Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#61

Post by notch656c » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:22 PM UTC

bastardoperator wrote: post #30

low_tech_punk wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If people consider marriage as a contract of exchange, then it is already a form of legalized prostitution. Monogamy might be a bigger underlying problem. Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity in a good read on this topic.

People who think like this don't tend to stay married long.

People that don't, don't stay married long.

I started out married thinking of it as a nebulous thing. My marriage improved when I realized it was all an exchange and I need to make sure I'm always providing my bit rather than just working towards some nebulous idea of love.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#62

Post by low_tech_punk » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:22 PM UTC

bastardoperator wrote: post #30

low_tech_punk wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If people consider marriage as a contract of exchange, then it is already a form of legalized prostitution. Monogamy might be a bigger underlying problem. Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity in a good read on this topic.

People who think like this don't tend to stay married long.

Perel's argument was the inverse: people who failed their marriage because they are holding too tight on the monogamy ideal, as they expect everything from a single partner who cannot provide everything. Well, I'm not sure what to think of that. I'm just quoting her theory and I feel it's relevant in this discourse.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#63

Post by zb3 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:22 PM UTC

jurassic wrote: post #43

There are a lot of factors at play here. Porn is ubiquitous which reduces the number of people looking for real-life hookups to satisfy their immediate urges. Awareness of the health risks (STDs, etc) of having many partners has probably never been higher. And the economic stakes of an unwanted pregnancy are higher than they've ever been due to increasing restrictions on abortion. If porn were outlawed, contraception…

  Porn is ubiquitous which reduces the number of people looking for real-life hookups to satisfy their immediate urges

Why is that a bad thing? For me the problem is the opposite - it might not completely satisfy it, but if it'd completely satisfy the urge, then wouldn't it be a good thing?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#64

Post by claytonjy » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

guerrilla wrote: post #37

cuuupid wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

Can we skip the dystopia and do some free-software peer-to-peer or federated solution somehow? Are ActivityPub-like protocols useful for this?

Sounds like a great way to build a dating pool with even fewer women than the current ones.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#65

Post by snowpid » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

foldr wrote: post #8

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

Prostitution is already legal in lots of countries. I’m not sure that there’s any evidence that it makes a huge amount of difference to this problem.

"lots of countries" To my knowledge only Germany.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#66

Post by fxtentacle » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

You suggestion kind of sounds like: Let's teach kids how to grow an apple tree by giving them apple juice.

Consuming the benefits of having a woman sexually interested in you is a very different skill from creating that interest in the first place. So they would just pay to skip all the steps that they are bad at, thereby never learning them.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#67

Post by dtx1 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

onlyrealcuzzo wrote: post #46

dtx1 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dont think prostitution can fix that issue in the slightest. Here in Germany prostitution is legal and highly regulated (to the point that there are ticket stations for prostitutes working on the street to pay taxes). I would however never ever consider using those services.

> I would however never ever consider using those services. Maybe because you don't need or want to? If you're the type of person that wants to have sex with someone, and you're willing to pay for it, and you have the option - you're probably going to. If not, you're either expecting too much for too little compensation or regulation is preventing the market from being efficient.

No because I would rather not have sex than take part in the exploitation of at risk woman. Just because it's legal and regulated doesn't mean there aren't horrible things going on.

> If you're the type of person that wants to have sex with someone, and you're willing to pay for it, and you have the option - you're probably going to.

I am the kind of person that wants to have sex with someone. I'd be willing to pay for it, i have the option. But I'd rather not have sex than be involved in such things. It's an ethical decision no matter how lonely I get.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#68

Post by treeman79 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

low_tech_punk wrote: post #11

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

If people consider marriage as a contract of exchange, then it is already a form of legalized prostitution. Monogamy might be a bigger underlying problem. Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity in a good read on this topic.

Monogamy was a fantastic tool to manage diseases for thousands of years.

Imagine removing antibiotics, vaccines, screening tools, and any other medical treatment.

Anyone who was around for the AIDs epidemic will understand how quickly a large segment of the population can start dying off.

The early portion, it was literally a mystery disease that was killing off anyone that engaged in risky lifestyle.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#69

Post by some_random » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

wpietri wrote: post #25

I am a regular reader of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole" and the sheer number of terrible boyfriends/husbands is jaw-dropping. And that's probably always been true, but what has changed is the extent to which women now have agency through having decent jobs and not being social pariahs if they're not married and pregnant by 22. The stuff my grandmother put up with just doesn't fly today. So if the content of AITA is any…

I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this but AITA is about as credible as newspaper advice columns and 4chan greentexts, that is to say not at all.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#70

Post by Traubenfuchs » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:23 PM UTC

I am a handsome gay man and I can open up Grindr to pick todays solution to my sexual loneliness at any time. Sometimes I do, because my hormones and lust dictate my actions. Just invite someone over during home office and fornicate while I carefully listen to Slack sounds in the background.

Generally all it lead to so far was the whole ABC of STDs and even more loneliness. Sex is incredibly overrated and I probably have more experience with it than the vast majority of all humans so I can say that with confidence. The only part of me that would miss it is are my uncontrollable lower animal brain areas and my misaligned pleasure/reward circuits.

Let me repeat: Having lots of great sexual encounters with people you consider very attractive changes nothing in your life. Building and finding friendships, "true connections" and love does, but those generally do not need sex.

At least a few of my (sex) dates turned into lasting friendships.