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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#231

Post by mantas »

com2kid wrote: post #47
clipsy wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For what it's worth, as the rare suburbanite HNer, I fondly recall my family having the same sort of relationships with neighbors in the late 80's and 90's; unfortunately the same just doesn't seem to happen even in socioeconomically comparable suburbs today. Even just attempts to strike up small talk with a neighbor when we both happen to be outside at the same time are usually rebuffed, and the idea that anyone wou…

> For what it's worth, as the rare suburbanite HNer, I fondly recall my family having the same sort of relationships with neighbors in the late 80's and 90's; unfortunately the same just doesn't seem to happen even in socioeconomically comparable suburbs today. I used to live in a townhome in Kirkland Washington, ~10 minutes from Microsoft's main campus. One year my wife and I made Christmas cookies and went door to…

> IMHO something about 10,000 sqft yards and deep setbacks destroys any hope for communities.

I doubt it's the case. I moved to outskirts from the city. Even with lower density and fewer people, 2 years in, I already know more people than I knew after 7 years in the same apartment. I also talk to and hang out with my neighbours much more. Community events are a thing here. Local FB groups are friendly and supportive, which is probably the biggest difference.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#232

Post by pas »

atoav wrote: post #226
vkou wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When your average building is 6 stories tall, and your typical street is 30 feet wide building to building, a quarter mile circle holds a lot of families! Someone walking through a six-story downtown is, by such a measurement, traveling faster than a car traveling at ~90 mph through suburbia. (Of course, a car can't travel that quickly through suburbia.)

How much use you can pull out of that depends on how it is zoned. In European cities it is not uncommon to have grocery stores, pubs, cafes, bakeries and such within walking distance of your home. My next grocery store is 2 minutes by foot. The next 24/7 store where I can get beer 5 minutes, the next park 8 minutes. In the worst flat in these terms I ever had in a city over here was 10 minutes walk to the next grocer…

yes

https://youtu.be/TaU1UH_3B5k

https://youtu.be/qQ7MP2e7Bqk

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#233

Post by _trampeltier »

rcarr wrote: post #101
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

Here’s another thing no one talks about because it’s taboo: drink driving. Right up until the mid 70s, it was completely socially acceptable to drink and drive. Now I agree that it was probably a good thing that’s it’s been banned, but having to pay for and organise transportation to go to whatever event it is you want to go to adds another substantial layer of friction to socialising. Not to mention the fact that th…

In another discussion about birth rate, somebody wrote something like this here in HN. "It's a lot safer on the street since we drink less and drive. So this saves many lives. But since we drink less, we meet less people and we make fewer children. But this "never born" children are in no statistic."

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#234

Post by oriolid »

hackernewds wrote: post #204
BenFranklin100 wrote: post #14

Access to friends is probably the biggest reason I prefer dense urban environments. There’s something magical about being able to step out your door and be within a 10-20 minute walk of close friends or family. It invites casual get togethers like Saturday afternoon coffee or an after work drink. Living an hour or two apart kills these opportunities. I recall walking through Vienna one weeknight evening and being ama…

> outright bans of denser types of housing makes this lifestyle all but impossible. I'm confused by this take. Most American urban cities are unnecessarily dense - Manhattan, SF, Chicago all squeezed into high rises 1000 occupant buildings.

We must have seen different versions of New York. The one I remember had a few high rises at Manhattan, a lot of lower buildings at the central areas and suburbs of individual houses that extended tens of kilometers to every direction. The difference to for example Hong Kong is huge.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#235

Post by shadowofneptune »

A citation in this article can shed some light on how it is for gay people:

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/people-wh...

> In LGBTQ circles, placing a high value on friendship has long been common. Carroll, Rivera, and several other people I interviewed for this story, absorbed the idea of “chosen family”—that those besides blood can decide to become kin—from this community. Though he and Rivera never considered dating, Carroll had already learned to be at ease with nonsexual intimate relationships with men. In other words, he had come to appreciate something that was once widely understood—as Godbeer, the historian, puts it, that “we can love without lusting.”

In my own experience as part of one, these relationships can have a sexual character, but usually only as a part of it, not the core. I myself plan to move closer to my friends once the opportunity is available.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#236

Post by KptMarchewa »

kennyloginz wrote: post #215
irrational wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is probably a generational thing. I’m GenX. Growing up I never heard anyone talk about being depressed, having anxiety, etc. If someone today started trying to talk to me about mental health issues, I’d probably just have a deer in the headlights look since I have no clue how to respond to that sort of topic.

Definitely not a generational thing. GenX was defined by expressing depression. Nirvana, nine inch nails, the cure.

Things present at media does not mean people act like this.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#237

Post by meowtimemania »

bavell wrote: post #143
dopidopHN wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think it’s unconventional, it’s just a definition of suburbs. Worse of both world in my book. Unless you want to raise your kid in isolation.

Huh? Growing up in the burbs (90's and 00's) I had dozens of kids around my age within biking distance.

I had the same experience. My memory of first grade until high school is getting home from school and hopping on my bike to ride to a friends house. I hope my kids can experience the same.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#238

Post by bombcar »

hibikir wrote: post #163
zamnos wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a bit of an unconventional POV, but I don't consider large areas of suburban sprawl to be cities but just really big towns. This covers Houston, swaths of Atlanta, lots of Southern California. There are lots of people living there compared to rural areas, to be sure, but without the density to support usable public transportation (once-an-hour buses don't count), it's really not a city at all. It's endless su…

If anything, you are being too nice to US suburbs: It's perfectly possible to have towns that are much denser than any US suburb. My Spanish home town has about 100K inhabitants: You'd not call that a city anywhere in the US. And yet, It's basically a circle with a one mile radius: Yes, just one mile. In that situation, one can walk everywhere, and public transportation is limited to the elderly, people carrying heav…

100k is certainly a city. That’s quite large - and for many places in the US the local “city” is of that size.

People definitely call Ventura, CA “the city” and its 100k.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#239

Post by Yizahi »

naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

While I also like "Not Just Bikes" and this idea in general, I must say that urbanists sometimes make this mistake - living right next to a dozen of people next door and a hundred more in the same building doesn't mean that you will talk to them. I've lived in the apartment for all my life and changed it last year. I have no idea who are the people next door to me, I don't know their names and the whole social interaction with them is limited to "have a nice day" once every few weeks when we accidentally meet in the corridor.

The other benefits of the higher density living does work though. More small businesses and shops nearby, hobby points of interest in the 15-30 minutes distance on foot or bus/tram, better infrastructure, etc.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#240

Post by mattweinberg »

ambicapter wrote: post #3

I have also fantasized about this recently. I also think it'd be great to live near people who are having children at the same time as I am having children. It seems pretty hard to coordinate however. I just bought a condo and my friends are still renting. That basically puts us in different zipcodes by default. As well housing is so touch (in the US) that when you find a good deal you're unlikely to move, even if yo…

> I also think it'd be great to live near people who are having children at the same time as I am having children.

This came automatically for us as our kids got old enough to go to school. You naturally meet lots of parents in your community with kids the same ages as yours, through school activities and extracurriculars.

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