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Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

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Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#321

Post by defrost »

yrgulation wrote: post #320
defrost wrote: post #300

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"French" isn't a racial trait - it's a teeming blob of culture with many facets and internal differences with a distinction albeit some overlap to other EU and global cultures. Please don't drag "race" into a comment that clearly addresses cultural distinctions from the outset.

Please read the definition of the word race and try not to make everything about it. Try and work with more diverse people so you can observe there are strong similarities regardless of race, instead of shutting yourself in a small bubble that explains everything around based on that.

The OP comment here is clearly discussing culture and not the (say) Britannica definition of race.

You're the person that has raised the notion of race and started waving it about like Boris Johnson with a dead cat.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#322

Post by TriangleEdge »

I have traits/behaviors consistent with what I know to be autism. Whenever I speak I have to translate images to words. This is often slow staggered for me. Also, I often don't remember what was said/asked while I'm talking so I just keep my train of thought going, and that leads me to other topics. I often end my talking with "does that answer your questions?" just to be sure I didn't veer too far off topic.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#323

Post by awillen »

roxgib wrote: post #272
awillen wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or just keep hammering away with the same question until you get an answer. "What's 2+2"? In response, the person explains how addition is. "Okay, thanks for that context, but I don't think we ever actually got to the original question - what's 2+2?" The person tells you a story about something cute their kid did when learning addition. "Again, I think we're getting off track - can you please tell me what 2+2 is?" If…

Unfortunately it's not always socially appropriate to do this, no matter how annoying the other person is being.

It's absolutely appropriate in the workplace. I'm not going to be mean or snide, but if I'm asking you a reasonable question and you're not answering it, I'm going to be increasingly direct. If I need information from you to do my job, and you're withholding it from me, then you're the one acting inappropriately.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#324

Post by yrgulation »

defrost wrote: post #321
yrgulation wrote: post #320

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Please read the definition of the word race and try not to make everything about it. Try and work with more diverse people so you can observe there are strong similarities regardless of race, instead of shutting yourself in a small bubble that explains everything around based on that.

The OP comment here is clearly discussing culture and not the (say) Britannica definition of race. You're the person that has raised the notion of race and started waving it about like Boris Johnson with a dead cat.

I did, because op is explaining personality traits by means of race. A narrow view of the world.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#325

Post by yrgulation »

protonbob wrote: post #299
yrgulation wrote: post #296

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

Culture is a real thing. And people in a country share one.

Indeed, but culture is not the answer to the question asked. The person bringing it in is attempting to explain personality traits with race and culture. A dangerous approach, usually employed by inexperienced folks.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#326

Post by BeetleB »

awillen wrote: post #323
roxgib wrote: post #272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately it's not always socially appropriate to do this, no matter how annoying the other person is being.

It's absolutely appropriate in the workplace. I'm not going to be mean or snide, but if I'm asking you a reasonable question and you're not answering it, I'm going to be increasingly direct. If I need information from you to do my job, and you're withholding it from me, then you're the one acting inappropriately.

> but if I'm asking you a reasonable question and you're not answering it, I'm going to be increasingly direct.

And herein lies the flaw in your approach. It's reasonable to be annoyed that you're not getting the answer, but it doesn't mean your approach is helping you get there. It's the equivalent of "If someone doesn't understand me, I'm going to shout even louder" or "I'm going to use the same words, but speak even slower".

There's no good reason to think that more directness is more effective.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#327

Post by karp773 »

a123b456c wrote: post #271
eej71 wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm an American and I think one mistake we Americans make is that we think we are very direct, but there is a lot of indirectness in some of our communication habits. This is particularly true in other parts of the country. As a native born midwestern, there are some indirect habits there and I'd say the west coast as its own too. So we're mostly direct, but there is some indirectness that we are at times blind to.

We're usually direct when we're positive, so long as it doesn't cost us anything. Try to get a direct negative response in USA, good luck. I only realized the indirectness of my second sentence after I wrote it.

Good observation about positive directness vs negative indirectness! I agree 100%.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#328

Post by hot_gril »

Cause it's hard. It's even harder now that meetings are remote and always involve one guy using Linux with a broken mic cause those two things somehow go together.

I've found that talking to people 1:1 after each meeting saves a ton of time you'd spend on wasteful coding due to miscommunication. Like if they want a feature from your service, just ask why they need it again. Usually, the first time, they don't tell you precisely what they need but actually an overly generalized version of it.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#330

Post by tnel77 »

yamazakiwi wrote: post #280
tnel77 wrote: post #264

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I went on a cruise and met some Canadians (they told me). I noticed they were speaking French and said “Is that French you’re speaking?” “Yes.” “That’s really cool! What part of Canada are you from?” “The part that speaks French.” I just frowned and walked off as it was meant to be a polite question. An educated guess would have said that they were from “the French speaking part of Canada,” but I guess they didn’t li…

I wouldn't be able to tell if they were being cheeky or avoiding small-talk in that instance. I could be wrong but as a Non-French speaker I've heard that French banter is a little snide or pedantic in nature on purpose but generally not meant to be mean-spirited. Kind of like when a friend says "No Shit Sherlock" but with less enthusiasm.

Their facial expressions said they were annoyed with me, but I could have been mistaken!
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