Live data from Hacker News

Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

researchgate.net

51–60 of 806 posts

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#51
post #9

[flagged]

> Encourage men to have sex with men

Not the worst idea, but moreso because men should be comfortable and encouraged to have sex with whatever gender they want. Right now there is a lack of unanimous support for men who have sex with men.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#52

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

As with many sexually dimorphic behaviors in humans (and mammals in general), this flows from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variability_hypothesis

You can have a stable/growing population with only 1 male per n>1 females. So, the evolutionarily optimal strategy is to crank up trait variance in males and have females select only the top 1/n males (hand-wavily speaking). Most modern human cultures suppressed this dynamic via socially enforced pair bonding. When you lose that social adaptation, you revert back to more atavistic matching dynamics.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#53

I love how the article compares the unequal distribution of sex partners with the unequal distribution of wealth, because in my opinion that might be part of the cause. I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances. There have been other studies about young men struggling to find jobs that pay well enough for them to become financial…

technological advancement enabled dispropotinal wealth accumulation, also enabled disproportional partner accumulation.

So the underlying problem is that industrial revolution and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#55
post #28

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

Singling out dating apps, or worse a single company thinking their monopoly created the problem, is missing the forest for the trees.

The social dynamic exists independent of dating apps which monetize and exploit it.

The dynamic is the same in real life, for example at a nightclub where women drink for free, promoters who bring them get paid per girl, and lonely men pay $40 cover for a chance to shoot their shot

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#56
post #8

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

Prostitution is already legal in lots of countries. I’m not sure that there’s any evidence that it makes a huge amount of difference to this problem.

Are there any studies linking legal prostitution with less "sexual loneliness"?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#57

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

Yeah, but you don't have deal with her problem which is an inbox flooded with random noise. It might be flattering for a minute but after that I'm sure it's a burden not much lighter than the empty inbox.

Besides, as long as you get those few responses, that will be enough for all but the most active and adventurous daters. There are only so many hours in the day.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#58
post #28

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

> in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1

I don't know the stats but on places like Blind there's a lot of anecdotes about the dating scene favoring men in NYC and favoring women in SF, due to the gender balances.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#59
The article correctly identifies that lack of intimacy and relationships are serious problems, with sexual loneliness being a related comorbidity (if you will). The comments, so far, predictably drift toward "how do we get everyone laid?"

Giving everyone access to sex will not solve sexual loneliness. And, solving (a lot of) sexual loneliness can be achieved without giving everyone access to sex.

Anecdotally, I spent several years as part of the 5% mentioned in this article (lots of regular sex with several different women, most of whom I had very little in common with). After that, I spent several years having very little sex because my wife and I were living on opposite coasts. My experience of sexual loneliness during those two periods of my life were inversely correlated with the amount of sex I was actually having.

Intimacy and relationship matters. Proposals like prostitution or nonmonogamy fundamentally misunderstand the problem.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#60
post #6
post #2

Haven't incels been talking about this for years?

Yeah, but it is their response to the problem that is problematic.

What is the right response?

For a long time the response of men in suffering has been to be quiet, turn anger inward and suffer from suicide, heart disease, drug addiction and other deadly forms of despair.

I'd agree that inceldom is toxic (one of my son's friends fell under the spell of an incel Youtuber and dumped my son as a friend because my son is taller than him and could possibly "heightmog" him.) but the average man has never had a social movement that cares about his plight.

Reading early feminists such as Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan and such I get the impression that their basic rhetorical strategy is to compare the top 0.1% man to the median woman but then implicitly comparing the agency of the average woman to a man who might not have a lot (there is a war on... time to go to war and die)

This conflation of power and gender is structural to discussions of "sexual harassment" which seems to almost always be up and down power hierarchies. Hypothetically it could so sideways and sometimes it must, but you hear about it so little that I think there is some mechanism that suppresses it from being talked about. In this old book

https://www.amazon.com/Affair-Morton-Hunt/dp/B001KNWKK4

nearly every case study involves a woman having an affair with a man who is above her in some power hierarchy but this goes unmentioned by the author.

Post reply on HN