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Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#381

Post by drewcoo »

t-writescode wrote: post #131
dymk wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Birth rates are tanking because of increased access to contraceptives and people having the wealth and freedom to enjoy their 20s and 30s unburdened by children

> people having the wealth and freedom to enjoy their 20s and 30s unburdened by children and people *not* having the wealth and freedom to have children, being burdened by 80+ hour work weeks to pay rent on a place they'll never own or have capital in. Listen to the millenials and gen z'ers before you make bold accusations.

Unintended pregnancies have continued to rise among the poor and fall among the wealthy (including folks with decent birth control who don't think they can afford a child) for decades now.

This data's a little old, but makes the point:

https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2013/unintended-preg...

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#382

Post by type-r »

RedShift1 wrote: post #18
Metacelsus wrote: post #6

For many people, college itself is a dating service.

I never dated when I was in school, if I could advise my past self I'd say try to get as many dates as you can because after school it dries up pretty fast... I'm 36 now and still single -_-.

I think often we way over-weight environmental factors in this area. As individuals we have crazy amounts of agency to change things for ourselves. FWIW I barely dated in school, partly because I didn't care much for social interaction but also (maybe mostly) because I was quite clueless about romantic attraction. Since graduating and especially getting into my 30s, things have become so much easier.

Especially as a male, you can really change your situation by consistently choosing to invest in becoming a compelling partner.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#383

Post by [deleted] »

zozbot234 wrote: post #284
jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

I think you're right about this. The male auditors are overdoing the whole showboating thing in a way that creates a bad experience for the rest of the students, and probably doesn't really help their romantic prospects either. Sensible women want to get to know friends in a gradual, natural fashion and perhaps be a little wowed in non-obvious ways. No one wants to be advertised to with "FREE private tutoring session…

[deleted]

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#384

Post by logicalmonster »

Whether or not this account is mostly true or not, IMO, the most important thing lost in this is that some young adults are reportedly so desperate for a date that they'll go to class more often. Think about how stunningly crazy that is. That's a clear indicator that something is really broken about society.

What is it society that is so backwards right now?

IMO, it's the bullshit of the last 3 years. If you're in college today, either the tail end of your high-school years, or all of your college experience has been ruined by the inhumanly stupid reaction to Covid. This has been one of the worst times in human history for meeting new people with all of the nonsensical Covid rules. How many college campuses have been fully masked up and made normal social engagements a nightmare?

There's a lot more that can be said, particularly how dating apps screw over average people, but I'd say that looking at why these young adults seem to be engaging in weird behavior is the most important takeaway.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#385

Post by tayo42 »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #255

Unsettled how many HN readers think this is OK. Please think deeply about this situation, using your systems thinking, to see why this is a really bad trend. It is kind of worse than a single guy joining a yoga class for the same reasons. This is a conspiracy to get lots of men to interfere with the education and success of women to get a date or sex.

These kinds of threads are always an interesting reminder of the kind of people that post here. They have comments on other things too... Can't take any comment seriously

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#386

Post by throway33 »

joe-collins wrote: post #278
murrkat wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there not a chance one of the young men offering open labs or tutoring might, in fact, be intelligent, enthusiastic about the sciences and decent ?

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

If you happen to be an intelligent and decent young man from a male-dominated major who legitimately likes helping others who are struggling to learn the subject you're passionate about, how would women in your dating pool, who find those personality traits attractive, discover those things about you?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#387

Post by lelanthran »

elil17 wrote: post #149
xupybd wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think that taking a class to get to know single women of your own age is disrespectful. Do we know they are objectifying? The post said this was about finding a future wife.

It’s disrespectful because it ignores the fact that the women are not there to date, but to learn. The men are getting in their way by showing off and offering disingenuous tutoring.

> It’s disrespectful because it ignores the fact that the women are not there to date, but to learn.

Well, if they're dating in that class, then you're obviously wrong; those women who date in that class are there to learn and (obviously) open to dating as well.

Who are you to tell women who they may or may not date?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#388

Post by ryandrake »

8note wrote: post #193
not2b wrote: post #22

If a male engineering student chooses, say, a drama elective in hopes of meeting more women, that's fine as long as he takes the class seriously and treats fellow students with respect. He might even learn something. But someone with a strong math background shouldn't be allowed in a 100-level math for liberal arts students class, regardless of motive.

I've taken a 100-level math for liberal arts students class as a 4th year engineer. It was useful and different, being counting class as a prereq for a 200 level comp sci algortihmns class It was still really easy, but i don't think I could have done the 200 level without it

I specifically took a bunch of easy classes in my Senior year because 1. I already fulfilled my major-required core and elective classes, 2. I already had a post-uni job lined up (so I just had to keep my GPA high) and 3. Honestly I'd been burning myself out with 18 credits per semester, and thought I could use a break.

I wouldn't see the harm in adding "4. There are a lot of women in these classes" to my already lazy-burnout list of criteria. I kind of wish I had those demographic information available to me back when I went to school. Neat hack.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#389

Post by filereaper »

jeffbarr wrote: post #4

Bill Gates and Paul Allen were doing something similar decades ago. According to https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35442969 (but well known before that): > Paul Allen, who would later become a co-founder of Microsoft, was a couple of years above Gates at school. Together they fixed the school scheduling software to ensure Gates was the only boy in classes of girls.

Elon Musk very famously didn't go to University of Waterloo and instead went to Queens, despite Waterloo being a higher ranked technical university.

Mainly due to lack of women.

IronWarrior is the Engineering Student Paper at UWaterloo.

https://iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca/2013/09/21/24233/elon-musk-and...

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#390

Post by Tozen »

lelanthran wrote: post #330
joe-collins wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

> If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place? Because it's a) Not disturbing, and b) working. I mean, seriously, if they keep their hands to themselves and make no unwanted advances, what exactly do you find indecent about this?

> ...if they keep their hands to themselves and make no unwanted advances, what exactly do you find indecent about this?

It's likely that they are bothered by heterosexual males who might have any situation or opportunity (among adults of similar age and agency) that can be perceived as advantageous to them or contributes to their happiness.

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