91–100 of 446 posts
I read a book awhile ago called Shall the Religious Inherit the Earth? , which basically argues that cultures which strongly promote traditional values, having children, etc. will evolutionarily outcompete groups that don’t. It made me think that there must be a kind of cycle in human societies, where certain social values (like the ones mentioned in the article) are able to become popular for a short period of time…
What I find interesting and I am curious if these conversations can happen anymore. I no longer discuss anything related to gender, relationships, or personal life dynamics with anyone outside of my bubble. I would enjoy the conversation, learning about another's ideas and understanding although despite assurances of maturity and openness conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements. I do not believe id…
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> Given how difficult it seems for any genuinely universal cultural movement to take off in the dating space ????? Dating culture is substantially different than a decade ago.
I meant to take off deliberately with the aim of correcting the problem mentioned in the article. Western society seems too self-absorbed to me to ever move past selfish motives at this point. In other words, some kind of cultural movement that tells people to put their preferences aside “for the good of society” seems like it won’t work anytime soon.
Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…
Cause that sounds more like some kind of old Hollywood romcom cliche than something a lot of women really want to have thrown at them to 'win them' in the past decade. But hey, I haven't tried it!
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> I know way, way too many people who did that and are now divorced. And a lot of the women in those relationships had children very early and didn't have a chance to get an education or start a career so now that they're divorced and on their own they're having a very hard time securing good income. My parents talked about how when they were married 'they were just kids' even though they married in their mid 20s. I…
I think a big part of it is a huge portion of millennials are the children of divorced families. I have zero desire or itch to be married. If a partner of mine really wanted to be married I'd be fine with it. I also have no desire to have children. The other poster mentioned that eventually I'll get married or "life will pass me by". At least that's how I'm reading it. I don't need a partner or to be married to enjoy…
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> they're all waiting until they're past their 20s to find a partner and they expect them all to be complete people by the time they meet them. I'm in my 30s and never married. I fully expect someone to come as a full person with an education and career. I am beyond glad that I didn't get married to my high school sweet heart or someone I dated in my early 20s when I was still a kid. I am nothing like I was when I wa…
No one is. It doesn't make you unique or more true to yourself by waiting later in life. You'll get married and _still change._ My point is that people are deluding themselves into this idea that you need to be a finished person before finding a partner. You will grow together and effect one another. And if you're a committed partner, you'll build each other up. If you think hard times are a limit for you personally…
Edited to add: In my experience, if you don't date someone who "can adult", you will have to parent your partner, which doesn't go all that well if you're not kinky like that.
it seems like society has engineered itself into a real pickle as evidenced by all the hand-wringing articles on this topic. personally i find serious relationships to be a giant waste of time, probably because i'm no good at maintaining them or i just don't check all the boxes, or whatever. i like dating and commitment-free sex, so i really don't have much incentive to improve. i'm basically financially independent…
I'm skeptical about future generations though. If you frame "not having kids/serious relationships" as "bad", then I think things will continue to get "worse". :p There's nothing for future people to figure out; the incentives that were once in play will continue to erode. It's like expecting war deaths to decrease as weapons continue to grow in power.
UNLESS you're talking about the state growing people in pods. And generally going transhuman/posthuman (and post-"relationship" and post-"two people fucking"). I think that's the ultimate future, and it's way better than the setup we've had traditionally in all but romance and current Overton window.
This is a known issue but the down stream effect won’t be felt for a while. Let’s be clear we’re talking about general behavioral trend, not trying to police an individual, which is the crux of contention for these topics. Many women still hold on to the idea of finding a partner that is wealthier and more educated. This is due to the past (over)reliance of their partners for stability. But this is no longer true. Th…
I think it’ll sort itself out fairly quickly. Women who refuse to “date down” will find themselves getting older and lonelier. They’ll open themselves up to more potential partners because long term loneliness is much worse than status anxiety (and people tend to lose their status anxiety as they get older).
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I don't believe women past their 20s are "too late in life" to be seeking a partner. I for one would not want to have a long-term partner with someone below their 20's. They're too young, cannot even go for a casual heart-to-heart over beers/wine, and have no understanding of budgeting, tax analysis, healthcare planning, or any other number of basic adult administration. I'll have to parent them though this, which is…
If she wants kids and she is ~35 then one bad shot means missing out on kids.