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A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

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Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#121

Post by johnchristopher »

yibg wrote: post #96
eastbound wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I irritate women, it may or may not be under my control, for example if it’s due to my race then it’s not, if it’s due to societal clichés then it’s not; and for what is under my control, I have seen for about $10k of psychologists and I was never told the defect I have, probably because that would discourage me, instead they say there’s always a chance, never try never know, ask them out and blah blah blah. I’d love…

I don’t understand your position here. You start out saying some people are blocked from success and imply your lack of success with women is an example. Then you say you don’t know if your lack of success is something you can control because no one has told you exactly what the issue is. Is your definition of being blocked anything that doesn’t just happen by itself?

Seems pretty clear to me: whatever one is trying to achieve they can be blocked (lack of money, talents, wrong country, etc.) and unless the block can be identified you can never know if it's a block that can be managed/overcome or not. Since OP doesn't really know what's wrong they tried asking for external feedback but that feedback was not actionable and it also didn't help identify what kind of block it was.

> Is your definition of being blocked anything that doesn’t just happen by itself?

sigh... really ?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#122

Post by TeMPOraL »

Gud wrote: post #118
TeMPOraL wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also the cornerstone of recommending diet and exercise as health advice.

I mean, to me it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body. Why wouldn’t diet and exercise be the cornerstones of having a healthy life?

> it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body

It's obvious in general - e.g. clearly poisonous things are clearly poisonous. Less so in specifics, as the body is good at extracting what it needs from ingested food, and discarding the rest; it works out as long as you provide the full range of the things the body needs. However, that wasn't my point.

My point is, recommending change in diet and exercise regime as a solution to problems is about as effective as telling one the solution to money problems is to study nuclear physics and then join a bank as a quant. Yes, technically it works, but people who could do this are already doing this; for everyone else, it's a near-impossible task, given the constraints of their current adult life. Getting on what's currently considered healthy diet and good exercise regime, means trying to endure self-inflicted psychological torture and having non-productive but tiring activities cut into the amount of time you have in a day/week - for indefinite time period, but at least couple months, and uncertain gains. Not many adults can pull that off. Which is why they don't, which is why "diet and exercise" is what I call "fuck-off advice". For most who try, it's bound to fail, mostly for structural reasons, and will bring plenty of pain and guilt in the process.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#123

Post by TeMPOraL »

PaulRobinson wrote: post #98
TeMPOraL wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Okay, but what, if not promise of future returns, is making you stick to a system that's emotionally costly? For example, "walking more" or "cycling more" is definitely going to help lose weight in a gradual fashion, but the reason I am walking the amount I am and not cycling at all, is because a) I find these activities boring, and b) I have many more interesting/important (to me) things to do with that time. I can'…

What would it take for you to find walking interesting? I didn't used to love walking, until I found a reason to. In urban areas I looked up and started noticing things. I researched buildings, and local geography. In rural areas, I started figuring out bird calls and breeds, started understanding the trees and flora around me. I decided to use that time to get curious. And now, I love walking. If you think "sure, I…

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I've thought about what you wrote, and came to a realization that the answer to the question:

> What would it take for you to find walking interesting?

Is... no longer feeling like everything is slipping away or collapsing around me; no longer being stuck treading water. It's more of a therapy problem than HN-on-exercising problem.

I never particularly cared for nature, and still don't - except at the biomolecular level, where life fuels my dream/curiosity of functional nanotech. But this is separate to enjoying a walk down the park, or a hike with friends, which I realize I don't mostly because of the internal stress about not doing something better with that time. The few moments I take the plunge or get forced into a situation where I can't do anything but enjoy the time outside, after initial anguish they become relaxing. But I can't make myself engage in such things on my own, not without having some convincing excuse for this helping to get me out of my various predicaments.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#124

Post by fantasticshower »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #123
PaulRobinson wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What would it take for you to find walking interesting? I didn't used to love walking, until I found a reason to. In urban areas I looked up and started noticing things. I researched buildings, and local geography. In rural areas, I started figuring out bird calls and breeds, started understanding the trees and flora around me. I decided to use that time to get curious. And now, I love walking. If you think "sure, I…

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I've thought about what you wrote, and came to a realization that the answer to the question: > What would it take for you to find walking interesting? Is... no longer feeling like everything is slipping away or collapsing around me; no longer being stuck treading water. It's more of a therapy problem than HN-on-exercising problem. I never particularly cared for nature, and still…

When you go on a walk, your mind comes with you. Take that time to think about anything you want! Or listen to other people talk about functional nanotech or whatever else interests you, i.e. podcasts. Reframe going on a walk as the time where you get to listen to podcasts or a time where you're allowed to do nothing with you mind and see where it goes.

I realized this is just advice for myself, so that I'll walk more!

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#125

Post by Gud »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #122
Gud wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean, to me it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body. Why wouldn’t diet and exercise be the cornerstones of having a healthy life?

> it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body It's obvious in general - e.g. clearly poisonous things are clearly poisonous. Less so in specifics, as the body is good at extracting what it needs from ingested food, and discarding the rest; it works out as long as you provide the full range of the things the body needs. However, that wasn't my point.…

That someone can’t change their lifestyle for the better(“near-impossible “) is just wrong. You are describing some fantasy scenario where you have to endure months of pain before you notice any results. It’s just not true. I believe most people who don’t train their body and eat well have had wrong training from childhood, including me. My diet still sucks but is getting better each month by a conscious unlearning of poor habits inherited from my parents.

An untrained individual(not morbidly obese) who incorporates the following 3 minute workout in their morning routine will feel the changes already on day 2:

Hold a plank, for as long as you can manage

30 second break

Push ups, as many as you can do

30 second break

Again do push ups, as many as you can do

The extremely short body weight workout I described will still create a noticeable improvement and can be improved upon on when the individual feels ready. What I described will be a good first step and is hardly akin to studying nuclear physics. You don’t have to be an Olympic level athlete to reap the rewards of daily exercise.

In general, an improvement in diet and physical activity, even small changes, has an almost immediate positive effect. Clarity of mind, improved self confidence, better sleep…

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#126

Post by yboris »

theaussiestew wrote: post #113
fasterik wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems like an overly cynical take. Malaria nets have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. You can be critical of some areas of EA, but it's hard to deny that organizations like Against Malaria Foundation and GiveWell are doing a lot of good in the world. What's wrong with donating with the goal of maximizing lives saved per dollar?

Saving lives is a good thing but I just have a gut feeling against this traditional image of “doing good” due to my experience with working with many charities and seeing first hand how useless the majority of them are. It’s not about quantifying their impact, it’s understanding the whole mentality is completely wrong, so movements like GiveWell don’t really change much. Philanthropy is about helping others, when the…

I don't think you understand the EA movement at all or it history. The foundation of it is Giving What We Can - https://www.givingwhatwecan.org/ - regular people (not rich) giving at least 10% of their income to cost-effective charities. I've been giving for over 10 years now - and I started as a math teacher.

You say "why won't people help in San Francisco". This betrays a severe misunderstanding of effectiveness. How many thousands of dollars would a single individual need to give to a charity working in SF to help one person as much as they can with a $2 donation to AMF (Against Malaria Foundation - providing protection from malaria for 3 years). People are people, regardless of where they were born, and helping more people is better than helping fewer.

"Most people will see [this activity] as very out of touch". So what? Most people saw gay rights as out of touch, most people still see animal welfare / animal rights activities as "out of touch".

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#127

Post by silveroriole »

akkad33 wrote: post #17

Is there a guide for knowing what you want?

Late reply but figured I would share what worked for me. Once a week, spend 15-20 minutes writing down what an ideal day would look like for you in as much detail as possible. Visualise it and feel it. Don’t worry about anything like realism, consistency, selfishness, what other people would think, how you could possibly achieve it, etc. “Ideal day” doesn’t have to mean a crazy one-off like “I wake up and skydive into a safari park and then eat three chocolate sundaes”, it can be as simple as “I wake up feeling refreshed, I look around my room and enjoy my plant collection, I eat eggs and bacon for breakfast…”. Include some feelings in there - does your ideal day involve feeling relaxed and calm, or energetic and exhilarated, or loved and surrounded by family…? Let your ideal day evolve as time goes on. Do that for a few months and you’ll start to notice the patterns of what you want.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#128

Post by spatalo »

barbarr wrote: post #56
inconceivable wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i also sold my startup to a good outcome and ran the business very profitably for years and i agree that there are some things that can not be taught - but that doesn't mean they can't be learned if you have the right mental models. at one point i was terrible at dating / women but over the years i've gotten a lot better than where i started. and yes, there are some people who are just hopeless because they refuse to…

Just my N=1 here, but I've actually run the self-improvement gamut and got results out of it - had a year where I went from never having held hands with a girl to sleeping around quite a bit. I think the self-improvement type of vibe tends to attract girls who are more into short term things, which leads to burnout. By this I mean, if you are a guy who looks very good/masculine, are good at flirting, etc but just are…

Thanks for sharing your experience.

I am now in a similar situation you were before: I've never had a relationship, the last phone number of a girl I got was 2 years ago and it was a coworker, etc.

The original article suggests to learn how other people have already gotten the thing you want. So can you share the plan you followed that made you start attracting girls? Or can you share some resources you used to achieve that goal?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#129

Post by fasterik »

theaussiestew wrote: post #113
fasterik wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems like an overly cynical take. Malaria nets have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. You can be critical of some areas of EA, but it's hard to deny that organizations like Against Malaria Foundation and GiveWell are doing a lot of good in the world. What's wrong with donating with the goal of maximizing lives saved per dollar?

Saving lives is a good thing but I just have a gut feeling against this traditional image of “doing good” due to my experience with working with many charities and seeing first hand how useless the majority of them are. It’s not about quantifying their impact, it’s understanding the whole mentality is completely wrong, so movements like GiveWell don’t really change much. Philanthropy is about helping others, when the…

What you're saying is exactly what motivated Effective Altruism: most charities are ineffective, and philanthropy should be about saving/improving people's lives, not feel-good causes; we should try to do the most good with our time and money.

The following video by Peter Singer is a good intro to Effective Altruism and the philosophy behind it. His essay "Famine, Affluence, and Morality" was one of the primary influences on the founders of the movement.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Diuv3XZQXyc

It's true that more recently many people in the movement have shifted their focus from global health and development to areas like AI risk and biosecurity. Whether or not you agree with working on these areas, I don't think the people working on them are doing it cynically. I think they are motivated to work on these areas because they believe it will do the most good for humanity.

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