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Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

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Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#201

Post by cweagans »

cweagans wrote: post #199

FWIW, I found this kind of question to be much less frustrating when I remember that communication is a 2+ player activity. If poor communication is happening, it is the responsibility of all parties involved to remedy the problem. That is, it's not that "Joe is bad at communication": it's more along the lines of "Joe and I do not communicate well". There are always hurdles, but if you're motivated to communicate wit…

Also, many of these problems work the other way too. Instead of forcing somebody to ask clarifying questions, ask you to describe at a different level of detail, etc., you can ask ahead of time. "What level of detail are you looking for here? I can talk about it at x level, but if you want y level, Susan is more knowledgable" or "I've been thinking about that too, but I don't have a lot of well formulated thoughts on the topic. If you'd like, we can talk through some of the more half-baked ideas I've been kicking around and see if we can get some clarity together" or simply stopping every so often and asking "Is this making sense? Did I gloss over anything important that we should revisit?"

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#202

Post by TheLoafOfBread »

tiborsaas wrote: post #69

Maybe they do communicate clearly, but from their perspective you are the one who's just not getting what they mean, despite they expressed it in concise, elegant way. People are coming from various cultures and backgrounds, you should accept that it means that communication style can be very different. In all cases, be patient and ask questions till you are satisfied.

I have this exact problem. I know how to solve a problem, but I can't get that chain of actions across to others. Very infuriating and also the reason, why I mostly work alone.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#203

Post by skydhash »

andrewingram wrote: post #160
njbooher wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way people communicate verbally often reflects the way they think, which differs between people. Writing forces people to structure their thoughts more. Also, efficient communication requires knowing what your audience already knows.

The best way I have to describe the way I think is “spatially”, I can’t really say more than that except to say it’s different to “visually”. The problem is that the best way to explain something is basically do a topological sort of the DAG representing what needs to be explained, some people are uncannily good at this and appear able to do it in real-time. I… cannot.

My own way of thinking is both spatially and visually. I encode all my understanding into visual concepts (which may be very abstract), and link them to each other. That makes it difficult for me to do direct recall if I'm not given sufficient context. But makes it easy to connect things and do pattern matching. When I'm explaining, I found myself wandering down a particular path that I think the other person may not understand well, but can backtrack to the main conversation.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#204

Post by conductr »

My biggest tip is to learn when it's going awry and force a level set. Step through the question. Break your question into mini questions to guide the thought process towards the answer you want.

I know I'm personally awful at explaining technical things I worked on a day or more ago. Even just some simple spreadsheet or something, if you want a confident answer you'll let me open it up and look at the formulas. Don't expect me to answer off the top of my head. I'm pretty confident in saying this aloud but many people are not. They feel like it reflects negatively on their intelligence and whatnot. I feel like many people start rambling on when they just simply don't know the answer or don't understand the question. In this case, just make sure they understand the question/problem and give them time/space to get the answer.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#205

Post by BeetleB »

janj wrote: post #197
BeetleB wrote: post #123

Some years ago I decided to take communications seriously and read a bunch of books on it. It was a major shift in how I view it. Good communications isn't merely about speaking well[1], but about handling how others speak. If you are frustrated with people never giving simple answers to simple questions (as I often am), it is you who needs to adapt and change strategies. The expectation that a question that should h…

I didn't read this as expecting simple answers to questions, but as the question being simple and instead of the person being asked giving a direct answer to that question, instead they give an answer to a tangential question. I've worked with people who do this consistently. Know this I would try to formulate as simple and direct a question as I could, but always the answer would be to a tangential, often more basic…

There are no shortage of such people - I've encountered a bunch. And yes, it's always a pain in the workplace. In my experience, this strategy:

> Know this I would try to formulate as simple and direct a question as I could, but always the answer would be to a tangential, often more basic question.

Always fails with them. At some point, you have to become humble enough to realize that your approach is flawed and look for alternative approaches.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#206

Post by [deleted] »

pydry wrote: post #177
awb wrote: post #27

Here are some altruistic reasons these events might occur: > - don't directly address the point of your question / provide a much complex answer (or even worse, a non-answer) to a simple question > - don't stay focused to the point of the discussion I often dive deeper if the question itself raises suspicions that the question asker might not fully understand the topic. For example, if someone asked: "can you unbatch…

I think you are reading this from the perspective of somebody who does communicate clearly who occasionally gets misunderstood. While it's possible the fault is with the OP, I think what the OP is complaining about is probably not that.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#207

Post by Markoff »

I'm not saying I'm doing it, but intentionally unclear/ambiguous wording/communication leaves space for blame, so you can always be blamed for understanding something wrong way, if shit happens.

Plus also world ain't black and white, so I don't like giving answers/statements you can't backpedal from, politicians are known for this speak.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#209

Post by tasuki »

lcnPylGDnU4H9OF wrote: post #141
tasuki wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> However, I wasn't referring to missing words (which can be inferred) or bad grammar. Actually I wasn't referring to written speech in particular. I was referring mostly to the way one structures their thought and expresses it to someone else. It would appear that your initial post failed to communicate that clearly to awb.

It's also possible for a person to poorly apply their reading comprehension skills. FWIW, I did get the intended meaning from OP's post.

Sure, my point was that communication is hard. I'm not saying it's necessarily OP's mistake.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#210

Post by thom »

I dunno what’s up with these Ask HNs which are utterly transparent humblebrags but in this case, chances are what you think is clear communication lacks a lot of context and nuance, and despite obviously feeling superior to them, you’re missing or ignoring important information that people want you to possess.
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