Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#201

Post by idontpost » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:42 PM UTC

giantg2 wrote: post #135

spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

"I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-looking, that have not been touched by a woman in years." I have a friends like this. One solution a couple of them have found is dating internationally. Not via "mail-order" services though. It was sort of a situation where they had a domestic friend who had friends or relatives abroad who were looking for a US marriage. So there was some trust there, a…

At minimum I think most people (the bottom ~90% dating-success-wise, both men and women) in our society would be better off with arranged marriages compared to our current cultural hellscape.

The problem is no one thinks they're in the bottom 90% of anything.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#202

Post by dudul » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:42 PM UTC

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

Why don't you just try to prove her wrong? Seems like a pretty easy experiment.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#203

Post by throwaway6734 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

cmh89 wrote: post #93

spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

It's interesting to me. I have female friends in their 30s who go on tons of dates but reject pretty much all of them for any long-term relationship. The ones they seem to be in to tend to reject them after a couple of dates. I'm not there in those interactions but I wonder how much of it is a mismatch between what you desire in a relationship and who you are attracted to in a person.

How late into their 30s? Do they want kids?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#204

Post by mythrwy » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

wyager wrote: post #52

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

As with many sexually dimorphic behaviors in humans (and mammals in general), this flows from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variability_hypothesis You can have a stable/growing population with only 1 male per n>1 females. So, the evolutionarily optimal strategy is to crank up trait variance in males and have females select only the top 1/n males (hand-wavily speaking). Most modern human cultures suppressed this dynam…

Yep this is it. We are seeing our evolutionary state manifest as we work to undo a few millennia of "repressive" cultural norms.

The sad truth is most men are disposable (from an evolutionary point of view), much like the vast quantities of sperm they produce.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#205

Post by formerly_proven » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

wpietri wrote: post #159

some_random wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this but AITA is about as credible as newspaper advice columns and 4chan greentexts, that is to say not at all.

Oh, sure, a lot of the posts are made up. But a lot of them aren't. And most of the replies grounded in personal experience appear to be sincere, as they tend to come from established accounts with consistent histories, at least when I look. But in some sense, that doesn't matter, because even popular fiction serves as an important mirror for popular concerns. I hear enough verifiable real-world stories of entitled,…

There's also 2X which is often quite grueling.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#206

Post by gorilla0 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

wyager wrote: post #52

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

As with many sexually dimorphic behaviors in humans (and mammals in general), this flows from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variability_hypothesis You can have a stable/growing population with only 1 male per n>1 females. So, the evolutionarily optimal strategy is to crank up trait variance in males and have females select only the top 1/n males (hand-wavily speaking). Most modern human cultures suppressed this dynam…

Came here to say something similar. Humans are much closer to “other” animals than what they think, and social instituions like marriage were created to prevent social mayhem.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#207

Post by klyrs » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:43 PM UTC

pelasaco wrote: post #125

klyrs wrote: post #9

[flagged]

amazing, 14009 points, and just questionable contributions.. how is that possible?

Everything is questionable, to the inquisitive. Do you have something to add, or are you just casting valueless aspersions?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#208

Post by cph123 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:44 PM UTC

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #115

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

> While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them When it comes to dating apps, everyone I know falls into one of two categories: The first group invests time into generating a good profile. They put the effort into getting get photos of themselves and presenting the photos properly. They write a good bio, avoiding the tired tropes ("love f…

This has certainly made me rethink my approach...

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#209

Post by zb3 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:44 PM UTC

yamtaddle wrote: post #183

zb3 wrote: post #33

The need itself is the problem, and it's really surprising noone looks at it this way. A drug that 'd make me completely asexual (with no orientation) is the real solution for me, as currently there's none available.

There too was Cephalus the father of Polemarchus, whom I had not seen for a long time, and I thought him very much aged. He was seated on a cushioned chair, and had a garland on his head, for he had been sacrificing in the court; and there were some other chairs in the room arranged in a semicircle, upon which we sat down by him. [....] [Socrates:] And this is a question which I should like to ask of you who have arr…

I don't see any argument in your comment, so could you break it down for me?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#210

Post by dheera » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:44 PM UTC

FearlessNebula wrote: post #86

thwayunion wrote: post #59

The article correctly identifies that lack of intimacy and relationships are serious problems, with sexual loneliness being a related comorbidity (if you will). The comments, so far, predictably drift toward "how do we get everyone laid?" Giving everyone access to sex will not solve sexual loneliness. And, solving (a lot of) sexual loneliness can be achieved without giving everyone access to sex. Anecdotally, I spent…

Yeah everyone seems to be very focused on sex whereas to me the problem is not fostering intimate connections in the first place. We don’t have an epidemic of relationships that aren’t having sex, we’re having an epidemic of people who aren’t fostering those relationships and as a downstream byproduct they aren’t having sex. Pay a prostitute is a bandaid patch on the downstream problem, but it will never makeup for t…

I'm single and male, and personally I don't feel a "need" for sex. I do wish other less intrusive forms of intimacy e.g. hugs could be more legitimized between single people, though.

Sometimes I see pictures of cats cuddling and just wonder why humans are so bad at engaging in simple, consensual comforts like that.