Live data from Hacker News

No one wants to have kids anymore

torturechambersmalltalk.substack.com

331–340 of 457 posts

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#331

A word of advice to anyone on the fence about having kids: There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids, but do yourself and consult with actual parents for what it’s really like to have kids. Articles like this one, which are written by someone who apparently has chosen not to have children, are almost universally terrible at representing the true experience of being a parent. Yes, being a parent involves a…

>consult with actual parents for what it’s really like to have kids.

There's an interesting wrinkle into the answer you get, however. If you ask parents in one environment (say, at the workplace) about their thoughts on children they will often be different than asking about them in the act of raising those children. There is often an irreconcilable difference between our experience in the moment and how we later remember that experience. It's possible to be quite miserable raising children and still think back on it fondly.

I'm not sure what that implies on the advice of consulting actual parents unless you know which you would prefer optimizing for.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#332
post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having a kid is the most fun I’ve ever had. Used to go to raves, done bunch of crazy sexual stuff, as well as most drugs under the sun. There’s nothing close to chasing a toddler in a circle for an hour.

This is so true. I can’t believe how much I love having a kid. And mine’s only 6 months old. I’m beyond excited to actually do things with him, like run around with him, or go skiing/ride bikes.

[deleted]

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#333

One morning last week, I’ve noticed that my wife was walking around the house in unusual silence. I thought I might have upset her with something, but couldn’t really recall any transgression that would have made her mad. Then after a few minutes of this, she dropped a pregnancy test in front of me, with a “+” sign shown on the little display. Looks like I’m going to be a father! I knew that this could happen sooner…

Congratulations and good luck!

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#334

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>That's not true. Our families may be away most of the time, but we have a constant rotation of our parents (and my wife's Giagia) coming to stay with us. When our second kid was born, I don't think we were by ourselves for the first six months. Even today, we get someone visiting us at least every other month. That is not possible for many others.

Then the question is why ? What is dysfunctional about their lives that makes it impossible?

I would guess money is a frequent issue, plus visa and other family obligations such as other siblings great grandparents. Health issues too since grandparents are older than in previous times.

None of those qualify as dysfunction in my book.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#335

Am I the only person that looks at these (articles/rants/raves/sometimes serious) and thinks: Wait up, the start of the article noted that we are at 8 billion people on the planet... but dangit, we need to have more people! Perhaps it is sarcasm, and I keep reading we do not have enough young people, but it sure seems ironic that the two headlines that keep cropping up are: Too many people and Not enough people.

Life is messy

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#336

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this satire? I have a child and the monotonous boredom of dealing with a toddler forces me to suppress the distant memories of freedom to go to raves, fight in foreign militia, get lost in stormy mountains, hitchhike across the plains...

As the downvotes for your comment shows, it isn't acceptable to express dislike for having children. With this in mind we ought to take all positive things people say with a grain of salt, since a lot of those things will be said to get social points and many people avoid complaining since it isn't acceptable. Its like in discussions about exercise, if you just read discussions online you'd think that everyone loves…

[deleted]

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#337

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Life is very basic at its core. The purpose of all life is survival. Offspring is paramount for survival.

When there are too many people on Earth to support a sustainable live for humanity, not having kids is the paramount for survival. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33879397

It's my job to teach my kids well enough to get them into a position to survive. The Earth is huge.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#339

Kid-having emerges. This (western biased) article is blaming the victim. An entire generation bled dry by student loans for useless degrees, unable to buy homes that their elders view as retirement funds. A thousand and one more entertaining things to do online which don't risk creating 18-year bundles of debt. And absolutely no idea how to break the cycle for your offspring. Pick one thing to fix and spend your life…

> Pick one thing to fix and spend your life addressing it and maybe you'll have it solved in time for when the population reaches 9 billion.

That's only ~2037, 15 years or so from now. Less than half a career.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#340
post #295
post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Surely you have a cut off on the lower bound below which you don't offer this advice. 21? 18? 16? 13? Yes, it's possible to put it off long enough thinking you'll find that perfect time, and either it getting to be too late, or perhaps running into the reality that with age comes higher likelihood of birth defects, in many cases. But the flat advice to just do it seems like it's missing a bit of at least a basic foun…

On your last paragraph that's how human raised kids for the first 10k+ years. In small groups of multigenerational settings. Only in the last 100 (maybe even less, say 60) or so years we've started to say fk that, when I retire I want to be on a beach and not taking care of my grandkids.

It seems like the experiment of retirement is a recent phenomenon and one that the jury is still out in terms of whether it's a good idea, let alone sustainable.
Post reply on HN