Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

wsj.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

121–130 of 249 posts

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#121

Post by dspillett »

chakintosh wrote: post #97
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I'm in the same boat. But I usually just say I draw rectangles on a screen.

My go-to answer for “what do you do for a living?” is “as little as I can get away with”.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#122

Post by ModernMech »

latexr wrote: post #59

Aaron Swartz proposed “what have you been thinking about lately” as the smalltalk question. http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/smalltalkq

That’s a pretty invasive question to ask a stranger though. I don’t like to share my thoughts with strangers, as they are much too personal. Someone asks me what I’m thinking lately, and I immediately have to deflect or think of lies to tell in order to not have to say what I’ve been thinking. I don’t want to stand there lying or telling the truth. Much easier to talk about something that isn’t so personal.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#123

Post by hotpotamus »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #96
morelikeborelax wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You forgot brain surgeon. Of course it's not rocket science is it.

Probably with Doctor. An actual scientist might come above Lawyer/Doctor (and below Artist/Designer), but this is a rather recent upwards move, as it became cooler to be smart (note this does not apply to engineers, who are looked down upon by scientists anyway)

It's a reference to a Mitchell and Webb sketch about the status games that people play around employment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNPmhBl-8I

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#124

Post by [deleted] »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #79

In the UK we do this as part of status negotiation - the second question anyone asks (after whats your name?) is what do you do? Then we can decide whether we are above or below the other person in the status hierarchy, which is roughly as follows: - Architect - Artist/Designer/Creative - Lawyer/Doctor/Teacher - Executive/Manager - ... - ... - Bar staff - Engineer - Software Engineer - Waiter - Driver - Cleaner

[deleted]

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#125

Post by macNchz »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #79

In the UK we do this as part of status negotiation - the second question anyone asks (after whats your name?) is what do you do? Then we can decide whether we are above or below the other person in the status hierarchy, which is roughly as follows: - Architect - Artist/Designer/Creative - Lawyer/Doctor/Teacher - Executive/Manager - ... - ... - Bar staff - Engineer - Software Engineer - Waiter - Driver - Cleaner

For what its worth, this is called “occupational prestige” and sociologists run public opinion studies to create actual lists like that: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupational_prestige

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#126

Post by Hoasi »

huffmsa wrote: post #82
capableweb wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the peopl…

If anyone's ever asked: - what do you do? - where do you live? - are you married? - have any kids? They're asking about your money and your sex life.

Not at all. Those are valid questions. In some parts of Asia, those are the first questions you'll get, including your salary. You might as well get that out of the way from the start.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#127

Post by leroy-is-here »

impendia wrote: post #107
TRiG_Ireland wrote: post #67

A lot of people in the comments are suggesting alternative small talk, like "tell me what you did this weekend" or "tell me what you're about (?!)". I don't understand the need for any of that. You're meeting in some social environment: talk about that. If it's a dinner, talk about the food, or the host. If someone has just given a speech, talk about that. If you're at a sporting event, or a mediaeval reenactment eve…

I moved from San Francisco, where it was common to ask people "wnat do you do?", to South Carolina, where it's considered a little bit rude. For me, it was a painful transition; I no longer find it easy to get into enjoyable conversations with new people. I've always found it difficult to talk about, e.g. food. "Isn't this food great?" "Yeah, it's delicious"! Similarly with the weather, or any other conversation wher…

Here’s a trick: allow yourself to notice things and then comment on them. That’s what people want. A few examples:

* Damn, she made these biscuits big as hell. Love these biscuits.

* Not sure what 36 is doing on the sideline like that.

* Hey man, that hat looks baller.

* Yeah, last weekend I saw a dude in stilts

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#129

Post by paiute »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #79

In the UK we do this as part of status negotiation - the second question anyone asks (after whats your name?) is what do you do? Then we can decide whether we are above or below the other person in the status hierarchy, which is roughly as follows: - Architect - Artist/Designer/Creative - Lawyer/Doctor/Teacher - Executive/Manager - ... - ... - Bar staff - Engineer - Software Engineer - Waiter - Driver - Cleaner

Kind of makes me smile. I've been a Software Engineer in the US long enough to see it go from where you placed it in the list to closer to the top. At least where I live now, everyone wants to be a Software Engineer. I suspect that will change in the next couple years during dotcom 2.0 - back to waiter level.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#130

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

cbg0 wrote: post #6

Telling people what you do is more than just telling them your job title, it's also a great opportunity to tell them what motivates you about your job, and thus showing some of your values, which is pretty important when meeting new people and allows you to more easily form bonds with those that share similar values.

On the one hand, I feel like most people just do a job because, like me, they have to so they can have food, shelter, and medical care and it has nothing to do with their passions because only a privileged few ever get to align those things.

On the other hand, if someone tells me they work in marketing I instantly know that they are completely untrustworthy and only value enriching themselves at huge cost to society.

On the gripping hand, I don't really like meeting new people anyway, largely because of tedious bullshit conversational maneuvering wherein someone is trying to suss out how best to sell me something, get something from me, or if I'm open to participating in their echo chamber bullshit.

Post reply on HN