Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

231–240 of 644 posts

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#231

Post by doublesocket »

sanderjd wrote: post #122
Patrol8394 wrote: post #104

My wife and I did not sleep trained our kids. They co-slept with us, they were happy we were able to sleep through the night. Eventually they transitioned into their own bed no problem. Our neighbors will let their baby cry like forever, it was excruciating and imo pointless.

I think parenting is the worst possible space for N=1 anecdotes. I have two sets of friends who did what you did and have never slept alone or through the night for coming up on five years. For our oldest, also coming up on five years, we did like one night of sleep training at 18 months and immediately started sleeping through the night like magic. For our youngest, we never had to do anything, he just always slept…

This resonated with me. The only two bits of advice I ever give to any new parent are:

-everyone has an opinion about parenting, and many are not afraid to share it

-don't compare yourself to someone with an older child. You will start out a level zero parent, but you get a level zero baby. You'll level up with them. No one starts out a level 20 parent.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#232

Post by mlboss »

jjulius wrote: post #212
afandian wrote: post #205

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“A little rap on the knuckles” is less severe than full on beating, but it’s on the gradient of physical violence. Teaching a child that their call for help will not be answered is unkind and damaging. And I’m not sure a baby has the same perspective on 15 minutes as the average adult. I’m pretty sure most adults are walking around with unresolved emotional trauma issues that do not serve them, or those around them,…

>Teaching a child that their call for help will not be answered is unkind and damaging. I just commented elsewhere and asked you what your understanding of "sleep training" or "crying it out" entails, but I think this answers it for me - you're ignorant to what actually happens. You do not teach a child that their call for help will be unanswered. You observe them closely as they wake up, listen to how they're crying…

I think the articles talks about this: the child still wakes up in the middle of night but does not cry. Scientists are not sure what is happening, are they able to sooth themselves to sleep or are they still stressed out but are not crying. Because they know nobody will come for help if they cry.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#233

Post by marliechiller »

partiallypro wrote: post #116
trilbyglens wrote: post #42

Didn't sleep train and now our 9yo expects to come to our bed every damned night. Big regret.

This is going to sound harsh but I think some bad habits like this are gotten rid of when their friend group finds out and makes fun of them for it.

I do sometimes wonder on the effects of "positive" bullying in social circles. Not physical violence, but teasing etc. One boy in our childhood friendship group was constantly teased for his weight and bad eating habits. Eventually, he had had enough and one summer, hit the gym and got in shape. I suppose it easily could have gone the other way and this is all anecdotal but there must be other instances of such social effects

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#234

Post by standardUser »

Putting a very young child to sleep in a different bed in a different room seems like one of those modern Western civilization things that makes no sense when scrutinized even a little. Like hiding nipples or cutting off bits of penises.

Is it really still the norm to place the baby in another room and then go tend to them when they cry?

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#235

Post by Unbeliever69 »

encoderer wrote: post #217
conqueso wrote: post #150

The fact that this is so commonplace in my culture (USA) is frustrating and enrages me. As a parent, it is your evolutionary instinct to comfort a crying infant. They are quite literally helpless and look to caretakers for all their needs. There's a deep seated biological reason it feels bad to ignore it. The fact that it is so uncommon in other cultures should make this obvious. What are the odds that the rest of th…

For my second kid it worked wonderfully. There was one hard night. After that he had, for the first time in his young life, the ability to put himself back to sleep at night when he woke up. That was a gift for him as well as us. We used the Ferber method.

Back in the 90s my son REALLY struggled getting to sleep on his own. The only way to put him to sleep was to rock him and hope he didn't wake up while you were putting him down. This lasted for almost a year. At wit's end, a friend loaned us a VHS tape about an episode of 60 Minutes that advocated "crying it out." It was a life saver! Within a few nights he was finally sleeping through the night. I'm not going to lie. Those nights were pretty difficult, especially for my wife. Luckily, my daughter didn't have that problem!

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#236

Post by gregoriol »

aaomidi wrote: post #204
sanderjd wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Comparing a 9-month-old spending 15 minutes calming themselves down before falling asleep to physical abuse is laughably absurd. A big problem with this "debate" is that people conjure images of newborn babies being left to cry for hours, when what is actually predominantly practiced is older infants 6-12 months old being allowed to cry for less than half an hour. After being fed and given a clean diaper and a safe p…

Yeah…cause they’re human and as the parent you’re their only human interaction. Why is them wanting to be soothed seen as a bad thing? Like, what the fuck do we think these babies are actively scheming to find ways to get soothed? I swear our brains are looking for adversaries in infants now. Your infant child can not manipulate you. The brains barely understand action and consequence. Your infant child is trying to…

What if it is part of learning?

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#237

Post by sanderjd »

afandian wrote: post #205
sanderjd wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Comparing a 9-month-old spending 15 minutes calming themselves down before falling asleep to physical abuse is laughably absurd. A big problem with this "debate" is that people conjure images of newborn babies being left to cry for hours, when what is actually predominantly practiced is older infants 6-12 months old being allowed to cry for less than half an hour. After being fed and given a clean diaper and a safe p…

“A little rap on the knuckles” is less severe than full on beating, but it’s on the gradient of physical violence. Teaching a child that their call for help will not be answered is unkind and damaging. And I’m not sure a baby has the same perspective on 15 minutes as the average adult. I’m pretty sure most adults are walking around with unresolved emotional trauma issues that do not serve them, or those around them,…

This is not that at all, and it is a diminishment of actual abuse to compare the two things.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#238

Post by remote_phone »

metabagel wrote: post #110

Having read "The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog", which goes into a fair amount of detail regarding attachment and attachment disorders, letting an infant "cry it out" strikes me as child abuse. Infants have no control over their environment, and crying is almost their only way to communicate. I'm not enthusiastic about sleep training either - the gradual, controlled removal of sleep time emotional support by the parent…

> Having read "The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog", which goes into a fair amount of detail regarding attachment and attachment disorders, letting an infant "cry it out" strikes me as child abuse.

You sound exactly like someone who doesn’t have kids, advising parents and speaking with authority that you don’t have.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#239

Post by GatorD42 »

conqueso wrote: post #150

The fact that this is so commonplace in my culture (USA) is frustrating and enrages me. As a parent, it is your evolutionary instinct to comfort a crying infant. They are quite literally helpless and look to caretakers for all their needs. There's a deep seated biological reason it feels bad to ignore it. The fact that it is so uncommon in other cultures should make this obvious. What are the odds that the rest of th…

The article states no long term negative effects have been found, compared to positive short term findings. There’s been a wide range of child-rearing practices across cultures and history, including infanticide. Probably no culture has gotten it exactly right, but this practice is not that far outside the norm as other practices from other cultures.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#240

Post by sanderjd »

afandian wrote: post #220
jjulius wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Teaching a child that their call for help will not be answered is unkind and damaging. I just commented elsewhere and asked you what your understanding of "sleep training" or "crying it out" entails, but I think this answers it for me - you're ignorant to what actually happens. You do not teach a child that their call for help will be unanswered. You observe them closely as they wake up, listen to how they're crying…

I apologise, I’ve not read literature on it, or the particular methodology you describe. I’m not judging you. That said, whatever the merits of a structured approach, for every parent that diligently follows them, there are others that are less careful. And I’ve met them. I’m responding to sentiments like “I just ignore them and they go to sleep eventually”, “don’t go and check, he only wants attention” from other pa…

You shouldn't call people abusive in one breath and then try to say "I'm not judging you" in the next. It isn't credible.
Post reply on HN