If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Can you expand on this more?
A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
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Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#32If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Y'all heard of polyamory? There are better models out there than staying only with one person and denying yourself the beauty of an expanded heart.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#33Is there a guide for knowing what you want?
I recommend you look at Effective Altruism. Can there be anything more-fulfilling or less regret-on-your-deathbed than helping others (while knowing you're doing it in the most effective way you can)?
There are hobbies for sure, but when you spend 80,000 Hours in a career which you feel helps no one but you with your income, you might find mid-life there are more-important things.
https://www.effectivealtruism.org/ & https://80000hours.org/
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#34> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
This story kind of misses the point, and there's a whole lot that goes into "try" and "try harder".
Not everyone can do anything, but I think any individual person can do a lot. But are they trying and are they thinking about how they're trying?
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
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Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#36[deleted]
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#37If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Y'all heard of polyamory ? There are better models out there than staying only with one person and denying yourself the beauty of an expanded heart.
Have you found any successful configurations that last beyond 5 years? I know multiple families destroyed by such endeavors. I would caution against the division of affection. At some point a hierarchy is established whether by intent or by necessity.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#38> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
> Of course I’m definitely not saying that because I’m single and have no talent in women
That you are able to make an honest self-assessment really bodes well for you. While a lot of the pick up artist stuff is skeezy, anyone who has spent time in bar and nightclub culture has seen the general principles in action. The human mating market is a real thing, and both men and women have various patterns of behavior that can be observed and learned. That knowledge can be used to be a misogynistic cad, but it can also be used to form and strengthen true loving relationships.
There are a lot of hucksters and scammers in the space unfortunately, so you have to prudently sift through the crap to get the useful information which is unfortunate when you're not entirely sure what the useful information is. One very reputable place to start though is with Robert Cialdini's books. He focuses more on persuasion in general, but he's legitimate and correct. It's really important to understand concepts like frame, assuming the sale, revealed preference, and especially social proof.
> I irritate women. I can see it in their eyes, and there is no way around that
Again, the fact that you're observant and honest enough to recognize this means that I am nearly certain you can mitigate or remedy whatever defect or defects that you have. The simplest although depending on your disposition perhaps not the easiest approach is to watch what men who are successful with women do and don't do, and then try to figure out possible things you're doing or not doing that are repulsing women. At that point it's just a matter of A/B testing with a large number of women, which can easily be done in any large city with a night life. It can be rough at first, but after a few times you realize the sun still shines and brightly and the ocean is just as lovely no matter how many girls reject you and rejection loses its sting.
And of course since you're a man of means hiring a coach could be a very good idea, assuming you can find one who is trustworthy and ruthlessly honest.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#39> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right. It goes like this: - Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.” - Son deer: “Isn’t that how grand…
It took me several frustrating years to figure it out, but eventually getting visibly fit and well groomed gave me enough leeway to bisect the bugs in my interpersonal communication protocols and algorithms.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#40Is there a guide for knowing what you want?
The Effective Altruism movement is very good at convincing people they want what Effective Altruists want. Figuring out what you want is really hard. I quit my job and blew my life up since other people do this to soul-search and it was my best idea.