Why don’t more people live close to friends?

In addition to what other have said, the definition of "friends" may change with time and context.

Like yourself, my family was super "close" to our neighbours when I was growing up. But they weren't even remotely "friends" in the sense that I might use the word today - there were zero common interests; significantly different backgrounds, world perspectives, priorities, lifestyles; they had little to talk about other than the prosaic; less superficially and more importantly, they would not be particularly honest or open or intimate with each other within the parameters of social norms. But what they were was utterly dependable to each other - both households knew that they'd support each other - through the winter and power outages and minor and major inconveniences that comes in life.

There's certainly huge value in that and I think it's certainly possibly to establish such relationships with neighbours today, though it's hugely luck of the draw; but will that satisfy the need we (or at least some of us) have for close friends with open, honest and sharing relationships, partaking of interesting discussion and activities, and relationships surviving through geographical & lifestyle changes?

Some of my closest friends growing up were neighbors so it’s not necessarily a trade off. I mean maybe you live near a bunch of people you really dislike but I think it’s a pretty modern phenomenon to have such little connection to the people around you.

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed.

I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends.

And suburban (and frankly disturbingly high percentages of urban) America IME is a strange cross between in constant proximity of others, and constant suspicion of others. Like there's just enough people around to not be alone, but not enough to feel safe for many.

There's another comment in this thread positing that the social closeness of the old days broke down because of more urbanization, but it's clear it's sprawl that's killing socialization.

The other day a friend and I were talking about cities since I complain a lot about this now, and we did a quick check: Houston is far, far LARGER than say, Zurich, but their population density is a fraction. Everyone lives in cars that don't talk to each other, going to little boxes that mostly don't talk to each other. And the parking lots required for people to travel to a restaurant or bar means that there's less restaurants and bars.

Incidentally, I've found a single combination pedestrian/bike trail near me, and it's busier than the other trails, and people there are so much friendlier. It's a joy to go, and I'm slowly realizing I may still be introverted, but being out and about without it being a chore actually alleviates a lot of my anxiety.

For what it's worth, as the rare suburbanite HNer, I fondly recall my family having the same sort of relationships with neighbors in the late 80's and 90's; unfortunately the same just doesn't seem to happen even in socioeconomically comparable suburbs today. Even just attempts to strike up small talk with a neighbor when we both happen to be outside at the same time are usually rebuffed, and the idea that anyone would invite neighbors to (eg) a barbecue seems frankly impossible. Even when neighborhood kids play together the dynamic is usually their parents keeping minimal contact with each other and not trusting each other to keep an eye on the kids. I wish I had more insight to offer into why things are like this nowadays, but it's frankly just baffling and depressing.

Hey, we sort of became friends last month :D