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Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#191

Post by belorn »

enumjorge wrote: post #55
ZephyrBlu wrote: post #25

Ingenious and hilarious. Trying to shut it down is probably going to create more interest, Streisand effect type thing. I would leave it to burn out on it's own. It sounds like a net positive on the whole. Hard to tell if there is really a problem here. "a number of female students" reached out to her with concerns, but "a few fellow profs either find it comical, or are happy that open labs are so full of volunteer t…

I agree that shutting it down would likely backfire if the prof tries to shut it down too aggressively, but I don't know that I follow the conclusion that this is mostly a positive. There's some selective minimizing of the students that feel uncomfortable and maximizing of what some of the faculty think: ~Sure, some female students feel weird about guys in their class pretending to be in the instructor so that they c…

I suspect the likely reason why the faculty think its funny is because the average number of volunteer tutors is likely close to zero, and having too many volunteer tutors is an unusual problem.

The more cynical faculty may think that there is generally only two reasons why students would spend their time volunteering as tutors. Either because they get paid, or because they want to impress other students.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#192

Post by bitmunk »

tiahura wrote: post #33
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #9

I suspect that if you just announced this fact to the women in the class - either officially, if that doesn't get you in trouble, or under the table if it would - then the problem would basically solve itself. Certainly no males in the class would be getting dates.

Girls must be protected from being asked out at all costs because they are strong and independent future girl-bosses.

Let's change the subjects from "horny upperclassmen" to "MLM representatives that want to get new suckers". Would you be fine with going to a class where a significant percentage of people are trying to get you to sell Amway products? And they don't give a damn about the class?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#193

Post by 8note »

not2b wrote: post #22

If a male engineering student chooses, say, a drama elective in hopes of meeting more women, that's fine as long as he takes the class seriously and treats fellow students with respect. He might even learn something. But someone with a strong math background shouldn't be allowed in a 100-level math for liberal arts students class, regardless of motive.

I've taken a 100-level math for liberal arts students class as a 4th year engineer.

It was useful and different, being counting class as a prereq for a 200 level comp sci algortihmns class

It was still really easy, but i don't think I could have done the 200 level without it

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#194

Post by Gigachad »

wilsonnb3 wrote: post #74
nhchris wrote: post #43

> This might be hard, as no unwanted advances are taking place. We simply have students excelling at the course, and drawing-in a crowd. I should've been more clear with my "leching" comment. Still, it seems harassing in nature. It seems increasingly that society demands a world where dating only happens during designated and approved dating times and venues, and outside those strictly delimited places, men are to be…

Nobody cares if college students try to date other students from their classes. It is weird when people take a class specifically because of that reason though. It is even weirder when the class in question is something that they have a very high skill level in specifically so that they will be able leverage that into some kind of situation that leads to dating. This is pretty cut and dry to me, I am not sure why so…

It's not surprising imo. If you don't go significantly out of your way to be in spaces where you might bump in to someone you'd date, it's unlikely to happen. "designated dating spaces" like apps and bars have largely been failures so people are returning to tradition of trying to bump in to people semi organically.

I'm a gay guy so the situation is a little different/more level but I put a lot of effort in searching out local events, clubs, hobbies and attending a whole bunch of things I don't actually care that much about, just in an effort to be more visible and meet new people. Because getting to know someone first without jumping directly in to being serious like you get in dating apps is way better. You wouldn't consider it weird to join say a hiking club to make friends as the primary goal over just the hiking.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#195

Post by thepasswordis »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #183
thepasswordis wrote: post #75

The only thing this person needs help with is how to laugh at the cleverness here. Doesn't this actually push really hard towards a perfect 50/50 split of men and women in the classes anyway? Isn't that exactly what the professor wants?

Think of it closer to a company where the interns are girls, the team leaders are boys (who took the job to chat up the interns) and are now in a position of power and can legitimately ask for time with the girls (in 1-1s). They don’t do anything illegal or even hit on them overtly but it is creepy as hell.

Is that what's happening? It sounds like senior level students are auditing the classes, not working as TAs or something.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#196

Post by ShredKazoo »

troupe wrote: post #157
ShredKazoo wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>fairly textbook power harassment I thought "power harassment" is when you have power over someone. How does auditing a course give you power over fellow students? >the intention behind joining in the first place is what matters What's wrong with having an intention of finding someone to marry? Suppose a woman signs up for eHarmony with the intention of meeting her future husband -- is that problematic?

> How does auditing a course give you power over fellow students? I believe the logic is that the upperclassmen have more knowledge of the subject and therefor have more power to help others do well in the class. I've definitely had classes with annoying fellow students, but I never felt that I needed to study with anyone that I didn't feel comfortable studying with.

>I believe the logic is that the upperclassmen have more knowledge of the subject and therefor have more power to help others do well in the class.

They have that power regardless of whether they audit the course.

See https://blog.jaibot.com/the-copenhagen-interpretation-of-eth...

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#197

Post by [deleted] »

beebmam wrote: post #17
labrador wrote: post #8

Don't let senior level students audit junior level classes? Why are they even there besides the reasons outlined in the problem? This is a problem with the University because they don't want to acknowledge a problem. Do they really think that's going to last? If it was my daughter who left the class because she was harassed I'd be very angry.

Why do people see this as even remotely unethical? It seems to me that it's great that plenty of younger people are getting essentially free tutoring sessions and fun friendships/relationships out of it. Unless there's sexual assault/battery being alleged here, this is both ethical and good for all the students involved!

[deleted]

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#198

Post by jhanschoo »

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class:

> number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place

> It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "private free tutoring sessions", etc). Some of the young students in my class take up these offers, and this further demoralizes other female students seeing this happen (i.e. only attractive women being offered tutoring sessions).

So suppose you're a university student who have a mild preference for this course. Upon hearing of such behavior, you'd end up avoiding such a class to sidestep such a distraction. Not to mention being distracted with insecurities if you don't end up being offered tuition.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#199

Post by britch »

xupybd wrote: post #116
I-love-india wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, you just to treat women with respect. The issue here is intention. The intention here is not about teaching or learning in the class. But its using that pretence in fact distrupting the intention of the class and people there. How do you like your intention distrupted? How about by unattractive slobs who are objectifying you and trying to be "helpful" and trying tricks they found on internet If someone is trying…

I don't think that taking a class to get to know single women of your own age is disrespectful. Do we know they are objectifying? The post said this was about finding a future wife.

Taking an art class to meet different people is one thing. You at least have to grapple with the material. You are on equal footing with other students.

Showboating, or "offering to help" in something you have already learned thoroughly is disruptive to others learning.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#200

Post by troupe »

wilsonnb3 wrote: post #121
troupe wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It is weird when people take a class specifically because of that reason though. Really? I know people who specifically chose their entire major based on the ratio of women in that major.

It is probably not weird in the hormone-addled mind of a teenager but yeah, I find it to be some combination of weird, pervy, sleazy, misogynistic, etc.

There are still all female colleges. I wouldn't consider it weird for a female to decide against an all female college because they want to be able to be around males. It also doesn't seem weird that they might want to avoid classes that are all female. If they have two degree options they are considering and one tends to be mostly female, it seems like that might factor into their degree selection as well without being weird.
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