Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

raptitude.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 146 posts

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#81

Post by akkad33 »

yboris wrote: post #33
akkad33 wrote: post #17

Is there a guide for knowing what you want?

I recommend you look at Effective Altruism . Can there be anything more-fulfilling or less regret-on-your-deathbed than helping others (while knowing you're doing it in the most effective way you can)? There are hobbies for sure, but when you spend 80,000 Hours in a career which you feel helps no one but you with your income, you might find mid-life there are more-important things. https://www.effectivealtruism.org/…

If you feel unfulfilled in yourself how can helping others help you overcome that? Say you feel bitter about the way you've been treated all your life (shunned, bullied, isolated), will that rancour disappear one day because you helped a few people?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#82

Post by xyzelement »

barbarr wrote: post #56
inconceivable wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i also sold my startup to a good outcome and ran the business very profitably for years and i agree that there are some things that can not be taught - but that doesn't mean they can't be learned if you have the right mental models. at one point i was terrible at dating / women but over the years i've gotten a lot better than where i started. and yes, there are some people who are just hopeless because they refuse to…

Just my N=1 here, but I've actually run the self-improvement gamut and got results out of it - had a year where I went from never having held hands with a girl to sleeping around quite a bit. I think the self-improvement type of vibe tends to attract girls who are more into short term things, which leads to burnout. By this I mean, if you are a guy who looks very good/masculine, are good at flirting, etc but just are…

You sound a little nuts but I appreciate the candor! One thing you are completely missing here (and to be fair, may not be for you) is the actual benefits of a relationship - as opposed to quantifying the ego-boost of a hookup or whatever.

Like, I enjoyed my slutty single says but I LOVE father's day with my two kids and wife even more :) I don't measure the "value add" that my wife brought me in units of her desire for me or something weird like that - I look at the life I am enjoying and could not have without her.

As I said this may not be for you but a mention of this was completely absent altogether and that was odd for me.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#83

Post by TeMPOraL »

allenu wrote: post #58
eastbound wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…

It's funny because the idea of "if you didn't succeed, you didn't try hard enough" is a cornerstone of the self-help industry and the charlatans peddling various self-improvement systems. If anybody follows their system and doesn't succeed, well, they either didn't try hard enough or they really didn't follow the plan as it was laid out. It's a foolproof way to show the next sucker that your system works.

Also the cornerstone of recommending diet and exercise as health advice.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#84

Post by TeMPOraL »

Paul-Craft wrote: post #72
xyzelement wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You've missed my point with both parts of your post, alas. I am not talking about guaranteed success, but about people who don't try the avenues that are available to them. Like if you are a deer and your family is getting killed by cars, have you tried not standing in the damn road? I know so many people who have an obvious next action available that would leave them no worse and likely better, but they don't try it…

> I know so many people who have an obvious next action available that would leave them no worse and likely better, but they don't try it. Obvious to you, perhaps. But, who says it's obvious to them?

That's GP's point, I suppose - that people may have plenty of good moves available, but they've also built up near-instinctive defenses and repulsion fields around them - so even if they accidentally think or read about one of such options, they'll reject it as fast as it registers to them. It might be that the only way through those defenses is for someone else, or some situation, to force one to consider the option for a few more seconds or minutes.

I know I have this problem myself - some steps seem unavailable until some third party just plain tells me, "yes, you are actually allowed to do this, and you already know nothing bad will happen".

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#85

Post by donkey_oaty »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #83
allenu wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's funny because the idea of "if you didn't succeed, you didn't try hard enough" is a cornerstone of the self-help industry and the charlatans peddling various self-improvement systems. If anybody follows their system and doesn't succeed, well, they either didn't try hard enough or they really didn't follow the plan as it was laid out. It's a foolproof way to show the next sucker that your system works.

Also the cornerstone of recommending diet and exercise as health advice.

Are diet and exercise not good health advice?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#86

Post by TeMPOraL »

InCityDreams wrote: post #54
PaulRobinson wrote: post #5

Another way to getting what you want of course, is to think about what you really want and change that to something you can achieve almost immediately. The article alludes to this: > Do you want to be self-employed? Or do you just need some time off from your normally-tolerable day job? Do you truly want washboard abs, or just to see an energetic, healthy person in the mirror for once? And: > There can also be things…

>My take is don't choose goals - don't try and decide on the destination of what you want. Instead, choose processes, choose a way of living that makes you happy, and make small changes right now. Completely agree, though my 'word' differs - I use 'system'. I didn't set out to lose 6kg of myself - I decide to walk more and I bought a bicycle, and I use it. The weight fell off me because of the system...choose a syste…

Okay, but what, if not promise of future returns, is making you stick to a system that's emotionally costly?

For example, "walking more" or "cycling more" is definitely going to help lose weight in a gradual fashion, but the reason I am walking the amount I am and not cycling at all, is because a) I find these activities boring, and b) I have many more interesting/important (to me) things to do with that time. I can't see myself engaging in an activity I dislike - cycling (or most outdoor activities) - unless I do it for a reason that's interesting/important enough to displace something else I'm already doing. Losing weight is such a reason, but that reason is also a goal.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#87

Post by TeMPOraL »

rubicon33 wrote: post #45

I wonder how do you avoid a situation in mid-life where you've achieved accomplished, etc, and now really lack a strong desire for anything? How do you find your motivation?

I don't know, but as I approach my mid-life, I'd happily trade your experience for my experience, which is that I've achieved shit all, and my time is running short.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#88

Post by xyzelement »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #84
Paul-Craft wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I know so many people who have an obvious next action available that would leave them no worse and likely better, but they don't try it. Obvious to you, perhaps. But, who says it's obvious to them?

That's GP's point, I suppose - that people may have plenty of good moves available, but they've also built up near-instinctive defenses and repulsion fields around them - so even if they accidentally think or read about one of such options, they'll reject it as fast as it registers to them. It might be that the only way through those defenses is for someone else, or some situation, to force one to consider the option…

I am the GP you are referring to and - thank you for explaining my point perhaps better than I did :)

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#89

Post by TurkishPoptart »

EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK wrote: post #78
eastbound wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…

CA is not a place to get laid. Go East, young man, go East and grow a pair.

What, like Boston? Way overpriced, no parking, shit weather....

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#90

Post by TeMPOraL »

donkey_oaty wrote: post #85
TeMPOraL wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also the cornerstone of recommending diet and exercise as health advice.

Are diet and exercise not good health advice?

Are most advice in self-help books not good productivity/happiness advice?

The problem with both is that people who can follow them for effect already are following them. So in practice, diet and exercise is what I call "fuck off advice": the person you give it to, should they believe it, will try and try and not see much effect, and eventually fail - but the process will take 3-6 months or more, during which they won't bother you with their problems, and at the end of it, they'll blame themselves for not being good enough, and perhaps even see you as a good person who tried to help.

Post reply on HN