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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#771

Post by ianai »

seydor wrote: post #474

Calling this a "health issue" is quite misleading, as these issues cut through the fabric of society itself. Sexual competition might have been a thing in our deep past but what we call "societies" in historic times were built around sexual regulations that ensured people wouldn't just 'leave because they have nothing to lose'. Ancient Rome's foundational myth contained the abduction of the Sabine women . In ancient…

Are there places that treat single person homes or even single men without shame?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#772

Post by 19h »

quotz wrote: post #761
avmich wrote: post #641

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So dating apps are a waste of time, much better to go out and talk to girls in real life and get yourself out of the synthetic environment apps like Tinder create. Given your self-description, you're probably not understanding the problem from the men side. The problem is - how, specifically, to go out and talk to girls in real life. As Elon Musk says, let this sink in. We're talking here about modern times, where…

I feel like dating apps created this problem, the same way social media made everyone lonely and depressed by "connecting everyone". There's thousands of ways to talk to girls, and millions of resources and guides and books on how to do it, yet people do it less and less thinking dating apps will produce results.

I agree with the sentiment that dating apps have changed the dating landscape and have made it easier for people to connect with potential partners. However, this has also led to an overabundance of options and a culture of instant gratification, where people expect to find the perfect match with minimal effort. As a result, many people may become reliant on dating apps and may not put in the effort to meet potential partners in real life.

But the fact is, there are thousands of ways to talk to girls, and millions of resources and guides and books on how to do it, yet people do it less and less thinking dating apps will produce results.

We should not forget that building a social circle, joining clubs or groups, and participating in activities that align with your interests are all great ways to meet new people. Additionally, working on building social skills and confidence can also help in real-life interactions. And not all dating apps are created equal, and some may have a higher success rate for men than others. Some apps or websites are geared towards specific interests or demographics, and targeting these may increase your chances of success.

tl;dr dating apps can be a useful tool, but they should not be the only way to meet potential partners. It's important to actively seek out opportunities to meet new people in real life and to put in the effort to build genuine connections.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#773

Post by agent008t »

langitbiru wrote: post #758
robjan wrote: post #748

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the case you're describing, the hypothetical person is going into the hobby for the wrong reason. The primary objective should be the hobby, if you happen to find someone you get on well with all the better.

I understand your point. But the original premise is to find a relationship via hobby. Then some said it's wrong. You should have a hobby because of the hobby itself. People looking for relationships in hobbies would be a turnoff. So the original question is how people find relationships IRL (outside dating apps). Some answer just get a hobby. But then the same problem remains as you can see. The same thing can be ap…

The idea is that romantic relationships are a side-effect, pursuing them head-on is often the wrong approach. It is better to set up your life in a way that makes them more likely, and to forget about them being any sort of goal.

So yes, get hobbies that you are genuinely interested in, but cultivate ones that can be pursued in a more social way and that have a decent representation of the demographic you're interested in. Then be open and friendly, but don't actively look for romance. Get the rest of your life in order in that manner and it'll happen as a side-effect.

The problem of course is that it is easier done in certain cultures and environments than others. E.g. probably much easier in some slower university town in continental Europe than in some busy car-centric US city. Also easier if you have a more relaxed working life than a busy career with only barely enough free time to eat and sleep. And if people are generally are more open and social and are not all holed in in their apartments online.

Arguably, in a lot of the developed world the culture and the environment has become very unconducive for such things, especially in the last 15 years. Watching older European movies from the 70s, you can really see how much things have changed.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#775

Post by justinclift »

sangnoir wrote: post #604
justinclift wrote: post #590

Earlier quoted context omitted.

LA?

Los Angeles: 19 million people and home to Hollywood. It's to attractive people[1] what Silicon Valley is to nerds (not saying there isn't an overlap). To be completely honest, I also incorrectly thought LA was America's plastic surgery capital - but it turns out to be Miami. 1. Who want to be in entertainment/acting, but being attractive is almost a prerequisite.

Thanks both. :)

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#776

Post by jbuhbjlnjbn »

evilduck wrote: post #516
jbuhbjlnjbn wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>It might be flattering for a minute but after that I'm sure it's a burden not much lighter than the empty inbox. I guess some things have to be experienced for real understanding. No, this is surely not a burden by any measure, it is a huge privilege.

Feels like there's a strong analog between tech careers and recruiters and men and women in the online dating scene. In tech, fending recruiters off with a stick is far less of a burden and stress than being unemployed or permanently underemployed or underpaid in a different field. It's annoying, sure, but it's not going to cause you depression to have so many people showing interest in you, it validates some amount…

Yes. Female dating behavior is skewed and recruiting is skewed in a similar way.

They might actually be related... "Human resources" people are overly female. Maybe they just apply their normal behavior and experience to work?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#777

Post by raxxorraxor »

thw09j9m wrote: post #124

I'll chime in as somebody who's been considered top 10% of attractiveness in one country and bottom 50% in another - the difference in the amount of sexual opportunities on apps is absolutely staggering. Not that this should be a surprise to anyone. Where I am considered attractive, I've gotten 80+ matches in one day and random women messaging me at 11PM telling me they're lonely and to come hang out. I've had more f…

I had some luck with my looks although I am certainly no super model. I never used a dating app and the thought of them is a bit repellent. I was never interested in meeting women this way at all. Sure, there is a lot of prejudice from my side, but I don't know a single relationship in my fairly large social circle that came about by dating apps. There are exception for some platforms, mainly less gamified dating sites, but it would be difficult to convince me that you are looking for love on tinder. Maybe this is romance for you, but certainly not for everyone.

And I guess there is a tendency that more women don't like this style of dating than men. So the few women that are have a lot of choices. Why shouldn't they use that?

To me this is about hookups and nothing more. And some people aren't interested in that and I guess for several reasons they are also more successful in relationships.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#778

Post by jbuhbjlnjbn »

jrumbut wrote: post #57
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

Yeah, but you don't have deal with her problem which is an inbox flooded with random noise. It might be flattering for a minute but after that I'm sure it's a burden not much lighter than the empty inbox. Besides, as long as you get those few responses, that will be enough for all but the most active and adventurous daters. There are only so many hours in the day.

Downvoting my comments does not make them less valid.

You could actually test your hypothesis,make yourself deliberately less desirable, then check the reactions and what that does to your self esteem.

Some anecdotal evidence from a female who wrote a book about it https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Made_Man_(book)

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#779

Post by majikaja »

bmn__ wrote: post #774
majikaja wrote: post #751

I think the problem is that there aren't enough attractive 18-25 year old women to date all the average 18-80 year old men.

Not a problem in reality. Men will gladly settle for what they can get.

I think men's obsession about this topic needs to be treated in the same way drug addiction is.

Flood the market with supply then complain about surplus? It's like watching a dog chase its own tail.

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