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No one wants to have kids anymore

torturechambersmalltalk.substack.com

241–250 of 457 posts

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#241

I know this is going to be a hugely unpopular opinion, but life has no purpose if it was not for offspring. To me not wanting children gives me the same vibes as someone playing a sport or entering a competition and then not giving their absolute everything to win Gold.

Most people play sport to enjoy the game, not to become champions at it. What about having offspring gives life purpose? Do you just beget children to... help them grow up to beget more children so they can... help their children to beget more children so... That doesn't sound (or vibe) purposeful to me. That description is obviously missing something essential. If life has a purpose (or feeling/vibe of one) there mu…

Life is very basic at its core. The purpose of all life is survival. Offspring is paramount for survival.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real parent, here. Having a son anchored me to the (land and planet)* in a very unexpected way. Formerly, there was always an option to chuck things and go somewhere else, but now whatever is in front of me I must deal with and make happen. It's not about what I want to do any more, but the first underlying thought behind everything I do is how it will affect my son and family. Lots of former options are closed. I ca…

I strongly identify with this post. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, there are lots of things I can't do now. But that's ok with me. It doesn't even feel like a sacrifice really. Being a dad is just part of who I am and I want to do it well just like any other thing I do. My kids won't need me anchored forever. And I still get to go fishing, see concerts, play video games, and do other stuff I enjoy. It's not the total loss…

Agreed. Fun is to be had. Is essential, actually.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#243

A word of advice to anyone on the fence about having kids: There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids, but do yourself and consult with actual parents for what it’s really like to have kids. Articles like this one, which are written by someone who apparently has chosen not to have children, are almost universally terrible at representing the true experience of being a parent. Yes, being a parent involves a…

Having a kid is the most fun I’ve ever had. Used to go to raves, done bunch of crazy sexual stuff, as well as most drugs under the sun. There’s nothing close to chasing a toddler in a circle for an hour.

I love wrastling toddlers, too.

I wanted to say—these two lifestyles you describe (raves and toddlers) are not incompatible. I’ve had to get better at scheduling and communication, that’s all.

For me, it was really helpful to develop concrete agreements with my partner. (E.g., I get to travel 8 weeks a year, I have to schedule 1 month in advance, and it can be for any reason). I don’t like the view that having kids means giving up on what you love to do in life.

4th kid is on the way. Seems nutso to me, but because my wife really wanted another. And if that is her dream, I am not going to stand in her way.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#244

Everyone wants to have kids. Everyone. But the whole fear of the future between paying for school loans, divorce rates, rising cost of living, exciting work environments, both couples working, thoughts of day care, and finally the lack of compromise in reducing your class of living is driving people bonkers where children and family are just no longer part of the equation.

Absolutely not. I know many people who absolutely hate the idea of having kids in their core.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As I am getting older, I see young couples told to wait till they are settled and are in a better situation to have their token child. If you want children , do not wait. It will never be 'better situation'. There will be always some reason, mostly financial not to have them.

Of course there are better situations, there's just no perfect situation. Your advice entails people should have kids in high school with their sweetheart if they want to. That's obviously wrong.

At worst their advice is just as wrong as the conventional wisdom they're contradicting.

I would say that the major factor isn't age, it's situation. If you are in a stable relationship with someone who can help financially and emotionally support an additional human, having a child could be an option.

If you are in a precarious situation, do not bring another human into it.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this satire? I have a child and the monotonous boredom of dealing with a toddler forces me to suppress the distant memories of freedom to go to raves, fight in foreign militia, get lost in stormy mountains, hitchhike across the plains...

Chasing your toddler for an hour is fun. Chasing your toddler day after day, hour after hour because you have no one else to help you might not be so fun. There is distinct difference in the fun of raising children in a village where there are tons of other kids with low risk of cars so they can play outside freely, and raising children 24/7 because they cannot be left without supervision and there are few other kids…

Exactly. It seems that most of the "childfree" arguments are based on this terrible modern, industrial, low-trust worldview that assumes that parents are solely responsible for their kids.

Unless both parents come from a really dysfunctional family, this should never be the case.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#247
What a confusing read. I largely can't discern the sarcasm from impassioned outrage. Nor am I certain that "any decrease in population is catastrophic" is the message that I was meant to receive, but that is what I got out of it. I've heard this argument before and I have never been able to piece together the logic. My best guess is that it's mainly a difference in perspective, and somebody's catastrophic is to me simply worse than what we have now.

Yes, there will be a time when things are worse. Rise and decline is a pattern in pretty much every facet of every trend that I can think of. Nothing goes up forever. Just because Earth's population flatlines at 10m, doesn't mean humanity is heading straight for extinction. I mean, it's possible. But far more likely is that at some point, for some reason, things turn back around and the population starts growing again. In the meantime, overpopulation and underpopulation both come with their own problems, and I'm not sure which is worse. We're only ~300 years into the industrial revolution after all. Maybe it's time for a little pullback. That is healthy for the real long-haul.

Sure, none of us actually wants to be a part of the hard times. We would rather the great-great-great-grandchildren that we've never met and never will be the ones to bear that burden. But somebody's going to have to deal with it eventually, and yes, it could be you (and me). Meanwhile, having a smaller number of people on the planet (while creating some problems that we had forgotten about) will surely also make some things easier. If literally no one wanted to have kids anymore, it might be a real problem. This is just another urban perspective; I could believe that no one in a city wants to have kids anymore. At least some of us forest dwellers are still breeding like rabbits.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#248
post #82

If the state wants babies let it act so as to make them easier to have. Medical care, parental leave, inexpensive day care even per child funding. Some have done this but it’s in disagreement with the conservative approach to governing. People get what they vote for.

The state does want babies. Notice the meek state opposition to recent changes in availability of a certain healthcare procedure. Don’t expect that to be changed back anytime soon.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#249

Kid-having emerges. This (western biased) article is blaming the victim. An entire generation bled dry by student loans for useless degrees, unable to buy homes that their elders view as retirement funds. A thousand and one more entertaining things to do online which don't risk creating 18-year bundles of debt. And absolutely no idea how to break the cycle for your offspring. Pick one thing to fix and spend your life…

In India- or that subcontinent, people were majority in the very poor category. Only recently middle class grew, 20-40 years. What people did was buy homes and invest live savings to have a "permanant shelter over heads" for themselves and their families. This is true for a lot of people so children when the start earning, "there is no rent to pay" which is a big savings considering. On the other hand, you have "amer…

Everywhere? No. But it is commonly the case that the jobs are in one place, and the "good towns to raise a kid in" (schools, parks, low crime, or even just affordable housing suitable to raise a child in) are in others. Sure, perhaps when you've made your way up in your career field, you can go into a smaller/private practice of some sort (thinking law, finance, medicine here), but typically, for a lot of white collar fields, you start off in larger institutions, which typically means cities.

Could this change with the growing use of remote work? It could. Whether it does or not though remains to be seen.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#250
post #38

I have decided not to have kids, at least partly because I believe Earth is already overpopulated for the living standard that humans deserve. Occasionally, someone asks the idiotic question, what if everybody made the same decision? Well, if they truly did, I would have made a different choice. All these projections about (white) replacement are fundamentally flawed because they assume that the reasons for the decis…

You are just a narcissist.

Having children is also narcissistic. They are copies of you after all.
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