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Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

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Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#201

Post by throwaway290 »

jraph wrote: post #198
throwaway290 wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't see a point of any questions like that, and somehow I always find things to talk about in a social setting. Stuff they do, place they were born etc can always enter a conversation if relevant, or not if they don't want to talk about that. Asking these is always intrusive, you might not think so if you are fully comfortable talking about what you do or where you're from etc, but that's not all people.

> I don't see a point of any questions like that it's a discussion starter. The point is to start the discussion. It often works. > Asking these is always intrusive, you might not think so if you are fully comfortable talking about what you do or where you're from etc, but that's not all people. Ok, that's another argument than "it's lazy". I can see it, especially when people are unemployed, they often feel ashamed.…

> it's a discussion starter

Anything can be a discussion starter, even "weather is nice", and a lot of it is less privileged/entitled/profiling/inquisitive sounding.

Actually, "what do you do" is as often a non-starter for me if the person tells me about something I am not interested in and it sucks to have to feign interest. It's much better to ask something pertaining to a shared interest. If you actually pay attention you may notice things around the person that reflect their interests, ask about that.

> On the other hand, isn't it a risk with any personal question?

Nah, only those that concern social status, something you cannot change about yourself (origin) or something that could put you in danger (where you live). In a casual setting I don't see any point of those questions except to assert oneself. If you don't expect it you would be uncomfortable but would have to suck it up and reply or be confrontational and reveal insecurity. Sure sometimes it's fun to think of creative ways of answering this questions without answering them but who are you to put me on the spot to do it in real time while watching me? We are all just trying to have a good time.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#202

Post by Manjuuu »

marginalia_nu wrote: post #191
Manjuuu wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard pass.

I press square tiles arranged on a sort of grid on a flat rectangular horizontal object in a careful sequence to manipulate lights on another vertical viewing rectangle placed perpendicular to the tile-pressing rectangle.

Put this way it's way more mysterious and interesting.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#203

Post by comte7092 »

blitzar wrote: post #75
capableweb wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the peopl…

People dont ask these things directly ... asking what you do for a living is asking how much money you make. > 16 years old Back then they asked what your parents did for a living

That’s definitely a personal bubble type of an answer.

No one I ever knew asked or cared about those types of questions.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#204

Post by ModernMech »

latexr wrote: post #173
ModernMech wrote: post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That’s a pretty invasive question to ask a stranger though. I don’t like to share my thoughts with strangers, as they are much too personal. Someone asks me what I’m thinking lately, and I immediately have to deflect or think of lies to tell in order to not have to say what I’ve been thinking. I don’t want to stand there lying or telling the truth. Much easier to talk about something that isn’t so personal.

From Aaron’s post: > [T]he question is extremely open-ended. The answer could be a book, a movie, a relationship, a class, a job, a hobby, etc. Notice how “job” is in there. You can still give a non personal answer if you wish.

I appreciate it's open ended, and one can answer however they please. But faced with this question, I can honestly say I would have to lie. It's like answering the question "How's it going?" with "fine, how about you?" Sure, one can go into how it's really going with a stranger, or they can just respond with pleasantries and small talk.

So if you want to get deep into a conversation with someone about what they've really been thinking about lately, it's not going to happen as a repones to this conversation starter. At best, I think this kind of conversation starter is so open-ended, it's on par with "what's up?"

"What have you been thinking about lately?"

"Eh. Not much, you?"

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#205

Post by hinkydoriescat »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #140
iLoveOncall wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The list is obvious flamebait, just don't fall for it.

Sadly, it is in fact very real. The difference in how you are treated as an architect vs an engineer [in the UK] is really quite astonishing. And also perhaps with good reason, as an architect you are keeper of the magic and mystery of the 'queen of the arts', whereas as an engineer you are just there to fix the tv/computer/iphone/whatever. As an architect you are part of polite conversation about what the world is/w…

[flagged]

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#206

Post by icedchai »

dspillett wrote: post #121
chakintosh wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm in the same boat. But I usually just say I draw rectangles on a screen.

My go-to answer for “what do you do for a living?” is “as little as I can get away with”.

"I'm a professional Zoom meeting attender. Occasionally I write code."

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#207

Post by gnutrino »

version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I was at a dinner party and asked someone what they do. They ran a research lab, and I was really interested, and asked questions. He was surprised I actually liked chemistry and was interested in his research. He said normally people just joke about how they hated chemistry in high school, so he normally avoided talking about it. He said people don't realize it's really rude to basically tell someone that their life's work is boring and they hated it when they were 16. I'm now much more careful about how I respond to what people do for a living, even if it's not something that I'm interested in.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#208

Post by JohnFen »

russnes wrote: post #55

What people do for a living takes up about half of their waking life (and they probably dream about it too), so it will tell you so much about the person. Personally I love my job and what I do, so I really want to talk about matters at least related to it because my life does revolve around it indeed. So establishing some common ground with the other person can really help to start the conversation. But of course th…

> it will tell you so much about the person

But only if you know the person well enough to have the context of it. What a person's job says about them is very different, for example, if they love their job vs hating their job.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#209

Post by JohnFen »

version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

This.

I enjoy talking shop a great deal -- but I absolutely hate it when I've been going on about something that has caught my fancy and then notice that I've been boring the person I'm talking to to tears.

So I mostly don't talk about my work unless I'm just with other software people.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#210

Post by JohnFen »

verelo wrote: post #109
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I try play a game when i meet a new person: see how long i can go without discussing work with them. The best new connections tend to take the longest to reach work, it’s often a signal of a lazy conversation starter and like you said just an attempt to size up our social status.

I play a variant of this: how long until a stranger asks me "what do you do?"

Over the last decade or so, I've found that I'm asked this question far lass than I used to be. I don't know if the times have changed, or if it's that I'm older and so generally am meeting older people now.

Either way, I welcome this change.

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