Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service • Hacker News Board

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#431

Post by sacnoradhq » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:00 AM UTC

ifyoubuildit wrote: post #401

imbnwa wrote: post #367

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>It seems very appalling when you focus on the bits you don't like and ignore the bits like "no unwanted advances". Yes, lets cultivate young hetero men to expressly look for sexual opportunities where they have an explicit and conscious asymetrical power-relation to women. Quality dudes these will be.

Would it be ridiculous to possibly interpret this instead as young hetero men looking for opportunities where they have something to offer? Or should they only look for sexual opportunities where they are outclassed by their peers?

While the thirsty may equate to "drug" users, love lacks math(s). There's plenty of CEO women with mechanic husbands. Station is somewhat orthogonal to quality, but not completely.

I'm most depressed that the prevalent attitude of 20's-30's somethings (men and women) tends to be maximizing hookups, binge drinking, and self-indulgence. Read a book, mentor a kid in high school, raise a service animal, donate blood, volunteer for the food bank, or talk to another human like human regardless of where they come from.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#432

Post by lelanthran » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:01 AM UTC

lazide wrote: post #392

lelanthran wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> According to one person anyway. We haven’t surveyed the class, correct? No, according to the complainants, there has been no unwanted advances. IOW, the people who object to this have said that there have been no unwanted advances. Why are you assuming that poor behaviour won't be reported by the complainants when they complain ?

Because the people complaining aren’t reporting poor behavior, but your own admission?

> Because the people complaining aren’t reporting poor behavior, but your own admission?

No, I said that the complainers who are complaining have NOT experienced poor behaviour, so what on earth makes you think that the poor behaviour must exist but is unreported?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#433

Post by Tozen » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:01 AM UTC

Flagging this thread is an example of trying to silence any opposing views or logically examining the actions of the teacher in question.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#434

Post by c23gooey » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:03 AM UTC

I-love-india wrote: post #93

nhchris wrote: post #43

> This might be hard, as no unwanted advances are taking place. We simply have students excelling at the course, and drawing-in a crowd. I should've been more clear with my "leching" comment. Still, it seems harassing in nature. It seems increasingly that society demands a world where dating only happens during designated and approved dating times and venues, and outside those strictly delimited places, men are to be…

No, you just to treat women with respect. The issue here is intention. The intention here is not about teaching or learning in the class. But its using that pretence in fact distrupting the intention of the class and people there. How do you like your intention distrupted? How about by unattractive slobs who are objectifying you and trying to be "helpful" and trying tricks they found on internet If someone is trying…

Why do you assume all these people are unattractive?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#435

Post by cpach » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:03 AM UTC

honkler wrote: post #428

cpach wrote: post #426

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This trope is getting tiresome. Having successful interactions with potential partners and forming relationships is really not about looking like Brad Pitt. Trust me, I know. And I don’t say this just to try to be politically correct. It’s easy for young people to fall into this delusion, but there’s much more to it than looks.

excuse me! are you negating my LIVED EXPERIENCE??

No. I’m telling you: Even if you don’t have great looks, you still have a chance. Isn’t that great?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#436

Post by gameman144 » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:03 AM UTC

bitmunk wrote: post #192

tiahura wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Girls must be protected from being asked out at all costs because they are strong and independent future girl-bosses.

Let's change the subjects from "horny upperclassmen" to "MLM representatives that want to get new suckers". Would you be fine with going to a class where a significant percentage of people are trying to get you to sell Amway products? And they don't give a damn about the class?

> Would you be fine with going to a class where a significant percentage of people are trying to get you to sell Amway products?

Yes, absolutely. If they are getting in the way of my ability to focus by talking to me about Amway products, then no. Likewise, if they ask after class "Hey, wanna buy some Amway?" and I refuse, that's fine -- one bite of the apple is reasonable. If they keep asking me if I want to buy Amway, then that becomes a problem.

A bunch of people with any ulterior motive in my class are fine with me. Those people not respecting my motives (learning) is the issue.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#437

Post by Tozen » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:05 AM UTC

throway33 wrote: post #386

joe-collins wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

If you happen to be an intelligent and decent young man from a male-dominated major who legitimately likes helping others who are struggling to learn the subject you're passionate about, how would women in your dating pool, who find those personality traits attractive, discover those things about you?

And, you will likely never get answers from the other side about how to do such, outside of: do nothing, consult zodiac sign, hope for magic, fate, luck, or a shoulder shrug response.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#438

Post by Overtonwindow » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:06 AM UTC

zozbot234 wrote: post #284

jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

I think you're right about this. The male auditors are overdoing the whole showboating thing in a way that creates a bad experience for the rest of the students, and probably doesn't really help their romantic prospects either. Sensible women want to get to know friends in a gradual, natural fashion and perhaps be a little wowed in non-obvious ways. No one wants to be advertised to with "FREE private tutoring session…

Reminds me of kids in my high school classes that would misbehave and cause disruptions, which would cause a disruption for everybody else, but the teacher really couldn't do anything about it because short of violence, you couldn't kick them out of the class.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#439

Post by ofcourseyoudo » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:06 AM UTC

lelanthran wrote: post #330

joe-collins wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

> If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place? Because it's a) Not disturbing, and b) working. I mean, seriously, if they keep their hands to themselves and make no unwanted advances, what exactly do you find indecent about this?

You're in a couple of these threads stanning for these creeps. As a mental exercise: why do you think several of the women are demoralized by this environment if there's nothing going wrong here?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#440

Post by ofcourseyoudo » Tue, Jan 31, 2023, 5:08 AM UTC

throway33 wrote: post #386

joe-collins wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

If you happen to be an intelligent and decent young man from a male-dominated major who legitimately likes helping others who are struggling to learn the subject you're passionate about, how would women in your dating pool, who find those personality traits attractive, discover those things about you?

Maybe they would notice you help whoever asks for it, not just attractive women, and by contrast they would think, "Hey, he seems decent, not like those creeps that only have tutoring sessions for hotties."