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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#171

Post by jader201 »

maxerickson wrote: post #30
clipsy wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For what it's worth, as the rare suburbanite HNer, I fondly recall my family having the same sort of relationships with neighbors in the late 80's and 90's; unfortunately the same just doesn't seem to happen even in socioeconomically comparable suburbs today. Even just attempts to strike up small talk with a neighbor when we both happen to be outside at the same time are usually rebuffed, and the idea that anyone wou…

rare suburbanite HNer I bet that's pretty wrong.

I don’t think so.

I’ve seen countless threads and front page articles about more bike-friendly, anti-car city development, as well as how suburban and rural cities requiring cars and more driving is definitely not a good thing.

It’s very hard to find anyone coming to defense of the allure of smaller, more open developments with actual land between your neighbors.

If you want to find rural or suburban folks, HN is not the community to engage with.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#172

Post by DangitBobby »

polygamous_bat wrote: post #121
scarface74 wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uber makes things a lot simpler.

Maybe, but it also adds a (let's say) $20+$20 to your bill at the end of the night. For a lot of Americans that's not exactly cheap.

More like $50 there and $70 back.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#173

Post by ETH_start »

TylerE wrote: post #155
WaffleIronMaker wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Sprawl exists because it’s nice. I think the vast swaths of single family homes have much more to do with restrictive single-family zoning rather than just because there's demand for it. In many areas, there is clearly demand for more high density housing as well, but often mixed use developments are not available under restrictive zoning laws. I hope someone more qualified than I could expand on how the FHA influe…

This sort of view is needlessly antagonistic of those you may be trying to influence. People like what they like, stop telling them they're wrong for liking it! We're not all able-bodied extroverts that are unbothered by noise.

They didn't invalidate the idea that some people prefer sprawling neighborhoods. They just posited that that is not the only, or the primary reason for the extend of sprawl.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#174

Post by mikrotikker »

philsnow wrote: post #55

> why don’t we do this? The fetishization of the nuclear family, of course, as well as the building and zoning codes that facilitate that fetishization. Zoning calls them "single family homes" but it doesn't call it "nuclear family homes" or anything like that. Single family homes are more about American individualism [0] and not wanting to share anything if you don't absolutely have to. That's why, outside of at mos…

> insane density-averse zoning policy

Hell is other people.

I way prefer to live in low density areas and I do. If I can see my neighbours house, that's too close (my neighbours are actually wonderful). I live on the edge of a suburb with a goal to push out further into the rural areas. Where I'm trying to get to is a more commune style property where those that are closest to us can come and stay or live, with shared spaces.

You shouldn't try and push your extroverted views on other people. You can go and live in high density areas with all the potential zombies if you want, but don't make me do that please.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#175

Post by scarface74 »

iambateman wrote: post #85

Sprawl exists because it’s nice. People really like having a 3,000 square foot detached single family home with a 2 car garage. Especially when all of their friends have one. The only way everyone gets that, by definition, is sprawl. Of course, the drawbacks to personal health and well-being and societal stability are immense. But it’s really nice, too. Like, sitting in a massive basement with three TV’s while the gr…

My wife and I just moved from our 3200 square foot newly built (circa 2016) house last year and bought a 1300 square foot fully furnished condotel (units are owned individually in a resort condominium and they are rented out like hotels when we aren’t there and we get half the income).

We paid about the same price that we paid for our house. In return, we pay one CDD fee that covers all utilities, minor maintenance access to three pools, restaurants and convenience stores on site, a gym, and a lake.

Before we had to do all that ourselves - including maintenance of my home gym with cardio equipment.

We got rid of our cars and we literally live out of four suitcases. One suitcase holds “work clothes” since I do travel to client sites occasionally.

We are at home five months out of the year and we fly around the US staying in midrange extended stay hotels the rest of the year.

It is so freeing to have a “decontented” life. Our spending really hasn’t gone up, just reallocated.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#176

Post by Tade0 »

wincy wrote: post #137
dopidopHN wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think it’s unconventional, it’s just a definition of suburbs. Worse of both world in my book. Unless you want to raise your kid in isolation.

How? My eight year old daughter gets to roam free and has seven or eight different kids she plays with on a weekly basis. A few of them daily. We’re not worried about her getting carried off because the area is super safe. We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house. It’s also very diverse, her f…

I've found that it's more about the person than the area.

My friend is an urban activist and he always complained that his childhood neighbourhood wasn't conducive to meeting people.

Recently I learned that we actually grew up just a few bus stops from each other. For me it was never an issue to hop into a bus/subway train and reach my friends - usually unannounced.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#177

Post by mikrotikker »

no_wizard wrote: post #2

A somewhat modern feeling I have is also that it’s hard to make close friends as an adult. There’s less willingness to interact with strangers or even the possible idea of having a good interaction with someone that’s a stranger. I think that would also help alleviate the problem significantly is if we were able to meet people in safe spaces somewhat randomly without people feeling like it’s an affront or something

The last two people my partner has tried to make friends with have turned out to be utter scum.

I also seem to attract utter scum, I had to tow some crack heads off the local beach and tow them to work, I got their number and could have been friends with them but who wants to be friends with crackheads?

The other people my partner could be friends are in completely different stages of their lives (e.g. gonna be grandmas soon).

At this stage in my life (36) I've become weary of humans.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#178

Post by hibikir »

moralestapia wrote: post #11
no_wizard wrote: post #2

A somewhat modern feeling I have is also that it’s hard to make close friends as an adult. There’s less willingness to interact with strangers or even the possible idea of having a good interaction with someone that’s a stranger. I think that would also help alleviate the problem significantly is if we were able to meet people in safe spaces somewhat randomly without people feeling like it’s an affront or something

The paradox is that LOTs of people feel this way (me included), and lots of them would be willing to put some real effort into developing new friendships. Yet it still doesn't happen. Now, what could be behind that? (Not rhetorical, genuinely interested)

An argument is that friendships are rarely planned, and involve a variety of unexpected, fortuitous encounters. It's easy to make friendships in high school or college, as you really get to see a bunch of people over and over again, and eventually a few will become your friends. A long enough tenure at a job can do something similar.

But look at how we have life set up in a US suburb, where all our travel is in an environment where we cannot talk to anyone, most of our commerce is done in places designed to get you in and out as fast as possible, and where employees rotate often enough it might not be all so easy to ever make them register as people, much less build relationships with you. Stopping anywhere is inconvenient enough that that few people spend a significant amount of time lounging anywhere other than their home. So where are you, exactly, supposed to make friends? You have to be trying pretty hard.

People's best bets is to pick up a hobby where people meet regularly, like an exercise class, or a boardgame meetup. Then you have enough people that the probabilities of finding someone compatible go up.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#180

Post by atemerev »

Because my country suddenly (ok, gradually) turned murder-crazy, and half of my friends emigrated and will never be able to return, and the other half escaped war and destruction and atrocities, and the other half is still there and defending their country from the crazy murderous idiots of my former country?

Something like that.

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