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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#311

Post by j0hnyl »

QUrprUd1nCeicw wrote: post #209
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

As someone who has health problems that forcibly put me in at least a few of those "discretionary lifestyle demands," it's a little condescending for you to just dismiss it later as "neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity." The worst is probably COVID-related -- immunocompromised people have been complaining for these past couple of years about how the world just stopped taking COVID seriously and they stil…

No offense, but you are the extreme minority. Given the average social circle, there might not even be a single person that fits that mold. What's stopping everyone else from getting together? It's not because they're worried about bringing covid home to to their wife because her sister in-law is compromised.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#312

Post by sahila »

cheschire wrote: post #287
sahila wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t understand why should people “leave that shit at home”? I’m not defending the parent example of a friend being progressive and criticizing others while engaging in similar wasteful behavior, but if you really believe in something, doesn’t it hurt to see the opposite? I suppose most people’s views in the US are superficial and team based in which case then I agree.

> doesn't it hurt to see the opposite This is the point. Leave that shit at home so the "other" folks don't have to see your shit. And if they agree to this social construct then you will not have to see their shit either.

Right, but I guess the presumption is you’re the arbiter of what shit is worth leaving at home versus not. I assume if a known pedophile came to a party, others might say something and you’d be okay with that.

Not trying to raise a big point but I just don’t think it’s easy for everyone else to leave things they care about at home as some others. The more passionate, the harder it is.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#313

Post by vpilcx »

xeromal wrote: post #283
vpilcx wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Different people have different risk tolerances and people with lower risk tolerances disgust me." Okay, gotcha.

Didn't read like he said it was disgusting. Sounded like it was just too difficult to deal with in a party. I just feel like they're in the way, not disgusting.

> One reason parties disappeared is because we have encouraged widespread neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity in different and various forms, and that intolerance has effectively eroded the social fabric.

Sounds like they're pretty disgusted by those type of people. Especially characterizing that type of behavior as "neuroticism and anxiety" instead of, ya know, trying not to die.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#314

Post by vel0city »

tarotuser wrote: post #147
nscalf wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure why you're getting downvoted, this is clearly correct. I still have many friends that I formed from working in the same office. For most American adults, the group you spend most of your time with is your coworkers. If you don't have a group hobby or activity outside of work, you have no mechanism to cycle new people in to your life in a setting which easily allows relationship building. There's a reason peo…

> For most American adults, the group you spend most of your time with is your coworkers. And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends". I wholly reject intertwining work and professional relationships with friend relationships. I certainly won't be mean to my colleagues... but my closest colleague is 600mi away. And that's OK. I do spend a bit of time with local groups for d…

> And that also guarantees that when you leave the company, you also leave your "friends".

I am friends with many people who I am no longer coworkers with, some of which I consider to be pretty deep relationships. You don't have to stop talking once you or they have left the office, much in the same way that you don't have to stop being friends after taking a different class on a college campus.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#315

Post by dqpb »

jodrellblank wrote: post #302
RestlessMind wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What?? I actually think it maps pretty well to the reality. I have seen it at a personal level in my social circle and at a broad level of civilizations.

I was going to post the same complaint as the parent comment; for example: "Hard times create strong men" - maybe, but starvation doesn't make you strong. Being dead from disease doesn't make you strong. Rising to adversity might make some people stronger, but it will harm others who survive but are damaged. It could be that the already-strong people rise to adversity and the weak get crushed by it, Darwinianly? Or t…

In this context, I think strong means competent.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#316

Post by narrator »

HEmanZ wrote: post #253
HEmanZ wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure controversial issues and neuroticism breaking up parties is new whatsoever. I have read too many things that sound exactly like what you've written from the 70s, 50s, 30s, 20s, 10s, 1880s, ..... Even in the 1500s aristocrats in France complained about throwing fewer "parties" because of the spicy topic of Catholic vs Protestant. Generally, if parties are decreasing, I would argue it is more because there…

And just to add to this, I actually think the political polarization of today is just not substantial compared to many other eras. Every generation since the early modern period thinks it’s politics are the most controversial. But the 1880-1950ish era sticks out to me as special. That was the era of real progressivism, communism, socialism, fascism, teetotalers, religious revival, super-powered unions, monopolistic c…

People had a rule back then that you didn't talk about sex, politics, or religion. Now sex and politics in terms of gender identity, sexual orientation and all the other flavors of identity politics are front and center in a lot of people's minds on a day to day basis.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#317

Post by snozolli »

spoiler wrote: post #206
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

A friend recently introduced me to this quote, and even though it generalises a little[1], I think it ring true: > Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is wor…

I think we're entering that last cycle again, where people are inventing trivial hardships for themselves, because media teaches them that only a life with some type of adversity is worth living.

I don't think that's even remotely what the quote means. You seem to be taking it as "weak men make up hardships" as opposed to "weakness leads to a broken down system and future suffering for society".

For example, one might say that weakness in facing climate change will lead to hardship in the future. Another example would be that weakness in facing fascism allows it to rise and wreak havoc on society. Coincidentally, that quote is super popular among fascist-leaning types.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#318

Post by bobkazamakis »

motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

> Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and the increasingly insane milenial need to make all their experiences on-brand and instagrammabl

This is a weird way to project your insecurities.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#319

Post by AlecSchueler »

wincy wrote: post #43
AlecSchueler wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

The thing doesn’t even have to be particularly common to actually drive people away. They just have to think it’s common enough. You’re absolutely right though that that’s a blind in the assessment. My wife went to exactly one college party then never again after a guy literally tried to jump out at her from the bushes.

It's a fair point that fears don't have to be based in reason. All the more important then to remind ourselves that the chances of this ever happening are vanishingly small.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#320

Post by INeedMoreRam »

User23 wrote: post #261
ryandrake wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At least in the US, extreme political polarization has also made it so ~40% of people won't even hang out or party with another ~40% of people, and vice versa. I've got friends on both sides, and I'd never be able to host a successful party that included them all. People can't leave that shit at home anymore.

[flagged]

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