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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#361

Post by MavisBacon »

ptero wrote: post #347
mcv wrote: post #336

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a lot of dangerous cities in the world. Lots of countries have weak governments unable to keep the peace, with social life disrupted by crime, strife, unrest, distrust. But there are also lots of countries that are much, much safer than the US.

US certainly has its share of horrible cities. That said, US is a collection of regions with very different social setups and it is easy to move between them. It is common, as preferences change, for youngsters to live for a few years in one state, settle to raise children in another, then move as empty-nesters to third. If safety is what one is after, one can find a place that is super safe, comparable on safety to…

Definitely this. I grew up outside Baltimore and went on to live in Boulder CO, Orange County CA, moved back home and then to LA on a whim. Finished school in Nashville, TN and my wife and I are about to get out and move to Maine. Zero red tape whatsoever- the flexibility and ease of traversing and moving around the USA is definitely awesome and rarely discussed in terms of the benefits of living here. There’s something for pretty much everyone and the culture varies greatly from region to region, city to city.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#362

Post by randomdata »

zamnos wrote: post #37
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

This is a bit of an unconventional POV, but I don't consider large areas of suburban sprawl to be cities but just really big towns. This covers Houston, swaths of Atlanta, lots of Southern California. There are lots of people living there compared to rural areas, to be sure, but without the density to support usable public transportation (once-an-hour buses don't count), it's really not a city at all. It's endless su…

> but without the density to support usable public transportation (once-an-hour buses don't count), it's really not a city

Transportation is for rural areas. If there is support for transporting people around beyond the capacity of their legs, I'm not sure that is really a city either. The hallmark of a city is the density for having everything you need to live out life right there, never, ever, needing to step into some kind of vehicle. Density but scattering life around over tens of miles or more, requiring travel to live out life, is just rural with nearby neighbours.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#364

Post by shortrounddev »

mab122 wrote: post #290
midoridensha wrote: post #227

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is exactly it. People are very busy with work, and work too much, and then there's so much choice socially, so they end up making plans for their free time several weeks in advance.

Just wanted to throw this in: https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/annual-working-hours-per-... because recently I was talking to some friends and they were very much under the stereotype that in Japan you work some horrendous amount of hours - that is not true. IIRC data is both self reported and from companies.

The real reason is the same in Japan as it is in Europe and America: even controlling for hours worked, low wages, high cost of living, and other economic costs associated with having a child, women are choosing not the have children because it would require them to end their careers in their prime. It is extremely difficult to have a child and a career at the same time as a woman, and many never return to the workforce. Even women who make good money and can afford to have children decide not to because it would require them to stop working

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#365

Post by TRiG_Ireland »

jodrellblank wrote: post #279
bombcar wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

100k is certainly a city. That’s quite large - and for many places in the US the local “city” is of that size. People definitely call Ventura, CA “the city” and its 100k.

> 100k is certainly a city. In the UK “city” status is conferred by being on the government’s list of cities and isn’t automatic based on size or presence of a Cathedral or anything else. See: Tom Scott on YouTube “the town which forgot to be a city” - https://youtube.com/watch?v=kBaLb1C4WAg

One thing I learned from the comments of that video (Lennart Regebro):

> In Sweden, the concept of "city" was removed in 1971. Everything became just municipalities.

> This annoyed Stockholm, so in 1983, Stockholm municipality simply renamed itself "Stockholm Stad" (Stockholm City). That pissed Malmö and Göteborg off, and they also promptly renamed themselves to be cities. Today 14 municipalities n Sweden claim to be cities.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#366

Post by i80and »

OJFord wrote: post #284
nicbou wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most of Europe has a café culture. It is sorely missing from North America. You just sit outside and watch the world go by. Berlin in particular has lots of parks, and people can go there with drinks, grills, frisbees etc. The sheer number of them means that most people are within walking distance from one. It’s great to meet without spending money. Again, those are almost absent in most of North America. You have to…

Illegal to 'loiter' in a park ? What does legal use of it look like? Moving through at a swift pace with eyes straight ahead and a stamped permit that it's the most efficient path to your destination?

My personal* experience is that in areas of the US where real estate is highly valued, there's a low level resentment of anybody existing without having an intent to spend money. Parks are tolerated, but the expectation is that they're purely cosmetic, to be walked through at the very most.

* My experience is not universal and is just that: my personal experience.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#367

Post by shortrounddev »

ehnto wrote: post #148
mozman wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Parking is never a problem in rural or less dense areas. Downtown and trendy areas tend to be a parking nightmare but you can solve this with money. Valet parking, paid garages, or Uber are all quite convenient but pricey.

You rather not need to park at all, because you walked there. It is hard to imagine if you are used to the car megalopolis but living near everything you need should be the goal of good mixed use cities. Rural towns are a mix because they can't reasonanly support everything a modern life needs, so you still use a car to go between towns or longer distances, and parking is easy so you do small trips too. But your esse…

I've found that suburbs are a lot more sociable and friendly than cities. Its impossible to make friends in a new city, and it seems like none of your neighbors are interested either. You have to be the one to go out of your way to meet new people

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#368

Post by irrational »

kennyloginz wrote: post #215
irrational wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is probably a generational thing. I’m GenX. Growing up I never heard anyone talk about being depressed, having anxiety, etc. If someone today started trying to talk to me about mental health issues, I’d probably just have a deer in the headlights look since I have no clue how to respond to that sort of topic.

Definitely not a generational thing. GenX was defined by expressing depression. Nirvana, nine inch nails, the cure.

I attended a high school with 4,000 students and had lots of friends and even more acquaintances. I never heard anyone discuss anything mental health related. Ditto at college and graduate school. Ditto in the workplace until within the last decade or so.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#369

Post by kuhzaam »

brianjking wrote: post #39

First I'd have to understand how to make some friends as a 37 year old man who works entirely remotely. I'm trying on Bumble BFF mode, but not having tons of luck.

As a 36 year old that recently moved yet again to a new city (the third time in my adult life), I've had decent luck joining recreational sports leagues. Lots of leagues will have options to sign up as a "free agent", which usually means you'll get placed on a team with other free agents, which tend to be others in the same boat of trying to meet new people. If you aren't necessarily the athletic type, bowling and kickball are pretty good options. I've found that most of these leagues (especially if you sign up for the novice/recreational level) are NOT very competitive, and most people are just out to have fun, meet friends, possibly have some drinks, etc.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#370

Post by ubermonkey »

nonethewiser wrote: post #5

Isn’t being friends with your neighbors a far more obvious answer to this? I thought that’s where this was going. > Sometime during the pandemic lockdowns, I began to nurture a fantasy,” Adrienne Matei writes. “What if I were neighbors with all of my friends? Every day, as I took long walks through North Vancouver that were still nowhere near long enough to land me at a single pal’s doorstep, I would reflect on the p…

Only once in my entire life have I actually been FRIENDS with a neighbor.

Fortunately, it's right now.

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