describe yourself. You're describing your story in the past tense. You now have the resources to write an even more successful/interesting/fulfilling chapter in whatever line of business is most interesting to you and potentially have another step function in wealth. Each step function in wealth gives you more potential for impact in a measurable way in other peoples' lives. I hope you decide that you're just getting started.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#154

Post by ip26 »

layman51 wrote: post #144
bsimpson wrote: post #44

This mentality is why I'm nomadding despite the constant threats of Return to Office. (I'm at Google.) I spent a dozen years in San Francisco. I know what serves me there and what doesn't. I know that I find day-to-day life there low-key depressing. I know my friends there have largely moved away and/or moved on to the next chapters of their lives. I know it's way too hard to find a suitable romantic partner there. K…

What would you say makes San Francisco particularly difficult to find a suitable romantic partner for you if you don’t mind answering? I am curious to hear what you think because I have also heard the same thing about SF and even about Austin, TX.

There are 12% more men than women there. This might not sound bad, but remember 37% of people in CA are already married…

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#155

Post by newaccount74 »

p1esk wrote: post #149
ctrlp wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Think about the life your typical therapist is leading What kind of life are they leading?

It's just an anecdote, but all therapists I've met are divorced. It's probably just a coincidence, but I thought it was interesting.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#156

Post by ddq »

dang wrote: post #137
xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

No doubt it takes different forms now than in the 14th century, but Dante began his Inferno with a mid-life crisis: Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a dark forest For the straightforward path had been lost.

Hell, the book of Ecclesiastes could be read as a midlife crisis. “Vanity of vanity, all is vanity.”

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#157

Post by p1esk »

scarface_74 wrote: post #143
quickthrower2 wrote: post #23

Midlife crisis needs to be split into the "responsible for kids" and "not" categories. The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things, although I suspect on average they don't since fear of things massively outweighs "can you actually do it" factors. Probably the paper boxes we build are smaller than the metal ones outside of them.

My wife and I at (46 and 48) went all out 2 years after our younger son graduated and two years after Covid. TLDR; we downsized from an our house in the burbs and our cars bought a vacation home/investment property in a resort in Florida where we live half the year and we nomad the other half flying across the US. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36306966

Do you still need to work?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#158

Post by soligern »

ctrlp wrote: post #125
sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

[flagged]

Getting help from mental health professionals is just a way for that individual to foist their opinions onto you. Psychology is a highly subjective field whose studies have startlingly low reproducibility. You’re much better off finding someone in your circle that’s willing to listen to you and shares your values (though not everyone might have this available to them).

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#159

Post by ctrlp »

newaccount74 wrote: post #155
p1esk wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Think about the life your typical therapist is leading What kind of life are they leading?

It's just an anecdote, but all therapists I've met are divorced. It's probably just a coincidence, but I thought it was interesting.

Not a coincidence. It's significantly more common in the profession[0]. They get divorced at a higher rate, and they recommend divorce to their clients. Therapists and psychiatrists are massively responsible for the divorce rates among boomers (the first widespread consumers of these services). Their children apparently learned nothing and are rushing headlong into the same therapy-culture that destroyed so many of their parents' marriages.

[0] https://doi.org/10.1007/s11896-009-9057-8

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#160

Post by heyoni »

totetsu wrote: post #105

Does anyone have any suggestions for good workbooks for planning ones way towards big long term things like the life change goals that come out of a midlife crisis?

Emacs, definitely. Org roam.

Someone else in this thread mentioned a Scanner day book?

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