Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#141

Post by uoaei » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:33 PM UTC

wyager wrote: post #52

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

As with many sexually dimorphic behaviors in humans (and mammals in general), this flows from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Variability_hypothesis You can have a stable/growing population with only 1 male per n>1 females. So, the evolutionarily optimal strategy is to crank up trait variance in males and have females select only the top 1/n males (hand-wavily speaking). Most modern human cultures suppressed this dynam…

Very interesting, from a systems perspective it makes a lot of sense that this would be the limit cycle behavior. The conclusion is a kind of corrolary to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bateman's_principle, as regards the presence of energy bottlenecks (namely, gestation) in the process that propagates a species.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#142

Post by blamazon » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:33 PM UTC

thw09j9m wrote: post #124

I'll chime in as somebody who's been considered top 10% of attractiveness in one country and bottom 50% in another - the difference in the amount of sexual opportunities on apps is absolutely staggering. Not that this should be a surprise to anyone. Where I am considered attractive, I've gotten 80+ matches in one day and random women messaging me at 11PM telling me they're lonely and to come hang out. I've had more f…

Are you sure it had to do with your appearance? I experienced this same thing in the past but in hindsight I came to the conclusion it was because I went from a place where generalized casual promiscuity was an accepted part of the culture, to a place where it's not.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#143

Post by yibg » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:33 PM UTC

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

Anecdotally I've heard of people using prostitutes as "practice" in some asian countries where they're either legal or at least not enforced.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#144

Post by LesZedCB » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:33 PM UTC

some_random wrote: post #69

wpietri wrote: post #25

I am a regular reader of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole" and the sheer number of terrible boyfriends/husbands is jaw-dropping. And that's probably always been true, but what has changed is the extent to which women now have agency through having decent jobs and not being social pariahs if they're not married and pregnant by 22. The stuff my grandmother put up with just doesn't fly today. So if the content of AITA is any…

I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this but AITA is about as credible as newspaper advice columns and 4chan greentexts, that is to say not at all.

i did pretty well in a brief experiment of using chatGPT to write responses to new posts

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#145

Post by wolongong942 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:33 PM UTC

wpietri wrote: post #40

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

You say that like she's getting the good end of the deal. But everything I've heard from women on those apps, they'd rather have the "handful of sincere responses" experience than the "bazillion goofs spamming them and sending dick pics at the first hello".

Those women would rationalize all of those goofy behaviors as being OK if the guy had the good genetics.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#146

Post by Jensson » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:34 PM UTC

guerrilla wrote: post #47

LesZedCB wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

unless you're already accustomed to jealousy management via some sort of ENM, it's probably unwise.

if his wife is pretending to be him this shouldn't be an issue.

Could easily result in her losing interest in him when she sees how coldly other women treats him. Emotions are fickle and an experience like that might change the way she sees him.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#147

Post by gorilla0 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:34 PM UTC

spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

For most of my life, I have been one of those guys who were like your friends. The point about intimacy hit hard - I have never seen such a simple point expressed so beautifully.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#148

Post by ajross » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:34 PM UTC

spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

> I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me.

So, I promise I'm not just picking on the phrasing (though yeah, the phrasing is pretty bad).

I find it amazing that you went through that whole discussion about the perspective of your seemingly-hetero-male-only social environment without once recognizing that intimacy is a two-way transaction and that the other party needs to get something in return. Everyone, including women, wants a satisfying relationship. And most people aren't getting one at any given moment.

And it doesn't seem like any part of your calculus is how to square those perspectives? Your whole comment is about women in some sense, but the only time their perspective even enters the discussion is in one sentence where you talk about compelling them to like you out of physical desire?

And you don't think this might be part of the reason your negotiations are failing? Sales people don't try to close a deal without getting to know the customer first. Why do you think it should work any different here?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#149

Post by Teever » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:34 PM UTC

yibg wrote: post #49

cuuupid wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

I don't know if that's true. From most data I've seen women's preferences skew towards a small percentage of men. i.e. most women want the same guys, which are the small minority. This leaves (making up numbers) 80% of women wanting 20% of men. Where as men tend to be less discriminating in their choices of women.

That may be the case in theory but it doesnt play out that way in the real world as you can tell from marriage statistics.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#150

Post by ryeights » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:34 PM UTC

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #115

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

> While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them When it comes to dating apps, everyone I know falls into one of two categories: The first group invests time into generating a good profile. They put the effort into getting get photos of themselves and presenting the photos properly. They write a good bio, avoiding the tired tropes ("love f…

Unfortunately this response is divorced from reality.

I have observed many 20-something women swiping through Tinder and the #1 cause for a man’s profile to be rejected is his attractiveness simply being average or below average. Have you ever tried online dating on platforms such as Tinder?