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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#321

Post by tmn »

havblue wrote: post #219
tmn wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are some examples of areas you think would be reasonable for your spouse to budge (but they do not)?

For me it comes down to perfectionism vs pragmatism: Do you hire cleaners or clean your house yourself? Do you send the kids to a more expensive private school even though it's farther away? How much do you cook for yourself and how elaborate are the dishes you make? Do you prepare food for the kids every day even though the school has snacks anyway? How much time do you spend on your job? How much time do you spend…

I see. Thanks for the reply. I originally interpreted your comment to mean your spouse is covid cautious and will not budge on certain decisions related to that. This is not what you said though and this reply made your intended meaning clear. Best of luck navigating these things. I'm newly married and am certainly in store for similar areas to pick tradeoffs.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#322

Post by fknorangesite »

narrator wrote: post #316
HEmanZ wrote: post #253

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And just to add to this, I actually think the political polarization of today is just not substantial compared to many other eras. Every generation since the early modern period thinks it’s politics are the most controversial. But the 1880-1950ish era sticks out to me as special. That was the era of real progressivism, communism, socialism, fascism, teetotalers, religious revival, super-powered unions, monopolistic c…

People had a rule back then that you didn't talk about sex, politics, or religion. Now sex and politics in terms of gender identity, sexual orientation and all the other flavors of identity politics are front and center in a lot of people's minds on a day to day basis.

I know, right? Parties were way better when we forced everyone to stay in the closet.

You know - the good old days!

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#323

Post by jononomo »

People don't know their neighbors anymore -- everyone's acquaintances are online and the guy who lives next door to you is a stranger whom you barely nod to on the street. To have a party you need a bunch of people that you know and like who are in the same geographic vicinity.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#324

Post by rrrrrrrrrrrryan »

spoiler wrote: post #206
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

For anyone who doesn't know the context: This quote is literal fascist rhetoric to promote machismo and contempt for the weak.

It might resonate the first time you hear it (most good propaganda does), but if you contemplate it for more than 10 seconds and you'll realize it's obviously untrue.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#325

Post by nescioquid »

sahila wrote: post #271
ryandrake wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At least in the US, extreme political polarization has also made it so ~40% of people won't even hang out or party with another ~40% of people, and vice versa. I've got friends on both sides, and I'd never be able to host a successful party that included them all. People can't leave that shit at home anymore.

I don’t understand why should people “leave that shit at home”? I’m not defending the parent example of a friend being progressive and criticizing others while engaging in similar wasteful behavior, but if you really believe in something, doesn’t it hurt to see the opposite? I suppose most people’s views in the US are superficial and team based in which case then I agree.

I would agree to "leave that shit at home" insofar as it means "leave that shit at home until it is mature enough to be taken out in public".

If you can discuss your opinions without giving or taking offense, then fine. I certainly haven't reached that level of maturity, so it is an ideal for me.

> ... but if you really believe in something...

Let's be clear whether this means you feel a need to persuade the person you're sharing your opinion with. If so, have you given serious thought about how to persuade? What is more important here to you: sharing your opinion or bringing others to adopt it?

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#326

Post by bitsnbytes »

spoiler wrote: post #206
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

Excellent post and spot on.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#327

Post by CalRobert »

jamal-kumar wrote: post #201
CalRobert wrote: post #105

Well, there's https://twitter.com/defconparties of course. I just spent a good amount of time talking to a therapist (first time) about how painfully lonely I am. I moved to the countryside because the city was too unaffordable but friends I used to see a couple times a month are now a couple times a year. And I just had my 40th where my wife invited one of her friends (another couple with kids) and it was nice, but…

I love sneaking into defcon and blackhat. They let me in with a coffee cup lid on some lanyard I had in 2019, I just dressed like a federal agent and took off my sunglasses aggressively and made eye contact to divert the goon's gaze from the extremely fake badge upon entry. It's a real shame they took away the contest for fake badges but there's a bunch of us who make a point of getting away with it still. I really j…

I like it, but it's not what it used to be. A (friend? acquaintance?) of mine has a wife from PRC and is basically a troll, wore a costume PRC police outfit to a talk about the PRC circa 2016 and got quite a bit of side-eye.

But still, it suited the general ethos.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#328

Post by CalRobert »

Humdeee wrote: post #150
CalRobert wrote: post #105

Well, there's https://twitter.com/defconparties of course. I just spent a good amount of time talking to a therapist (first time) about how painfully lonely I am. I moved to the countryside because the city was too unaffordable but friends I used to see a couple times a month are now a couple times a year. And I just had my 40th where my wife invited one of her friends (another couple with kids) and it was nice, but…

Your first sentence about loneliness hurts to read. I'd immediately have a few beers with any friend if I knew they were feeling this way, just to talk, vent, whatever. I hope things look up for you.

Thank you. I am hoping it gets easier when my kids are older and I live somewhere that's less isolating.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#329

Post by tarboreus »

vpilcx wrote: post #313
xeromal wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Didn't read like he said it was disgusting. Sounded like it was just too difficult to deal with in a party. I just feel like they're in the way, not disgusting.

> One reason parties disappeared is because we have encouraged widespread neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity in different and various forms, and that intolerance has effectively eroded the social fabric. Sounds like they're pretty disgusted by those type of people. Especially characterizing that type of behavior as "neuroticism and anxiety" instead of, ya know, trying not to die.

Maybe don't try to make what OP said worse than it was. It's fine if you don't agree, but don't extrapolate their argument into something they didn't say and then dislike them based on that.

Honestly, I mostly agree with OP, though I think I have chosen to mostly accomoate to the extent possible, just because I still want to throw parties. I mix a shirly temples and buy non-alcoholic rum and beer, get some vegan food if I'm serving food, etc. But it is, indeed, a pain, if maybe not a major one. I think the real issue here is just that people are glued to their screens and their pills. A lot of people don't want to party because they're already on a cocktail of pills (you know the ones) and that isn't compatible with a couple drinks for them.Mainly, though, people are atticted to games, doomscrolling, and TV, kind of in that order, and would prefer to sit getting quietly depressed rather than go out and spend time talking with people.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#330

Post by spoiler »

snozolli wrote: post #317
spoiler wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is worth living. I don't think that's even remotely what the quote means. You seem to be taking it as "weak men make up hardships" as opposed to "weakness leads to a broken down system and future suffering for society". For example, one migh…

I meant both of those things. Have you looked at society recently? The former is currently acting as a catalyst for the latter.

And speaking of fascism and intolerance for others in general: it's unfortunately getting worse. I largely blame social media and the busybodies that waste away on them... Says I, as I moonlight as a keyboard warrior on a forum; the irony doesn't escape me

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