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I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

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Re: I’ve been single all my life

#131

Post by msm_ »

dekhn wrote: post #125
maxbond wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women are not baby machines or objects of beauty, they're people. Their "greatest value" is whatever they decide it to be. They should form relationships in the way that brings them the most happiness. Reducing women to objects of beauty, saying their value comes from their fertility, and implying that if they disagree with that assessment it's because they're too emotional is almost the dictionary definition of miso…

I think I understand the point you're trying to make, but this is the sort of discussion board where many people are literalists. Women literally are baby machines: from the perspective of biology, and as a critical asset in the development of the human race (especially during times of high child mortality). People get upset when you point this out, but they don't get upset because it's the truth, they get upset beca…

> from the perspective of biology, and as a critical asset in the development of the human race (especially during times of high child mortality)

There are many things that may be true from the perspective of biology, but we collectively as a humanity choose to ignore or fight them. I think most people will disagree with the opinion that reproduction is the only goal of human life. Because that's it - an opinion (that you seem to share).

For example, there are many people of both sexes that consciously decide not to have children. In this context, reducing women (and women only) to "literally baby machines" is not really logically defensible in my opinion. Unless I misunderstood your point?

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#132

Post by resoluteteeth »

SoftAnnaLee wrote: post #10

The OP reminds me of some of the aromantic and asexual folk I've known. Not necessarily prescribing any label on his account. Just merely a thought based on a particular line is one I've heard a number times; > my general reply is the combination of a lack of opportunities and a lack of desire That said, I am very interested in hearing him extrapolate his thoughts further. I do use the aromantic and asexual label mys…

It's sort of surprising that someone would write a whole blog post like this in 2023 and not even mention the terms aromantic or asexual even if to just say that he rejects those labels. But maybe most people on HN aren't aware of those terms either?

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#133

Post by TimTheTinker »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #103
hombre_fatal wrote: post #83

I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…

So... how does one actually meet women?

Any place that facilitates meeting people in general and that attracts a high enough woman/man ratio.

Where would you go to make friends of either sex? That's a good starting place.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#134

Post by bayindirh »

amelius wrote: post #128
fernly wrote: post #99

I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…

> "Introversion is the state of primarily obtaining gratification from one's own mental life". If this is true, then why do we find so many introverts in online forums?

Being an introvert doesn’t mean they don’t like to share or communicate. It means they don’t crave real world human interaction as much.

I’m also an introvert. I like to communicate at my own pace. Online forums allows me to do that. I can leisurely check for progress on the discussion where I participate, or don’t check at all, after adding my two cents.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#135

Post by kranke155 »

mattrighetti wrote: post #123
numbers_guy wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. And I agree with you. I think, for a lot of these guys, if you literally never ever get a good chance, then of course that you go into "monk mode". I only fell in love the first time at 22, because I met a girl who I found amazing. The second time at 28, again because I very randomly met a girl who was amazing…

> He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. This is a classic, I've heard people say stuff like this in basically every country that I visited. I don't think it is something that can be measured, it's just something super subjective and a bit of a stereotype. From my experience, I've noticed that typically individuals will say this of people with thei…

… this sort of stuff is not just a “stereotype”. This stuff is real. This is measurable.

I am Portuguese - Brazilian. The gap between meeting and making new friends is gargantuan between the two countries. You can meet Brazilians for an hour or two and they’ll invite you to some gathering at their home. Portuguese people will do this less. And I’ve lived in England where this is even harder to make friends. London is the loneliest city in Europe and where people have the lowest average number of friendships.

It’s not just a stereotype. There are HUGE cultural differences.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#136

Post by kranke155 »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #103
hombre_fatal wrote: post #83

I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…

So... how does one actually meet women?

Go to dance class.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#137

Post by dekhn »

msm_ wrote: post #131
dekhn wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think I understand the point you're trying to make, but this is the sort of discussion board where many people are literalists. Women literally are baby machines: from the perspective of biology, and as a critical asset in the development of the human race (especially during times of high child mortality). People get upset when you point this out, but they don't get upset because it's the truth, they get upset beca…

> from the perspective of biology, and as a critical asset in the development of the human race (especially during times of high child mortality) There are many things that may be true from the perspective of biology, but we collectively as a humanity choose to ignore or fight them. I think most people will disagree with the opinion that reproduction is the only goal of human life. Because that's it - an opinion (tha…

Nobody said reproduction was the only goal of human life. Although, one imagines, since it's the only reason that any human existed ever, it's a pretty important one. Probably the most important one!

I think you're imputing reduction when it wasn't implied or intended.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#138

Post by lamontcg »

carbine wrote: post #53
jakeva wrote: post #7

I haven't been single all my life, but the relationships I have had have taught me things that makes it easier to be single. I remember the good times fondly, but the bad times remind me why being single isn't so bad.

I'm a woman and have had long serious relationships and long-ish stretches of being single. Took me a while to filter through all the social pressure BS and realize that, on balance, I have been way (WAY) happier single. Maybe this could change one day? But right now I have no interest in changing it. It'd take someone extraordinary. I'm not 'poly' or 'asexual' or any of that crap, I've just had to give up so much of…

> If we put less social pressure on people to pair bond, some non-zero percentage of the population would be genuinely happier.

100% agreed.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#139

Post by throwway120385 »

JasserInicide wrote: post #106
aidenn0 wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a man and I definitely see more pressure on women to pair off, at least at younger ages. With men (particularly driven or ambitious men), there's a societal "he'll settle down eventually" but with women "eventually" is like "late 20s"

It's not just social pressure, it's simply a biological fact. For each year after ~30, the chance of having something wrong with a child during pregnancy goes up. On average in relationships, women's greatest value is their youth and beauty (early/mid 20s), men's greatest value is when they've progressed in their career and are amassing wealth (mid/late 30s). There's nothing wrong about pointing this out, they're jus…

You can't make blanket statements about the "value" of a person's life in one breath and then ask people to eschew emotional reactions in the next breath. Value and emotion go hand in hand and you have to let how you feel lead what you value at times.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#140

Post by toast0 »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #103
hombre_fatal wrote: post #83

I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…

So... how does one actually meet women?

Same way you meet any type of human. Participate in activities where socialization is a part of the activity, either intentionally or not; and actively socialize when the opportunity presents itself.

As a basic filter for activities, look for things where many people participate in physical proximity, the activity has periods of intense focus and then lulls, and without a taboo on talking. It helps if the activity attracts the type of people you want to meet, and it also interests you.

Don't bring a phone or other distraction for the periods of non-focus, use that time to probe for socialization.

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