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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#81

Post by biohax2015 »

thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

I've been to a few weddings now where the couple met on an app. Keep your chin up, king.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#82

Post by swozey »

Multicomp wrote: post #54
swozey wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> they're all waiting until they're past their 20s to find a partner and they expect them all to be complete people by the time they meet them. I'm in my 30s and never married. I fully expect someone to come as a full person with an education and career. I am beyond glad that I didn't get married to my high school sweet heart or someone I dated in my early 20s when I was still a kid. I am nothing like I was when I wa…

> I know way, way too many people who did that and are now divorced. And a lot of the women in those relationships had children very early and didn't have a chance to get an education or start a career so now that they're divorced and on their own they're having a very hard time securing good income. My parents talked about how when they were married 'they were just kids' even though they married in their mid 20s. I…

I think a big part of it is a huge portion of millennials are the children of divorced families. I have zero desire or itch to be married. If a partner of mine really wanted to be married I'd be fine with it. I also have no desire to have children.

The other poster mentioned that eventually I'll get married or "life will pass me by". At least that's how I'm reading it. I don't need a partner or to be married to enjoy life. I don't feel that I'm missing anything. I can do whatever I want.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#84

Post by grepLeigh »

thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

Just came here to say don't give up, like you pointed out the current wave of dating apps aren't optimized for long-term relationships. VC-backed apps have to optimize for retention and revenue per user.

I remember the previous era of dating sites (eHarmony) proudly published stats about committed relations + marriage.

Anyway, have you gotten friends invested in your search? The first thing I would do is ask friends, their partners, and their partners' friends, and their partners' friends meddling aunties to set up a few blind dates. Mention that you're trying to meet "the one."

Good luck out there, hope your story is different one year from now!

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#86

Post by ctvo »

drooby wrote: post #80
rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

Ding ding ding…. It’s not about education… or income, it’s about STATUS.

Maybe?

I know a lot of highly educated, successful women who wouldn't date Kevin Durant, for example. The idea of a rich man child trolling on burner accounts regardless of their high profile doesn't exactly drive them crazy. Replace Kevin Durant with Elon Musk if you're not a sports fan.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#87

Post by sho_hn »

Kazrath wrote: post #71
sho_hn wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All these things have their own kind of logic to them. It's possible to learn/train people/empathy. There's a lot of people who can't get themselves to believe that it's worth investing, in though. But people skills do come in handy, also when solving non-romantic problems at scale.

It has little to do with lack of empathy. I've found the problem is far more to do with oversharing conclusions based on observations. Empathy is typically in hindsight. You expect the other person to be intelligent, observant, reasonable, and logical. What you did say is not something that would have offended yourself or other like-minded individuals. So when it does offend, the empathy kicks in and you realize your…

Empathy as a skill is relevant in adapting the way you assert the same logical points toward a person, e.g. by taking their state of mind into account when it comes to phrasing, pacing, how much context to include. On the fly, with course-corrections.

If you want an engineering analogy, it's a bit like adding a suspension system to a wheel to improve traction.

It's very practical!

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#88

Post by somebody78978 »

anonymouskimmer wrote: post #55
politician wrote: post #25

Towards the end, the article posits that the reason men fail to attain higher levels of education is video games. I would be curious to see how the effect of video games stacks up against the effect of the significant support industry established for helping girls succeed in STEM while comparable support for boys is nonexistent.

Stuff like this is actually researched. It would be better to first look at the research before comparing anecdotal hypotheses. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/11/08/whats-beh... > Men are more likely than women to point to factors that have more to do with personal choice. Roughly a third (34%) of men without a bachelor’s degree say a major reason they didn’t complete college is that they just didn’t wa…

Well, maybe the reason why those men didn't want to complete college is because they don't have the same support that women do (or at least, that's what they percieve).

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#89

Post by scarmig »

sho_hn wrote: post #73
rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

This doesn't match my experience at all. In my experience, in most adult heterosexual long-term relationships it's usually the female partner who is insisting on long-term planning, financial planning, avoiding frivolous purchases, etc. and are happy if men don't start conflicts over this. Your exaggerated example basically screams "husband material".

Like most traits, I think men have a higher variance in focus on long-term planning than women do. Men are disproportionately both people who don't plan for the next paycheck and FIRE-enthusiasts.

If you look at FIRE-oriented online groups, men significantly outnumber women. I think that's what the parent is referring to. And there are fewer women (relative to men) who are willing to take a significant drop in consumption in order to e.g. max a mega Roth backdoor.

So a man who saves 20% of his take home income is husband material. A man who saves 80% of his take home income is a weirdo man child who needs to grow up and act like a "normal" person.

Every female partner I've had (except my current one) has pushed me to scale up our consumption and save less.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#90

Post by inconceivable »

thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

part of the 'narrative' sold by society is that people fall in love while going through their casual dating 'phase'. nobody under the age of 30 (maybe 35) is going to be looking for a 'serious relationship'. if you explicitly state this in your profile or even on the first handful of dates nobody is going to respond well.
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